update: good news and bad news

[ocean9]

Here is my update:

 

In a nutshell, she loves me dearly but doesn't feel romantic love for me.

She wants to remain friends.

[Hope75]

Ugh.

 

Sorry to hear that ocean9.

 

Are you ok ?

 

Never the news we want to hear......

 

At least now you can move on with your life and find some one who appreciates you for who you are.

[hockeyboy]

if thats the case and i speak from my own experience...dont go there.

 

read my newest post and you'll see how my situation turned out

[ocean9]

I feel numb.

[ocean9]

...at least she told me the truth though.

[Mentor]

 

 

Sorry man.

 

Give youself lots of time to heal, and try not to burn this bridge. Maybe one day, long into the future you can be friends. Not now though...

 

 

[ocean9]

The weird thing is, she is still ALL over me when we spend time together. "Friends" don't do certain things.

 

I didn't even react when she told me. I was just so numb. I managed to actually spend several hours hanging out with her, and I kissed her goodbye when she left.

 

I don't think it has 'hit' me yet.

[Mentor]

I've been there. It does take time to sink in

 

When Lisa broke up with me I actually felt good the first couple of days. A strange sort of elation. Part of it was finally knowing, but there was more to it than that. Very strange.

 

I made it through We are all here for you, you will get through this too!

[ocean9]

Thanks Mentor.

Ya, I think it is shock or something.

[FleX]

Like the saying goes:

 

There's friendship in love. Love in friendship, never.

 

Your being strung. I say burn the bridge don;t look back and find something more worthwhile.

[Mentor]

There's friendship in love. Love in friendship, never.

 

Your being strung. I say burn the bridge don;t look back and find something more worthwhile.

 

I guess everyone is different. I have a couple of exes that I would love to have around as friends now, years later. Sadly, those bridges are burned, and it will not happen.

 

I think that some people just underestimate the time that it takes. We are talking years here, but one day, you will likely look back and wish that they were still in your life. I mean, that's how it all strats, right? As friends?

[ocean9]

We were friends, and things started to escalate physically. She initiated that. She still wants the affection, but she is not in love. I cannot really wrap my head around that one though. Why would a woman want to be affectionate with someone she's not in love with? Pure need or what?

[Mentor]

We were friends, and things started to escalate physically. She initiated that. She still wants the affection, but she is not in love. I cannot really wrap my head around that one though. Why would a woman want to be affectionate with someone she's not in love with? Pure need or what?

 

It fills a void. We all have a drive for physical affection, we need to be touched. You are comfortable, safe, familiar. She will drop you the second she finds someone new

[amanda22]

im sorry to hear that ocean. i think friends at this point would only benefit her. for you, its only going to hurt. but like you said, at least she was honest. just dont let her play with your emotions...

 

She still wants the affection, but she is not in love. I cannot really wrap my head around that one though. Why would a woman want to be affectionate with someone she's not in love with?

 

and they best way to do that is nc. at least until she doesnt have this power over you anymore. sometimes you can be friends and sometimes you cant. you just have to wait a while to find out. your emotions are too raw right now.

[ocean9]

You are comfortable, safe, familiar. She will drop you the second she finds someone new

 

probably...but I won't stop myself from doing the same frankly

[Break up Veteran]

It fills a void. We all have a drive for physical affection, we need to be touched. You are comfortable, safe, familiar. She will drop you the second she finds someone new

 

That is not always the case. More often than not this is true, the ex will try to get comfort from you until they can replace you and your role as security blanket ends.

 

But what if they are supposed to be with the 'replacement' and they still come to you for the physical comfort (I don't mean sex)?

 

It can be interpreted pretty badly on many levels and could be considered cheating. But, does it mean anything?

[Mentor]

That is not always the case. More often than not this is true, the ex will try to get comfort from you until they can replace you and your role as security blanket ends.

 

But what if they are supposed to be with the 'replacement' and they still come to you for the physical comfort (I don't mean sex)?

 

It can be interpreted pretty badly on many levels and could be considered cheating. But, does it mean anything?

 

If your relationship with your ex was especially significant/deep, it can take a long time for them to find the same sort of comfort in a "replacement". Even if things are going well with the new person, bonding to the point where your ex feels safe and secure with them can take many months. If the "replacement" is just a rebound, that kind of connection may never form.

 

If you have been dumped, it is easy to believe that you are easily forgotten, easily replaced. This is probably even a protection mechanism to help you move on. In many cases however, it is very hard for the dumper to find someone who can compare favourably, especially if they expect that void to be filled immediately.

 

Just my theory anyway. Worth every cent that you paid for it

[PrincessLinzay]

If you have been dumped, it is easy to believe that you are easily forgotten, easily replaced. This is probably even a protection mechanism to help you move on. In many cases however, it is very hard for the dumper to find someone who can compare favourably, especially if they expect that void to be filled immediately.

 

That, is an EXCELLENT point my friend.