sweet single

To the point..I recently was diagnosed with cancer. The good news is it was caught very early and my prognosis is very good. Of coarse it is still terrifying to me. Today in the mail my boyfriends parents sent me a video. It is of a church sermon where the preacher is talking about dying of cancer and forgiveness! In the video is inserted a film short about a young woman who 'needs to forgive.' At the end of the clip she is hit by a speeding semi truck, totally demolishing her car. The message following was something like "forgive today because there may be no chance tomarrow". Needless to say I was disturbed by this. My question is... Is it possible they thought this would be supportive to me? Or are they just giving me another one of their religious passive/aggressive 'stabs'? They have certainly done that befor. This wasn't my first video from them. I just can't believe they would go this far. I am troubled and don't know how to approach them. Do I ignor it altogether? Ask them why they sent such a video? Or if they even watched it themselves? Any advise on what to do would be helpful Thanks Sweet Single

I was in a similar situation. First of all, at this point your hormones will make you think and feel all sorts of crazy things. Not a good time to make any kind of new major decision. Second. If you have a secure situation with the baby's father you might want to seriously stay put for now. I don't know what kind of resources you have (family, money), but things can change. Third. I wanted to leave my bf but was pretty sick with morning sickness so I thought "as soon as I have my son, we are out of here." Well there were complications, I had a c-section with complications to that, followed by more complications. I physicaly impaired for over a year. No way I could have taken care of my self not to mention my baby. You never know what might happen, good or bad. Please take your time to decide and make sure you have a back up plan. I wish you the very best of luck.

I have lived with my bf for several years now and we have children together. He tells me we are in a "committed" relationship the he is comfortable with. I told him I feel like a single mother. He tells me he wants to marry me yet won't really discuss it. I don't think he will ever marry me. Here is my question....I went to his office today and on his desk were two pictures of him and his mother. Not one picture of him and me. I thought this was weird and creepy, and further shows me that I am not someone he wants to marry. Shouldn't he have a pic of us or me on his desk? Am I being too sesitive or is this really weird?!!

Ahhh yes. The recent breakup. A very, very painful place to be (which is why I don't try to persue relationships at this time). The good new is that by our age we know the excruciating pain of the recent breakup fades. It may not ever completely go away but it will get better. Regarding fault. It the problems were your fault you would know. It probably wasn't anyones fault really. Also, in my experience after a breakup when a guy who was sweet and nice becomes cold and mean, he will continue to be cold and mean no matter what kind of relationship you two continue to have. If you are occational friends that get together for coffee, if you date again, if you hang out in a group. He now knows he can get away with being mean and cold and will continue to disrespect you. Stay away from him. There are men out there who won't send mixed messages, who will be good to you and appreciate all the good things I'm sure you have to offer. Don't chase the jerks. Sometimes it is better to be alone for awhile. Hope you feel better

What would I say to my younger self? Don't be afraid to take chances; and, Most of all, realize how good you look and how good you feel because these things don't last. I always compared myself to the media types of beauty and thought I was short and ugly. Only in my late 30s do I realize what a pretty pettit redhead I was and the effect I had on men. My youthful beauty is long gone but replaced with a bit of wisdom, peace and higher appreciation of self. With wrinkles and grey hair creeping in, I now accept myself as an attractive woman (at least to me). Imagine if I possesed this selfesteem and sense of worth as a young girl?

I understand your situation and unfortunaltely have no easy answers. You must take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. At 24 you are still a baby yourself. Don't waste your youth. Do whatever it takes to make things better for yourself. Sending warm hugs to you.