How should I play this?- updated

[xtine]

A quick background on me:

 

Dated a guy I met on another forum for about seven weeks, after IM'ing/phone calls for about three months. Very intense relationship. We got along great together- no fights, no disagreements (no time for them, really). He is separated, and is awaiting the final divorce. I knew his situation and didn't expect anything to come of it when we first started seeing each other- but he really turned up the intensity, and I let him. Talked every night, emailed during the day, the works. He said all of the right things, as the song goes. Told me he wished he'd met me years ago, that being with me felt so right, that he thought about me constantly, that every time he saw me was more amazing than the time before, blah, blah, blah..........

 

Very short, but extremely intense. Had much more of an impact on me that I expected it to.

 

The first time I stayed at his place he told me he was falling for me, and that he was willing to risk the consequences of being with me prior to divorce because it was "worth it" (which I found a little scary, actually). We stayed in bed all night and had a great time. The next day, he was very distant, and the day after that he told me that things were moving too fast and that he needed a "break", but he couldn't say for how long. Said that it was too much with his marriage just ending, etc. Wanted to be friends- I said "No, you can't tell me you're falling for me and 48 hours later want me to just be your friend. Call me when you figure out what you want." NC since then, about five weeks.

 

So- here's the question.

Next week we are both attending a concert. He is sitting right behind me (pure coincidence, tix purchased before we even met). I know he will be there b/c of a post he put on a forum we both belong to. I am not willing to miss it either.

 

Do I say hello? Ignore him? Smile at him? I'm pretty angry about the way he dropped me, and as the date approachs I get more angry that he hasn't called me. I'm afraid I'm going to act like a crazy girl because I'm still pretty hurt and upset by the whole thing.

 

We were supposed to go to the same show the following night, together. When he asked for the break he told me he still wanted me to go, but in my anger I told him I couldn't make that decision, and we would see what happened. Also upset that he hasn't called to say he still wants me to go. I guess I am bothered by the idea that he had all of the power and I had none. And still don't.

 

Lots of anger!! I need to go hit the heavy bag, I think!

 

Sorry for the long post, interested to hear what you guys think. I need a plan or I will do something I will regret!

[rnorth]

First off, you do have all the power and you exercised it by insisting on NC. Good for you. Go hit that punching bag. Call it a reward. Listen to some "Helen Reddy" while your doing it.

 

Now, until this guy is divorced and willing to give you at least a consistent appropriate indication that he is willing to stick around, continue to be strong for yourself. You know how you will handle the concert thing. I can only say if it were me, I may try to get tickets elsewhere. Maybe trade with someone. But don't let him get to you.

[Mun]

Go to the concert! You already had the tickets before this happened. I think you should go ahead as planned.

 

You do have power and you are going to show it when you behave like the dignified, classy lady that you are . You don't need to acknowledge him at the concert, but if you happen to make eye contact you can simply smile and look away. ( look your best too... that always get's 'em )

 

Keep up with no contact. Personally I think he freaked when he realized that he was getting out of one relationship and jumping into another-- a very normal response( I dated that guy too Once he get's his life settled don't be surprised if he rings you again. Until then keep yourself busy and know that this was NOTHING you did--he simply has to heal before he can move on.

 

Sometimes a man runs like this because you are the real deal... not because you aren't --so keep that in mind. Let him have his space...he really needs it.

 

Love

[rnorth]

Sometimes a man runs like this because you are the real deal... not because you aren't --so keep that in mind. Let him have his space...he really needs it.

Love

 

Not to nitpick, but sometimes a woman runs like this also when the man is the real deal and the woman is used to poor treatment. Not always, but sometimes.

 

I agree with what you have to say. He may call as soon as his life his settled. Whether you want to continue to contact him is up to you and your personal boundaries.

 

In the meantime, have fun at the concert!

[Mun]

I agree with you rnorth, I didn't mean to imply that this reaction was exclusive of men.

 

Now you got me wondering...do I always sound sexist?..

[GreatGuy]

Not at all!! Sexy yes

[Mun]

Awe thank you.

 

I was starting to worry there for a minute.

[xtine]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone- that's just what I needed. Sometimes I get too much into my own head (for lack of a better expression) and I feel bad for venting to my friends about this as much as I have already. Thanks for giving me the outside view. I will be strong!

 

The irony is that I was just as scared as he was, and probably for the same reason- as much as I want to settle down and get married, it scared me to think I might have found "the one." Now that this has happened I'm not so sure he is the one- maybe he did me a favor by being such a creep!

 

 

Thanks all- good vibes back out to all of you. I'll post next week and let you know what happens!

[dreamweaverdude]

Well go enjoy the concert. Don't eventhink about not going. You'd be letting him manipulate you way too much.

 

Enjoy yourself....

[xtine]

Well go enjoy the concert. Don't eventhink about not going. You'd be letting him manipulate you way too much.

 

Enjoy yourself....

 

Oh I wouldn't miss it for the world- there's no question of that. I'm more concerned with how I will react when I see him. I have decided to ignore him, unless for some reason I happen to see him by accident, then I will just say "Hello" and move on. And hopefully my emotions won't get the best of me! I will remind myself that I don't want to be manipulated, that will help.

 

Thanks!

[xtine]

So last night I went out on a date. Figures, today he emails me. I have edited for content. I have no idea what this means or how to respond- but I suspect that he is just making a premptive strike since he knows he will see me this week. I have not responded- any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated.

 

 

I wanted to send you a quick hello. You probably are a little shocked.

I have to tell you that I feel like a complete [jerk] the way I left things.

I really didn't mean hurt you if I did. I haven't done much of anything

since we last talked aside from holiday shopping.

 

I hope things are well with you. I saw your pic on the forum.

It looks like you had a great time in NY. How was the show? You were

suppose to be in California for work a few weeks back right? How was that?

 

Well anyway I just thought I would try to catch up on things if you are not

too [mad] at me

 

[Mun]

Don't answer right away and when you do be cheerful and a little "busy" as in : hey got to run though..see you later.

 

Keep your chin up girl.