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My Scarlet Letters Spell Out Your Name

From_Now_On

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From_Now_On

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My Scarlet Letters Spell Out Your Name

(Etched Into This Flesh of Mine)

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

In the jagged twists and turns of a blade

Are the shakey hand-stitched letters

That this sorrowed soul has made

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

Amidst a hidden many more

Are the tallies of so many lies

But...who's keeping the score

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

Where only you would have known to look

--With the other pains I shared Only with you

A carved alphabet of what you took:

 

My last hopes of getting through this

My last try at trusting again

My realization that my worst enemy

Will be the One I called a friend

 

And it's more complicated

-Than to just say it's your fault

And neglect to share this blame

But my skin is decorated

-And that's All my fault

But it's the lesser of the pains

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

The visualization, of the wear this life has left

Chosen specific as to enshrine, in

Handiwork so botchy, yet somehow still so deft

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

Like the embossment of my self-loathing

A wound cut so deep

I can't forsee a closing

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

Is the definition of my inner hurt

It says so much with such mocking simplicity

--The epitome of curt

 

Etched into this flesh of mine

--If of it I have the right to claim?

Are the secret scarred crimson letters

And they spell out--your name

 

***Some random explanations and things I wanted to point out***

***((In case the reader was wondering and/or interested))***

____________________________________________________

1 ) The title: "My Scarlet Letters Spell Out Your Name" is an

allusion/tribute to "The Scarlet Letter". If you noticed this on your

own and have read the story...you might have taken note of the

relationship between Hester's scarlet letter (but even moreso

Dimmesdale's). And the idea of the pluralization is that each letter

stands for it's own struggle. The title at a quick glance then would

imply that all of my struggles are the fault of this other person.

However, this is not what is meant. Each letter is it's own struggle,

yes? But not just struggle...trial. And through trial's in life, we learn

lessons. All of my struggles that seemed so significant in themselves

led me up to this one struggle...this current struggle. Which someone

besides myself might call the lost of my first love. To me, the loss of

my first real friend. But technicalities aside; all of my past trials

are remembered when I think of him. Through this one life lesson,

were more recognized for what they were....just another small part

to a whole piece. And this realization came with him...so the respect

is paid thus that all of those past things should be put under his name.

Also, when I have healed more, I will be able to label that all as the past.

I'll take what I have learned and leave the troubles back where they

belong. However, with the thoughts of him that will come back, at

least on occasions...so will the thoughts of all of the past trials.

 

2 ) This poem can be taken in literal terms...but, it also is meant to

be seen in metaphorical terms. Yes, I do "cut"...but that's not what is

supposed to be the whole or even main focus here. The line (and

subtitle): "Etched Into This Flesh of Mine"...(likewise) is not meant

to be taken just literally. But also metaphorically. And it's not just

the self-inflicted wounds I refer to when I speak literally, but the wear

of age and the like as well.

 

3 ) In the fourth line of the second stanza, I on purpose did not use a

question mark. It's a sarcastic and retorical question. And yet at the

same time, an expression of loneliness and even self-disgust in that I

am the only one "keeping score" or caring.

 

4 ) In the third stanza you are informed that he was the first person I

shared my other deep hurts with, also, he would be the only one who

would have "known to look"...for my hurt or change in attitude that

I was upset and so on, (or for my SI cuts because only he knows

about that). Also note, I capitalized "only" in this stanza. I did that

not by accident.

 

5 ) The fourth stanza...again I capatalize mid-sentence. Again, it's no

mistake.

 

6 ) Bitter as this poem perhaps may appear at times, a glimps at the

fifth stanza explains my feelings quite well. This poem encompasses

a lot of emotions...emotions that at times might even seem to

contradict each other...but there in lies the complexity of the situation

(and many situations of life). We don't always have things cut and dry.

In this stanza I do take all the blame for the SI..because, it is my fault.

It is not his fault what I do to myself. Though, the small physical pain is

far less painful than the hurt of all of this non-physical hurting.

 

7 ) The last line of the sixth stanza reads: "Handiwork so botchy,

yet somehow still so deft". There are a couple meanings there. They

aren't too difficult to note, you just have to take the time to read the line

to see them. In other words, just because the wording in this stanza and

specifically this line, breaks up a little more tricky perhaps, don't get

caught up in all of that to the point where you forget to see the meanings.

 

8 ) The last line of the poem: "And they spell out--your name" has it's

metaphorical meanings to look for. However, at the same time it also

sacrafices what is actually 'etched into my skin' to the literal readers,

which to clarify and satisfy that perspective, is: (as the line states) his

name.

 

((In conclusion...there are many more things about this poem that I

could get into...but I've already gotten into a great deal and I wouldn't

want to take all of the wonder and thought out of the piece...because

then what fun is reading it at all? You probably think I'm crazy for

getting too much in depth on this one piece as it is anyway. I admit

I have been reading too many books on the stufy of literature lately

...but mostly, it's just that, I did not want this to be entirely taken at

face value. I didn't want it to just be "The Rhyming Rant of A Cutter".

I'm not saying that is a bad thing, and I have nothing against people who

have written such pieces at all. But that was not what THIS piece was

all about. And I wanted that to be noted. Also, please, if you leave a

comment, do not lecture me on cutting. I know that is unhealthy, not

smart, etc etc etc. And I believe all that to be very true. I have my own

story and excuses...and in the end, I still know I should not do it. And this

is definetly not a poem meant as an advertisement of the disorder. So

please, comment on the piece if you comment. You are definetly allowed

to say you do not like the poem...what matters to me is that the poem is

actually read, and people don't just get hung up on trying to 'break my habit'

or what have you. Thank you for reading.))

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Delaurence23 Collaborator

Delaurence23

Posted
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And it's more complicated

-Than to just say it's your fault

And neglect to share this blame

But my skin is decorated

-And that's All my fault

But it's the lesser of the pains

 

that is my favorite stanza

i can totally relate to last lines

this poem is simply incredible

i relate to it so well

youre an amazing poet

i enjoy your writing

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