I cut n i need help

[Hockeychik10]

i have been cuttin for 2 years and i usually do it everyday but i havnt done it for the past month cuz of my bf and like i just got so stressed last nite and use a razor blade and its kinda bad and im lost i dk if it need stiches or what and i dont wanna tell my mom and i wanna stop this habit for me and my bf and my friends but i dont knwo how to i try and it always ends up like makin me do it again and and i just i need help so plz someone help me!

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

What is ur fav leisure hobby? Surfing net, watching Tv? I recommend that u do something to distract urself whenever u have the tots to cut yourself.

 

If u are good in meditation, u can pray and meditate together. This is the fastest therapy i recommend.

[Hockeychik10]

well i dk i listen to music and talk to my bf and like i try to like not do it but like when im mad thats what i do i just go and do it its like a bad habit thats hard to break and i have no clue what to do i wanna stop and iv tried for the sake of my bf and like i always end up doin it again but i need help and iv been to counsiling for 6 years and stopped goinn this year it doesnt help and i dk what else to do to try to make it better im scraed if i keep doin it ima end up killing myself

[ticklebug]

why did you stop going to counseling?

[Prosper]

I have a suggestion.

 

Dun say u wan to stop self-injury. Say I WAN TO LOVE MYSELF MORE.

Use this as a chant whenever u feel like cutting and imagine a pretty side of you, in glamorous gowns or dresses.

 

Sit down and meditate on this. After u are done with the urge, pray to god that u are done for this round, and asks him to give u more resistance and strength.

 

There is always a hero in us to save the damsels of us.

 

I will pray for u.. hang on there..

[Hockeychik10]

it doesnt help me at all i mean iv been goin to it for so many years i mean it has neve helped and i was forced to go to it through all those years and now i finally have the choice to stop goin and it dont help so i dont go

[Hockeychik10]

well i dont have good self confidence and liek i think im ugly and i think im fat but all my friends and my bf say im pretty or beautiful but i dont think it and i just have low self esteem and i dk i dk if i believe in god becuz just i dk just crap iv been through i guess and so i dk

[ticklebug]

did you only have counseling or did they have you on any anti-depressant medication as well?

 

what about the counselor did you not like? Did you ever get the chance to go into any type of group therapy, with kids your age who had the same problems?

 

you said you have been cutting for 2 years, but were "forced" to go to counseling for the ast 6...why were you forced 6 years ago?

[Hockeychik10]

i only had to go to counsiling and no i liked one of the like 5 or 6 counsilers i had but she left and like i had to go cuz i was always fighting with my dad and bein like ruse and like bein mean to my brothers and like just always negitive and hated everything about skool and hated everybody and i never talked ot anyone else my age who went through this my cuzin is 12 and she cuts but she stopped and i talk to her about it sometimes but i dk it dont help she justs tells me to stop cuz i scare her

[ticklebug]

oh counseling won't work if you aren't able to bond with one...and I'm sorry the one you liked had to go away. Having to start over and over again...of course it makes it almost impossible to get anything accomplished.

 

Are your parents still married?

 

Have you ever been able to come up with reasons why your dad and brothers get you so mad?

[Hockeychik10]

my parents got a divorce 2 years ago i think thast part of the reasons i started cutting and my brothers r alwaysjerks and want everything and just want the world to revolve around them and my dad use to piss me off when i was young becuz he wanted everythign his way he wanted to likebe able to tell me to shut up and i would and would blame my mom for everything i did wrong and i just hate him rite now hes done alot more crap too and counsilers i usually would see the same one for like 3 months and they would leave and like those were the skool counsilers some of em thought i was weird i wanted to commite suicide when i was like 9 and like i had to go to outside counsiling anf i went to 3 outside counsilers and i didnt liek them either

[Hockeychik10]

i also cut really bad yesterday it was just one but i used a razor blade and i never have be4 and i did it hard and like i dk if i need stiches and i dont wanna tell my mom what should i do!

[ticklebug]

had a feeling your parents were divorced...probably kinda ugly too, huh? Did they fight over money/custody of you and your brothers and that kind of thing?

