LETTER ?

[archiep]

okay this is longish so please bear with me. My GF and i have been seeing each other since February this year. We are very much in love with each other but early in the realtionship i had insecurity problems probably down to ex wife leaving me 2 year ago and the fact that my GF is a stunner, and i mean stunner.

 

So we have had 6 or 7 fall outs over the 10 month and one big one back in September. Nothing violent, just me being insecure, saying i wasnt getting enough love etc etc. When we fell out in September the last time it was major because we were on holiday and it was ruined, and i was totally at fault in that argument and she felt i let her down. So she wanted a break. After 2 weeks of begging to no avail, i found this site and did NC for a further 3 week.

 

She then contacted me, saying we could go out, but have to take things slowly as she wanted to be sure. So we did, only seeing each other once a week, eventually after 3 weeks of this ,sleeping with each other. Things were going fine, in fact very well. Then last Sunday happens. She text me on Saturday to ask me to Sunday dinner. I accept. I then wait Sunday for her text or call telling me what time dinner was. It gets to 5pm, i think dinner must be soon so i send her a text saying is dinner still on.

 

At 6 she texts back saying, stop playing silly games we have been waiting for you since 530, dont come now we are about to eat. Im stunned, and send her message back saying thanks for telling me what time to come. The phone rings, i am in the bathroom and eventually get to it but the machine has kicked in. I manage to cancel machine, and its GF apologising , saying she thought she had told me, but now realises she didnt.

 

I go off the handle saying it wasnt fair and shouldnt have accused me of playing games, and i do lose temper here and start shouting. I did this because the was the first time going back to her house since Sept, and first time meeting her kids again and it was an important day for me, and it seemed ruined thro no fault of my own. For some reason the phone then goes dead. I assume she put it down.

 

 

Now i realise i shouldnt have lost temper, but she now says i overreacted and it brought back memories of the past. She also says i was ignorant by putting phone down (i didnt honestly do this, dont know what happened here) and this also brought back memories of me not talking things through. She also states i was ignorant and typically me by not even bothering to pick phone up in first place, and letting machine come on.

 

 

Whatever the wrongs and rights of this she is now adamant its over. And i mean adamant. I know in my heart she has no intention of trying again. She has told me straight not to ever contact her again, has stated she does not want to talk or meet and basically says that although she loves me she cannot stand anmyore upset and at our age (40) we should not be falling out as much, its not normal. She also states that she knows it will happen again, and does not want us to end up becoming bitter towards each other.

 

 

I accept its over, and theres nothing i can do. What i can't let go of is her thinking all that stuff happened deliberately. I want to write a letter explaining about the answering machine, and about the phone going dead, both of which she blames me for, but as God is my witness were not this time an intention. Its almost a cry wolf story and my reputation caused her to believe what she did. I also want to put in the letter about how important that day was to me and seeing her kids again, somewhat explaining why i overreacted on phone.

 

Let me make this clear, i dont want to write this as manipulation in the hope she will come back. I dont think there would be a cat in hells chance as she feels right now. I want her to understand what happened but at the same time agree how it could seem it was me being my old self. I also want to state in this letter how much she meant to me and to wish her a good life. I want her to know this because i am in no doubt she will never come back. She meant the world to me and i want her to know i accept her decision and to thank her for the time we had together. There will be no pleading, or begging just an explanation of that day and goodbye and good luck.

 

Maybe sometime well ahead in the future she may look back and wonder if the whole story about the phone things were explained to her,and maybe consider changing her mind, but i think that would be months away if at all, as she is very strong minded and independent and would force herself to face it if she thinks its for the best. i know she loves me deeply and even said in her goodbye call that i was perfect for her apart from the fall outs and she cant have them anymore.

 

 

I dont want to ruin any future chance with the letter, but my own heart tells me she wont be coming back, so i want her to understand the bits that happened that day and how much she meant to me, and i want to wish her well in case she never does come back, otherwise feel i would always regret not telling her.

 

Should i send ?

[PrincessLinzay]

It's really hard to say at this point whether the letter should be sent. You sound pretty level-headed, so if you think you can send a letter without sounding manipulative or mushy, I would say go ahead. If there really isn't a chance of reconciliation, this probably won't make a big difference.

 

Im sorry to hear what happened, and maybe things will change down the line, until then, hang in there.

[lillady898]

I think it'd be a good idea to send the letter, but only if you're doing it for closure. Only to give your side of the story. There have been times where I have just really wanted someone to know how I felt, but I was never given the chance. Then it just felt like it was always on my mind and I felt restless. So contacting again was something I had to do for me, am I am guessing is your intention. To make things okay for you. As long as you have no expectations of changing her feelings, then I think you should definetly send the letter.