Is there still any chance to get him back?

[Hellokatie]

I was in a relationship with my ex-bf for a year or so and broke up with him a month ago. We had great time together and love each other so much.

 

A while ago, I initiated those long, tedious conversations about commitment many times and achieved nothing. Then I said "either commit, or break up". We broke up at that night but I didn't seriously mean to break up with him. It was just the wrong wordings when I was extremely tired and frustrating. (It was during my exam weeks)

 

After another few weeks talking with him, he finally told me he made up his mind not to get back together. And he thinks it is impossible to be together after all these terrible weeks. However he cares me a lot.

 

I told him yesterday that after all these weeks, spending lots of time with friends, reading, working and travelling, my heart tells me that he is just the person I want to be with. I wrote him an email telling him what I feel briefly.

 

However, as he said before, his reason to move on is that he doens't want both of us to be hurt in the future if I strongly desire a formal commitment which he might at a stage not be able to offer. And the differences between us which is not big problem now might evolve into huge conflicts. He couldn't see any future and dynamics of our relationships anymore. Even if we are back together now, we could have great time together, it is too much unpredictable in a long run.

 

After convinced that the relationship was over, I picked up my pride off the floor and got a new start for my own life. But my heart just tells me I still want to be with him. Commitment or differences is not really the issue if both of us could communicate and understand, and we certainly need more tolerance.

 

I try to be a friend of him, call him or meet up with him for a light meal once a week, although it is pretty hard for me at the moment.

 

Now my problems here is: for a man who made up his mind to separate himself from me for the reasons mentioned above, is it still any chance that he will turn back. What shall I do?

 

No contact rule might help, but for my case, I think it might not as well.

[ticklebug]

Now my problems here is: for a man who made up his mind to separate himself from me for the reasons mentioned above, is it still any chance that he will turn back.

 

doubtful...you put an ultimatum out there...no one likes to be ordered to comply...or else...it showed a side of you that he didn't like very much...most people don't. You can't demand someone commit just because you want it, it's a mutual decision...the fact that you found the conversations "tedious" (on top of having to have more than one!) should have been an indication for you to back off...bad timing....

 

you got the or else and it is a mistake you are going to have to live with.

[Hellokatie]

Yes, I admit my problems. He hates me putting ultimatum and demanding for many times. It is one of the major differences that he mentioned that he couldn't put up with. But I really learnt the lesson and won't do it ever again for anyone.

 

I just don't know how to make him convinced about my change.

[ticklebug]

you can't...he won't believe you...it's a bridge burned...there are points where you push so hard it breaks....

 

at least you learned a lesson for the next guy you date.

 

 

hugs

[Hellokatie]

I just realize the ultimatum doesn't work, especially the decision is important. I might be too late. But I really don't want to miss him out of my life. And we are indeed a good couple, have lots of common values, interests and enjoy doing things together.

 

Is there any positive advice for me? I don't want to push him into any decision but hope the feelings could be recandled and both of us could get over those bad memories.

[ticklebug]

oof...

 

only time will tell I guess...that and make sure you don't push...

 

show him by action rather than words you are a changed person and learned a lesson...

 

ball is in his court tho...it will be his job to bring up the idea of getting back together if it is something he decides he wants...

[mbella12]

the same thing happened to me also, my ex broke up with me after two years of being together saying that he is ready to be in a committed lifetime relationship...but NOT WITH ME...and guess what?..he is only 24. I think you are better off not getting back with him for a while, because if you keep forcing the issue on him...he might get back with you and have a committed relatioship but its not going to be based on passionate love but on pity...and i'm guessing you do not want that. Trust me, I am also on the same boat as you are...in pain and desperately wants to get back with my ex...but I know that things happen for a reason and that in the long run I am better off without him...Good luck, and give it more time and you'll start thinking with your mind and not with your heart when you realized that there are other better people out there for you than him.

[Hellokatie]

Yes, I agree with you. I feel insecurity as I am always imagine that I might be hanging around with him for ages and when he is considering for a commited lifetime relationship, he is leaving me for someone else.