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Is it wrong to want to talk about it?


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Hello. I was wondering, is it wrong to want to talk about something traumatic and sad that happened to me? Like, sometimes I just feel the need to tell people about what I've gone through. I stop myself almost constantly, because I don't want to seem like an attention seeker, or that I'm just being a downer. And I really don't want to go to a therapist, support group, or start medication for any of this stuff (parents have been pushing really hard for medication, I'm not a fan of it).

 

So I mean, is it wrong to want to talk about my experience? Or should I just "deal with it" like my manager told me to the other night at work...?

 

Thanks for your advice.

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Of course it is not wrong to talk about it. It is how we get better. With that being said we have to have a filter about WHO we talk about it with. We also have to realize that friends and family members are not objective and not trained therapists and should not be treated as such in lieu of one. And the fastest way to get in trouble at work is to let personal troubles hang out there.

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I think you have to weigh what talking about it to random people would be as opposed to talking to a therapist who will help you figure out how to avoid the mines in the field so you don't blow off an emotional "limb".

 

Your manager is a jerk; however, you are at work being paid to do a job, not sit around and talk about what happened. The advantage of talking with a therapist or a group is that that's what they're there to do. Your average person may not be equipped or interested in what's happened and they may resent you "dumping" on them.

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Ok...I guess I'll probably just go about keeping it to myself then. Try not to let it bring me down too much at work. I did the therapy rout a little over a year ago, and it helped at the time with my problems then, but I really can't see it helping me now. Back then I didn't know why I was depressed, and she helped me figure it out. Now I have absolutely no problem knowing why I'm upset all the time, I just don't know what to do with those feelings. And I'm really not going to try and talk about this to other people face to face, because I'll just start bawling and that get's me no where. So thanks for the advice...

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It's not wrong to want to talk about it... but if you want to talk about it, why are you so against a support group? Support groups don't include medication, necessarily, and are probably the best place to go to talk because you are much more likely to meet someone who is going to be better able to commiserate with you. It will also help you learn when and how to advocate for your experiences.

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Now I have absolutely no problem knowing why I'm upset all the time, I just don't know what to do with those feelings..

 

sorting out issues with a therapist is like peeling an onion. You get through one layer, then there is another layer to contend with.

 

It's good you have no problem knowing why you're upset all the time. However, part of resolving your issues is to know what to do with your feelings and that is also a part of the therapy process. Your average person doesn't know what to tell you--they've got their own issues and feelings they're dealing with on a daily basis.

 

Learning how to productively channel your feelings so that they don't double back on you and cause you harm is important... and yes, you still do need to be talking to a therapist if you're stuck here. It's a matter of how long you feel like being lost when you can easily work with someone who can help you draw a map.

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NothingIsWrong,

 

There is nothing wrong with sharing your story. Yes, sharing your story will most likely make people uncomfortable, but you have to look out for yourself. What personally has helped me, was sharing my story with other people. I have also learned that some of the most hurtful comments were made by the people that I love, but the only reason for that is because they have never gone through the same thing I did. Joining a support group sounds scary, but it might be very helpful. I gained a "grief" friend from my support group. Do you have any friends that are willing to just listen? Most of the time people are not sure how to react, so just tell them that you want them to listen to you and nothing else. Take care of yourself.

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Of course you want to share your story. It is your story, it is important. You simply need to keep time and place in mind, and who you are speaking to. Your manager could have phrased it a lot better, but he was right that you should not go around work crying about it at work. It is far from professional. If you have a friend or coworker who you really want to know your story, meet with them after work. Just remember, it may be more difficult to look them in the eyes the next day. Also remember, it may hurt them to listen to your story. When I was raped, I wanted to share with the people closest to me what happened, and of course they listened and hugged me and it made me feel better, but it caused them a lot of pain. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that, but just keep it in mind, good timing would be a day that you have together, not half an hour before they go to work, give them time to process it. See what I mean?

 

Support groups don't have to be in a traditional sense. There are many online forums full of people who have a story like yours, maybe that is on this website and maybe it is on another one. I found a lot of support on a board for rape survivors, I also found a lot of support last fall when I gave a speech to my public speaking class on what had happened to me and how it had shaped me.

 

Share your story, just find the appropriate space to do it in. Best of luck

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