break up w/long term heart broken

[sweetlysummer]

Hey there,

I am new here.

but i recently broke up with year and a half boy friend.

I reacted and said things i never thought i could.

He constantly over the last 6 months confused me so bad, i could never make heads or tails of anything.

I am now in the phase of trying to sort out whether it was his fault or mine.

Bad scene for the break-up.

But i miss him so terribly.!!Yet he was so cold and mean, very unlike him...

It almost feels like it will never go away.All the hurt...

I really need some unbiased optomistic help and support.

please feel free to ask or comment.

I feel empty and alone, i am recovering from a long term illness as well.

Man what is next???

[ashik]

just give urself time and u'l be fyne, time will heal everything.

Give urself time to grieve n everything, and think bout what happened, why it happened, and how u can improve from this experience.

Ask urself what positive did i get from this relationship, jus focus on the positives and u'l be jus fyne.

Good luck

[sweet single]

Ahhh yes. The recent breakup. A very, very painful place to be (which is why I don't try to persue relationships at this time). The good new is that by our age we know the excruciating pain of the recent breakup fades. It may not ever completely go away but it will get better. Regarding fault. It the problems were your fault you would know. It probably wasn't anyones fault really. Also, in my experience after a breakup when a guy who was sweet and nice becomes cold and mean, he will continue to be cold and mean no matter what kind of relationship you two continue to have. If you are occational friends that get together for coffee, if you date again, if you hang out in a group. He now knows he can get away with being mean and cold and will continue to disrespect you. Stay away from him. There are men out there who won't send mixed messages, who will be good to you and appreciate all the good things I'm sure you have to offer. Don't chase the jerks. Sometimes it is better to be alone for awhile.

Hope you feel better

[sayer7]

I wouldn't kick yourself about figuring out who's fault it was. It doesn't matter at this point. It's over and it's best not to beat yourself up over something you don't know about right now. I know it hurts though and you have my sympathies... been there myself a couple times. What you do need to do is take care of your self, body, mind, and spirit so you can recover from the illness and get back on your feet again, stronger than ever.

 

Make sure you eat healthily and exercise alittle to burn off some of the hurt and stress you might feel from breaking up. Nothing helps clear the head better than going for a little walk outside and enjoying the day as much as you can.

 

Hope this helps hon. Just remember, time will heal your wounds. "This, too, shall pass."

[evy38]

There is a book out called The Ambivlant Man. You may want to check it out, it may make you feel better and help you understand your ex better.

[ebola316]

I also said some nasty things the day of our break-up, but looking back on them now, I think they're mostly true.

 

I called him a bum, and told him he never was anything and never will be. This is not far far the truth, since he is has been on disability since I met him, and has only worked sporadically. There's nothing wrong with him either. So I don't know why he still gets SS.

 

I told him his sister was an idiot. Not far from the truth. Thanksgiving was the first time I met her, and though she seems pleasant, she speaks ebonics.

 

I told him his nieces look like 2 dollar hookers. They do!

 

Not very nice huh? And if I didn't say these things, he would probably still be here. We all say things out of anger and frustration, but if that's all it takes to break people up, there wasn't that much there to begin with.

[FleX]

Woah... sounds like a horrible ending. If he's acting cold let him... Some people need to act cold to get over someone. Bottom line is that you both broke up and what's done is done.

[ebola316]

yeah Flex, it was a bad breakup, he called a couple of times and I begged him to come back, but to no avail.

 

What really put the icing on the cake was Thanksgiving. I had the worst Thanksgiving I ever had in my life. We were at his family's and I didn't want to be there. I wasn't acting nice, he was drunk, and one thing led to another. The next day he said, you ruined my Thanksgiving, but you're not ruining my Christmas. Then I told him to leave. It was a bad scene.

[FleX]

Eh... begging makes things worse cuz it convinces them that they made the right decision in the first place... I know I tried... don't be afraid to explore your options... if being with him was so horrible... why go back? Find someone that appreciates you and take this as a learning experience... remember that being independent and single is good too! You get so much more done IMO. =)

[ebola316]

It wasn't a really bad relationship. The main problem was we lived together 2 years. The first couple of months were great. After that, I felt like I was living with a roommate with benefits.

 

Everything was "his and yours' never ours. I would ask him why he never told me he loved me and I would get answers like "Why, so you can walk all over me?"

 

When we got together with his family or friends, I would sort of like fade into the background. Little things like this caused me frustration and made me strike out at him verbally.

[FleX]

On the issue of love... I have to say that a man should only say "I love you" in the deepest most sincerest of moments. I found out that the more you say it the less effect it has. It's a sacred three letter word that should only be used for the right occasion...

 

Your ex never said it... but he should have expressed his love to you through his actions. I guess he wasn't committed or afraid of taking it to the next step.