Did I do the right thing? Super Confused. Any advice or words of comfort help.

[L33TPWNERS]

I haven't really ever done this whole typing it out thing, but I think if I talk about what happened I will feel better maybe

 

So... here goes

 

Just some background info.

This was my first real, serious relationship...

My ex and I are both 18, living with our parents and graduated from High School. She is Jewish and I am a christian.

 

We can call her Susie, just to hide names, ya know.

 

Susie is extremely close nit with her family, she tells her mother and father everything that is going on with her life, while I on the other hand go out of my way to not include my parents in my life. I feel it is just easier that way, as they don't butt in with their opinion or anything like that.

 

Ok, so Susie and I started dating a few months before high school ended. It was great, we saw each other every day, in class, before and after school. I took her out nearly every weekend to the movies.

 

(She told her mom about us the first day I asked her out. My mom didn't find out about us until my ex made it Facebook official)

 

Then we graduated. and things started to go downhill.

 

My mom is not Anti-Semitic or anything like that, but she made a couple of Jewish jokes. They were normal with our family and friends and we joke around like that, and I didn't think twice about it.

 

During one of Susie and I's late night calls, I wasn't thinking and I told Susie the Jewish joke my mom said.. She laughed and I thought all was well.

 

A few days pass, and every time I talked to Susie she was great and happy. But I talked to her sisters, and they said she was really upset and in tears.

 

I confronted her about it and she denied being upset.

 

Then I went to her house, and her mom sat me down and talked to me, saying the joke my mom made, really offended her and my ex. To the point where it made her cry.

 

Susie's mom then said Susie was not allowed to go to my house anymore, because she felt uncomfortable with her being there.

 

I told my mom this and my mom got pissed, and said I was not allowed to go to Susie's house anymore...

 

So I am sitting there, I cant go to her house, and she cant come to mine, and Susie is upset. I only want the best for her and for her to be happy.

 

We were talking over Skype about how to fix things, and the only thing we could come up with, was that we would have to just go out all the time to see each other.

 

We were both on board for it, but neither of us has a vehicle. Susie doesn't drive, and I could only use my moms Jeep.

 

The only problem is that every time I asked if I could use the jeep, there would be some reason as to why I couldn't.

 

Every single time. (Random chores out of nowhere, unexpected errands, sometimes just saying no because mom may need the car later.)

 

So I wasn't able to hang out with her ever except maybe once a week and even then only for 4 hours at a time or so, and when I was able to take Susie to the movies or something, I always had to take my little brothers (6 and 7 years old) which removed all sense of romance between Susie and I because I was basically babysitting.

 

So to see each other more, we turned to Skype.

 

We had huge Skype sessions sometimes 7-8 hours at a time, just talking, trying to be together.

 

Her mom was getting very upset with her, because she was now spending all day and night on Skype and not being with her family.

 

Her sister's new boyfriend also had a car, and could go over there whenever he wanted to, and that made my ex jealous because she wanted for me to be able to go over whenever we wanted.

 

So her family started to bash our relationship, saying passive aggressive things along the line of "You two live in the same town, so why are you making it into a long distance relationship?"

"If he doesn't start making an effort to see you, he isn't worth your time"

 

The only problem was that I was trying my hardest to see her every chance I got!

 

With all the pressure from my mom, not letting us see each other, and her family bashing us, I could tell this whole thing was crushing her. She was unhappy all the time, constantly crying and it broke my heart.

 

I only wanted the best for her, so I sat down and thought about it, for about 12 hours.

 

And after all that, I determined the best thing for her, and to make her happy, was to break up with her. It would get rid of the problem all together and she would get better and not have to deal with all this pressure.

 

And so I did it, and right at that moment I felt just awful. She yelled at me and everything like that, and I knew it was going to happen. But the breakup was just awful on me. She seemed to be just fine, but I went for about 2 weeks on 1-2 hours of sleep every other night and fueled by energy drinks.

 

We talked for a few hours every night after I broke up with her for 3 nights, just sorting things out that we were upset over during the relationship and we could call each other friends at the end of it.

 

Its been about 3 weeks now since we've broken up, but I just cant get this gut feeling out of me. Just constantly thinking about her, bout how she recovered so quickly over the break up, and just like, what I could have done differently, and if I made the right decision or not.

 

Then I went to a wedding and I met this other girl, Brittany. On the same day I met her, I ended up sleeping with her, (we didn't have sex, but got to 3rd base).

 

It was fun and all, and Brittany and I have been talking and we are gonna hook up again soon, but I feel really, really, bad, now and I just don't know why.