 

a lot of the time when parents are fighting they accidentally take it out on their kids...and then you and your brothers get into it because everyone is just plain mad at each other. Then either mom or dad get mad at the kids for being mean to each other not realizing that it was their fault everyone is fighting in the first place.

 

so it just turns into a big huge mess and all you really feel like doing is screaming.

 

You know, when it comes to brothers, the best thing you can do for yourself is ignore them. Try to understand just a little bit that what happened between your mom & dad has made them unhappy too, and they are just being pains in the rear because of it. I know it's annoying when they try to hog all the attention....but they are BOYS! Always have to be show offs =) Whenever they try to do something to get under your skin (which I bet is every day) just look at them like they are from another planet and go into your room and close the door...

 

When it comes to your dad, just know it is okay for you to not like him right now. You are perfectly entitled to have your own feelings. Mom's and dads turn into aliens during divorces...never fails.

 

For the cutting, get a rubber band and put it around your wrist...anytime you feel like cutting, snap it on your wrist instead...What might help you when you get so angry is to start a diary, even if it is just on the computer, or buy one of those books you can write in....just getting everything you feel out on paper (or the computer) makes you feel better. You feel less like exploding when it gets out of your head. Do that for a while, and you will find yourself not using the rubber band so much.

[ticklebug]

if it is still bleeding, you need to get it checked by a doctor because it could need stitches and could get infected...yeah yu may not want to tell your mom, but if it bleeds, she will notice eventually anyway...

 

you can tell her it was an accident...

[Hockeychik10]

well like i have a diary and i dont write in it often it doent work for me i ahve a xanga but it dont really work either i mean i dk if im weir dor theres soemthign wrong with me my bf even said i need to stop cuttin cuz its not normal is he sayin im not normal?

[Hockeychik10]

i put guaze over it last nie and this mornin it bled through and so i changed it and like rite now i look at the guaze and like its not as bad as the other one was but its like an outline of blood but its not bleedin as bad anymore and i wear sweaters all the time and im scared to get it check i mean i dk wht to tell my mom and like i have scars all around the new one i did and im scared it wont heal but i dk ifs its bad or not and iv neve been like this freaked out or scared and im lost and dk what to do

[ticklebug]

on the cut you made, give it one more day...if it is still bleeding, you have to show your mom. Please try the rubber band instead of the razors, or anything else that can draw blood for that matter.

 

Since you aren't seeing a counselor anymore, give writing in your diary another shot...just to have somewhere to put your feeelings since you don't have that person to talk to (even if you didn't like the counselor that much you still got stuff out of your head...it helped a little bit...)

 

Your boyfriend isn't calling you abnormal, but he is worried about you...caring about someone and finding out they hurt themselves is hard to handle...and you ar probably the first person he has ever knows who does it. If anything he's a good reason to try the rubber band and writing in your diary again...it will make him happy to know you are trying to do something else.

 

Do you draw or paint or anything? Have you ever tried?

[Hockeychik10]

iv never tried drawin cuz i cant draw so i havnt tried i dk iv tried writing in diaries i dk and i love my bf but im starting to wonder if he thinks im a freak i mean i dont want him to dump me becuz he thinks im weird i dk he tells me he dont care it dont make him look at me diff and he still loves me but tonite when i saw him he was curious about it and wanted to look at it and like i dk and i dont like counsilers and i dk but i wanan stop cuttin i just find it hard to and so if it keeps bleedin till tomorrow tell my mom? i mean i dk what i would tell her cuz if i showed her she would ask so many ?'s i wouldnt have answers for n im scared....

[ticklebug]

art sometimes is a good way to get your feelings out...either by using really dark colors or really bright ones...and it's art...so it doesn't matter if you suck at it =) then you just call it abstract art! It's just another thing to try if you doj't feel like writing...

 

and it doesnt have to be where you draw actual THINGS...even just different shapes and lines...it's just another way of expressing your emotions...

 

your bf has never known anyone who has cut before, so of course he is curious as to what it looks like and asking you how it feels...he cares about you. Does he listen to you when you are upset? Is he someone you can talk to when you start feeling down?

