I feel selfish and immature for wanting to leave

[cloclo85]

i am 28,got married 4 yrs ago.i have a 3yrs old daughter.

heres the issue: i fell out of love. i got married too fast,did not think it through,got pregnant too fast,did not think it through,gave up on all my life to move in with him(outside of my home city),did not think it through. well now its bitting me in the ass and i want to start over. i was extremely insecure and not confident when i met him and i basically held on to him because i thought that no other man would love me like he did.

i grew up,learned a lot about myself,and realized that this was all wrong from the beginning.we r totally different and i got married for the wrong reasons.

i have been trying to leave but evrytime he texts me and call me crying,i cant stand it,it kills me to hurt him and i go back,and i try to just live day to day,waiting for something to happen so i can move on.

he is so convinced that we r soulmates! doesnt he sees what i see??? he is holding on so strong on our marriage.

he is a good,very good man.he is a good father,and it is because of him that i found my way and now feel confident in myself.he supported me through a lot and now i feel so guilty for wanting to leave. i feel like i owe him.i cannot be mean and hurt him.if hes hurt,i am devastated by what i am doing to him.

i feel alone in my situation.it feels like evrybody just say " well thats what marriage is,just work out it." really?! so look at ur life pass u by??

is there anybody in my situation or that went through what im going through?

[conbeno]

Well this really hard. I have a friend in similar situation after having two hard years they finally got divorced. She is better for now.

For me it is not healthy to carry such a burden in a relationship for both of you and your child.

But before you decide what to do you should spend some time alone with you maybe a holiday helps you.

And I advise you should see a Professional.

Hope you get well..

[mhowe]

I think once again --- you are not thinking it through.

You made mistakes....but your life is not passing you by. You are not engaging in it.

 

I suggest marriage counseling.

 

What is it you are leaving for?

[Lorem Ipsum]

And I advise you should see a Professional.

Yes. You need to get some counselling. Otherwise, how are you going to know for sure that this isn't one of those decisions that you didn't think through? You owe it to yourself, your child and your husband to be certain that this is the right decision this time. Because if a few years go by and you realise you never should have left your husband, that's not something that can be easily undone. It's not just you any more. No matter what you do, you've got someone else to consider in decisions like this -- your child.

[pl3asehelp]

Agree with the others. You should have learned from all of this that your own judgement is suspect. Slow down, get some professional advice before doing something to permanently alter your kids life.

[Hobbit 11]

Hi cloclo.

 

I read your thread and it is exactly the same situation I am in with my wife.

My wife has separated from me with my daughter and son for just over a month now and I cant even begin to tell you how this has devastated me.

All I can say is look into the future. You husband wants to make your marriage work and he is holding on strong. A marriage is 100% - 100%.

Divorce is 50 - 50.

You said that you fell out of love yet you say he is a good man and a good father.

How can he become a better husband and lover to you. These are changes that only you 2 can discuss and work on together.

Don't leave him in the dark because this is making you unhappy and this effecting your marriage.

Having a kid means that you did see a future together with each other and starting a family is a very important decision.

I did go to a therapist. It helped me a bit because I needed to let go of my past to be a better person for myself.

Once I was happy with the person I am now, I can actually say I am making better life decisions.

Myself and my wife are still separated, but I am getting to know me and this is a much better person for my 2 kids.

I was the problem in our marriage and only I could change my past ways.

 

"The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before".