 

This whole thing is just tearing me apart, on the inside.

 

I don't really know what my final question is, just needed to get it off my chest I guess.

 

Maybe questions would be something along the lines of like...

 

 

Is this a normal reaction for a guy like me to have?

Why did Susie recover so quickly?

Why do I feel so bad about hooking up with someone else?

How long is this whole inner turmoil thing going to last?

 

Did I do the right thing...?

 

God this sucks. But thank you for reading, response or not, it felt good to talk about.

[Man with Dog]

Sorry, I replied to the original thread.

[L33TPWNERS]

For some reason it got closed, I am not sure why. But I remember you and you left a good response, so thank you again.

[Man with Dog]

I'm guessing it got closed because some element of it was considered racist.

[sharky988]

My mom is not Anti-Semitic or anything like that, but she made a couple of Jewish jokes. They were normal with our family and friends and we joke around like that, and I didn't think twice about it.

 

During one of Susie and I's late night calls, I wasn't thinking and I told Susie the Jewish joke my mom said.. She laughed and I thought all was well.

 

Ew.

 

Maybe you want to reconsider what is and isn't *acceptable* within your family and friends.

[DieTeufelKatze]

Racist "jokes" are the most insidious form of racism. People try to justify it as "oh... It's only a joke, where's your sense of humor?" But the fact is, it's racism, dressed up in a very marginally socially acceptable costume. So making a racist, anti-semitic joke to someone who is Jewish... That's an open mouth, insert foot kind of moment.

 

If your family makes racist jokes often, you must realize what it is. You can't preface stuff with "Oh, he's/she's/I'm not racist/anti-semitic or anything like that, but..." And then go on to make a racist joke. No, that is racist, sorry.

 

This is one of the reasons I dumped my ex... His family is racist, and he made some blatantly racist comments he tried to blow off as "joking."

 

You're just going to have to go through the stages of grief on this one, and ride out the uncomfortable feelings. They are normal.

 

I would encourage you to examine the racial bias you've apparently been raised with. Even if you think it's "joking," it is racism. It's no coincidence your mom was making anti-semitic jokes, I believe she didn't approve of your relationship (likely due to some hidden bigotry) and made them to try and get you on board with her agenda. That you then told them to your Jewish girlfriend... Well, I can see no other reason why you did that other than to see if you'd jump on board with your family's sense of "humor," which is actually thinly veiled hate.

 

You can try to defend, deny and justify racist "jokes" all you want, but if I were you, I would more closely examine the "values" you were brought up with.

[mhowe]

I am a little confused...you tell your mother nothing...according to you.

And yet she found out that Susie wasn't allowed and that they were offended by her jokes.

Which caused you to not be allowed at her house...for no real reason.

 

And instead of reasoning with your mother...you basically abandoned your gf.

She didn't get over the relationship quickly...but she did realize that you were not the right boy for her.

 

You are using the new girl to get over Susie. Some guys do that.

[L33TPWNERS]

I am a little confused...you tell your mother nothing...according to you.

And yet she found out that Susie wasn't allowed and that they were offended by her jokes.

Which caused you to not be allowed at her house...for no real reason.

 

And instead of reasoning with your mother...you basically abandoned your gf.

 

I don't tell her anything really, but I was upset over the whole thing and asked my dad what to do. He told my mom that Susie wasnt allowed to come over.

 

And as for all the people saying about the racist thing. Thank you for all your opinions really, they all really help, but there is a major difference between making a few jokes (while inappropriate they may be) and actually hating the people.

 

I have an open mind, and I make gay jokes. Doesnt mean I hate gay people though. One of my best friends is gay. I make gay jokes with him.

 

I figured it was alright to do the same logic with my girlfriend. I wasn't thinking and it was stupid of me, I should have kept my mouth shut, believe me I have beaten myself up over it.

 

As for the abandoning my gf thing, Unless I am looking at the situation all wrong, I broke up with her, because being with me made her upset and cry all the time, and I couldn't handle making her upset, so I did what I thought was best.

 

 

Again, thank you for all the replies... They all really help, more then you know. Thank you

 

(BTW... Happy 4th of July everyone ^_^ )

[mhowe]

FYI ---- making gay jokes to gays, or Jewish jokes to Jews, or any other etnic slurring jokes to any other ethnic --- is highly inappropriate.

And incredibly socially unacceptable. As in not funny.

 

If you have an open mind, then hear this: mocking people is not funny.

 

And your parents are incredibly close minded.