 

Your mom isn't going to get MAD at you...if anything she is going to feel like it's her fault...she probably feels like a lot of things are her fault after getting divorced. She's sad too...just like you and your brothers...the worst question she is going to ask is why...and you just have to tell her the truth...you have been hurting so much over everything that has gone on the past few years that you just weren't thinking...and it happened. Tell her you are scared...she will help you. If she keeps asking questions just tell her right now you don't have answers to anything...it's the whole reason you cut in the first place...if you had answers to all of your OWN questions...it never would have happened.

[Hockeychik10]

well maybe ill try the art thingy but like i dk

 

well like my bf i can talk to him about stuff i mean when im around him im really happy and i told him how i cried for like 2 hours last nite scared and he trys to help and like its weird tho cuz i try to tlak to other people like my friend eryk about it and he doesnt no what to say my bf really doesnt no what to say either i have like no advice from my friends they dk what to say to me and i dk what to do or who to talk to

 

thats tru thast all my mom can pretty much say she'll end up cryin but im so scared to talk to her about it and im just really scared and i think she'll take it out on herself but i dk ill feel bad and i dk maybe im just weird....

[Prosper]

Hi..

 

If u dun feel dizzy of the loss of blood and the pain, it is alright u dun tell ur mum. Change a gauze tomorrow and as the weather is cold, please wear a bit more.

 

I talked to u about that meditation as it is very useful, coz it helps to ease lotsa of pain and sorrow.

 

Life is very much of the positive forces and negative forces. I was asking u picture a good side of urself, coz i want u to harness those positive forces of life, to create confidence in you, at least u do feel better from there, u noe.

 

U need not worry that u are ugly, just meditate that picture in ur mind, u will slowly feel that essense of life. And it will make u feel pretty.

 

U are a pretty woman, u noe. To sit down and picture something to meditate isnt a HUGE MOUNTAINOUS thing to do. I can help u to gain back that pretty lustre in u. NOW..

 

Pray for a mind to focus and then sit down and imagine a good image of u, a good family u have, and some good memories u have of ur boyfriend, and chants this.. i wan to love myself more. Keep repeating until u are tired and weary, then go and sleep. Repeat this whenever u wan to cut.

 

Dun ask me if there is any easier task then this, coz this is the simplest to start with and end with..

 

I am still praying for u..

[Hockeychik10]

well thank u i dk what to do i ran out of guaze this mornin and i dont wanna ask my mom to buy more shes gonna ask me for what? and i dk what to say iv been wearin light jackets l8ly but ill wear more my bf is always sayin im hot n stuff but im still i dk but iv never tried meditating maybe i will thanx for tryin to help

[ticklebug]

don't worry about your mom, she can handle more than you know...she won't take it out on herself...she has to take care of you...

 

Sometimes, it feels good to just TALK...and you can tell your BF that...it's more that you have someone who will listen to you than someone to tell you what to do I'd imagine...so next time you are having a bad time, and you go to tell him about it...just tell him that all you want is to just babble...that he doesn't have to give you advice...and just talk...if he doesn't know what to say...then just to give you a hug...a really nice tight one....and that would feel better than anything he could say.

 

Art is fun actually...heck, paint with your boyfriend and I bet more paint ends up on you than on the paper. =)

[Hockeychik10]

lol yea the paint would end up all over me lol well i dk i usually babble to my bf anyways but i dk if he finds it irritating or not and we hug each other alot and it makes me feel good and like im still freaked to tell my mom i think she noes cuz of my scars and i no shes seen them but she hasnt said anything to me yet i dk if shes wantin me to tell her or what and i dk im just freaked out i guess...but my bf lives 20 mins aways and i dont think id get to han gout wiht him that often just when i see him at my rink like 4 times a week but i dk ....

[Prosper]

Hi,

 

Thats even better. Staying at home too much isnt that good. U can go for walks if u want to. Thats going to be rejuvenating for ur body blood circulation as well as ur mind.

 

Enjoy shopping for ur gauze and have fun in walks..