Would really appreciate your thoughts on this

[bamboo]

Just to keep it brief, my ex broke up with me 9 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and were each other's first loves and went through a lot together. We agreed to be friends but of course knew that that was not going to happen for a very long time thereforeeee contact has been minimal and we have only met up a few times. Although it was him who broke up with me, I know he found it hard too but it was the right thing to do, and he said he thought being single for a while would do us both good.

 

A few weeks ago I was visiting friends of mine in his city so I sent him a text message saying that I was around for a long weekend and that if he wanted to catch up then to let me know. I thought it would be nice to meet up as we hadn't seen each other in a while and as we agreed to be friends, then why not? I didn't receive a reply until two days later when it was already sunday night anyway in other words the end of the weekend saying he was sorry but he had a "longstanding arrangement this weekend that I can't get out of". I think anyone with half a brain would know that that was just an excuse and a very poor one at that. Part of me was quite annoyed that he was rude enough to wait til the end of the weekend before bothering to tell me he didn't want to meet up. Anyway I replied just telling him not to worry about it.

 

Since then I have spoken to him via the internet and I am very sure he was avoiding the issue, not that I pushed it, but he didn't even ask if I had a nice weekend away.

 

What do yous think? Basically it can only be a few things...

 

1. He is still struggling and needs more time to move on (not very likely).

2. He is seeing someone else.

3. He was telling the truth and did have a jampacked weekend.

4. He just couldn't be bothered meeting or didn't want to.

 

I just find it very hard to believe that he couldn't spare even just one hour to meet up. Ok, be brutal! Be honest! My friend told me to trust my first instinct which was that he actually needs more time but I think I was just deluding myself and now I think it's far more likely that he has met someone else.

[justtwicethen]

Im sorry, although I wont be able to tell you which one of the options it is.

 

 

I can tell you that you are still in love with him..

and my gut feeling goes with that he is not over you...or else a state of indifferenc would imply him meeting you or atleast calling you to say tha he's busy.

 

 

Sigh...it's so hard to get over the first love. I mine I miss mine till today...and it's been so long since we even communicated. Its just all wrong...love shouldn't hurt this much.

[justtwicethen]

Im sorry, although I wont be able to tell you which one of the options it is.

 

 

I can tell you that you are still in love with him..

and my gut feeling goes with that he is not over you...or else a state of indifferenc would imply him meeting you or atleast calling you to say tha he's busy.

 

 

Sigh...it's so hard to get over the first love. I mine I miss mine till today...and it's been so long since we even communicated. Its just all wrong...love shouldn't hurt this much.

[ticklebug]

he's moved on....him saying "a long standing arrangement..." was pretty much a gentle way of saying he has a life now....but trying to spare your feelings.

 

You are an ex..yeah you said you would be friends but even you knew that was something that was up in the air...

 

He has to respect the feelings of the person he is more than likley dating now...and I don't know too many females who are comfortable with their man's ex popping in - muchless him dropping everything to meet up with her.

 

Or, for all you know he's on a bowling leauge...either way, you know he's not interested in being anything with you, friends or otherwise...so you can move on.

[Mentor]

Hi Bamboo,

 

My first reaction to your story was that he is not ready yet to be just friends. It is interesting that you almost dismiss this option. Protecting yourself? Even if he did leave you, he is still carrying around strong feelings for you. Whether he is seeing someone else or not is irrelevant as I see it. If he was over your relationship completely then he would be prepared to take this opportunity to see his "new old friend". A six year relationship is a huge part of anyone's life, you are right in saying that it will take a very long time for your relationship to evolve into a friendship. I think that he is rebounding and needs more time. It sounds to me like you are more prepared than he is for a friendship. I have to give you credit for this, it is rare that the person left is able to move on faster that the person leaving

 

I would not interpret his difficulty in moving ahead to mean that you have a chance at reconciliation. There is your splash of cold water. You are obviously doing something right. Keep moving forward. If it was meant to be it will happen, but you have to live your life in the meantime

[bamboo]

Thank you for your replies, and quite a mixed bag of them at that! I'm sorry that you are hurting Justtwicethen. Despite this hiccup that I am feeling at the moment, I can reassure you things will get better. Just give it plenty of time.

 

I'm not sure if I am still in love with him. I had been doing great until this incident and someone suggested to me maybe he is seeing someone and all of a sudden I was missing him like crazy again. The hurt is gone, and the yearning to have him back is gone, but for the past week I have missed him and what we had. But I know that this is a minor setback and will fade in time, or at least I hope so!

 

I know that the final hurdle for me will come the day I find out he is with someone else. Part of me wants that to happen soon so it can be over with and the other part is dreading it. Whether he is seeing someone now or not doesn't matter. I will find out when I find out. Maybe when I do find out, I will be ok with it and be happy for him.

 

I think the fact that the replies have been mixed just shows that the reason why he didn't want to see me is not relevant. What is relevant is that he doesn't want me back. So I am just going to carry on looking after myself and as you say Mentor (and thank you for your vote of confidence), moving forward

[hugoy]

6 years is a long time. Even though you split 9 months ago you probably still know this person better than anyone.

 

If you can try and avoid emotion and use imotion then you'll probably come up with the right answer!!!

 

Then again you can always just ask him direct?!

[bamboo]

I could ask him, but that would make it a much bigger deal than it is and he'd think I'm still harbouring strong feelings for him. Yes I still have some feelings, that's expected, but I am moving on.

 

It's just that I thought we could be friends however it is clear he was not being honest with me, and he knows a pet hate of mine is being lied to But anyway, he obviously didn't want to tell me so I'm not going to push him. He's his own person after all, and so am I

 

P.s. What's 'imotion'? I assume it's something along the lines of being objective?

[Mentor]

It's just that I thought we could be friends however it is clear he was not being honest with me, and he knows a pet hate of mine is being lied to But anyway, he obviously didn't want to tell me so I'm not going to push him. He's his own person after all, and so am I

 

Hi bamboo,

 

This might be a little harsh. I would not conclude that he never wants to be friends, I think that he might just need more time. Sometimes it takes years to get over someone, especially after a 6-year relationship. I would continue what you are doing, but don't burn this bridge yet. You might come to regret it later.

 

P.s. What's 'imotion'? I assume it's something along the lines of being objective?

 

LOL, good question I took it to mean that you need to think about what it best for your feelings right now. I have never encountered this word before. I suspect that it is made up

 

Take care!

[bamboo]

Thanks Mentor. Oh no, I definitely haven't come to the conclusion that we will never be friends. But yes, maybe I have expected too much contact too soon. He will always be very special to me and it would be a shame if we couldn't keep in touch.

 

I suspected 'imotion' was a made up word... but I thought maybe it was common knowledge what it meant and only little old me didn't realise lol