shallow? - looking for opinons

[emma34]

I am 18...and in all relationships I have eventually broke up with them b/c I did not see a succesfful future with them, whether it be financial, placement, etc. It seems stupid to me now to worry about such things at such a young age. I am now casually dating two guys. One is a hot hockey player whom I swoon for every time I'm around. He's fun, and I love being with him, but we don't have a lot in common. The other is not quite as good looking, but we can talk for hours and hours. One is definitely more "stable" towards future...but should i even bother worrying about this kind of thing? Is it ok to be a little shallow?

[Kaspa]

How old are you? School? Living on your own?

[justagirl20f]

of course it's okay! More power to ya! It's not being shallow, it's knowing what you want and refusing to settle for anything else. You absolutely should be thinking about the future potential with someone, or else why waste your time and their time if you know it won't work long term anyway?!

 

I say, if it isn't working 100% for you and you have the power to end it for both your benefits, then that's great. I know lots of people want to tie themselves down in relationships with incompatable people so if that's not a habit you have it's a positive thing. Why be with someone "good but not quite right" when your mister right comes along?? Also, do you think it will hurt anyone less if you break up in the distant future when more emotion has been involved?

 

Take care!

[emma34]

i am 18.still in high school

[boredguy]

well emma34,

i know what im bout to say is going to sound pretty cliche, but it seems as though u are thinking with ur mind and not ur heart. it makes a lot of sense to look at the stability of a person and their future and stuff, but at this age, its just time to have fun. so my advive to you is, just relax and have a good time, dont look at people too critically for who they might be in the future, just look at them for who they are now.

[thoroughlymodern]

no, no, no. I think you are fine. It's actually good to think about that sort of stuff. It's not being shallow, its being practical and realistic. I see it this way; common goals. Why would you want to date someone that has a totally different goal, value, etc. I think its pratical, not shallow, to want to be with someone who is not the same as you, but shares goals and values and offers somewhat of a future. I would not consider myself shallow for not wanting to date someone of a different religion when i know that relationship would never work out. Good luck, think about beauty fades....hottie won't be hot forever

[gersanos]

It depends on the details. From my own experience, I almost always broke up with girls back in high school and college, and as I started to get older I began to look at myself and realized that I had this picture of an ideal girlfriend and none of them were good enough. With that mentality, it'll be hard for me to find anybody long-term. However, I did not lower my standards per se, but began to open up my heart, instead of my mind. My mind always found flaws or reasons to justify breaking up.

 

The whole "don't settle" thing is a very fine line to walk. If you go through life with that mentallity, I wonder how many people will be truly happy in a long-term relationship/marriage. You just may go through life searching forever, and, possibly not find what it is you're seeking.

 

I don't know if that's the case with you or not, but it is important to look at financial and all the other variables when dating someone. If someone isn't making X amount of dollars a year, then it can be an issue when it comes to support/family/bills, but then again, a fine line between that and gold-diggers out there. I can't say without more info.

 

At your age, you're still figuring out what it is you want and don't want. It's normal in a way. You're still very young, but, it is a good thing that you are aware of this. That's a positive step in the right direction, and in time, you'll figure it out as you continue to grow.