Wrong Wrong Wrong

[landclark]

You can't be friends after a break up. That's wrong, and bad advice. If you are the one who was left, it's devastating. It screws with your head, your heart, your self esteem. My last break up was so painful, it literally almost killed me. I wanted to die almost every day for 6 months just to make the pain go away. I felt I did something wrong, that I was somehow less of a person. It hurt, so very much. It kept me from working, from living. It was horrible. I tried so hard to make amends for whatever it was I felt that I had done wrong. I wanted to keep him in my life. Wanted him to realize what he was missing. It was the only thing that kept me going.

 

The truth is though, I am better off. I spent so much time trying to figure out how to keep him in my life, that I just kept hurting myself more. I spent so much time trying to forget him, trying to get past him, not realizing that I just needed to accept the reality of the situation.

 

The reality was, there were good times, there were bad times. I was still the same person. I was still as incredible, even if he chose not to see it. The truth is, I didn't need to get over it, or forget him, because that meant letting go of the good memories as well. Truth is, I have some great memories. I just needed to accept that we couldn't have a relationship, of any type, through no fault of my own. I just needed to accept that, so I could move on with my life, and I finally have, and I finally feel good. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I miss him, sure, but I am happy and secure and confident that life does go on. He is not the last person I will love, or who will love me. He was a bump, a learning experience. He was fun while it lasted, and he left me with some good memories, but he is not my future, he is my past.

 

For all those feeling the heart break, for all those trying to hang on, I tell you, let go. Don't let go of that person, because it's not necessary, but let go of that feeling that you somehow need to keep them in your life. You can have good memories without having that person around all the time, or ever.

 

I almost killed myself over this person, more then once, literally. I know how much it hurts, and I know how good it feels to move on with your life, to wake up in the morning and look forward to whatever that day may bring.....

 

You are too precious. Life is too precious to dwell on the people who don't realize what you have to offer......

 

Don't waste your time trying to figure out how to keep them in your life. Spend your time living your life, doing what's good for you, whatever that may be. Trust me, it's easier then it looks.

 

This coming from a girl who 3 months ago took 15 sleeping pills, and probably would have kept going if it wasn't for the ex-husband that she dissed, who still loves her to this day because instead of forgetting me, chose to accept that we couldn't be together, and chose to remember every good thing instead of the bad........ He taught me a lot about life, love, acceptance. Learn from it, don't let it be the end of you.

 

Grieve, feel the pain, then accept it, and move on........

 

Love.....

 

Me

[gersanos]

So you try to get over some guy that you dated and you were devastated in the end for X amount of months, and then realize that he's not worth it and move on with your life like you are indifferent to him, but had to emotionally rely on an ex-husband that you "dissed" and wonder why can't more people just be like him and accept friendship?

 

Your post seems pretty contradictory and has a theme of selfishness running through it.

 

Many cannot be just friends with their ex-lovers. It is not as simple as just accepting that 2 people cannot be together, but can remember the good times and just be friends. Sure, if your the dumper that's what you think, but the other person does not think that way at all. I've been on both sides of the fence and think that friendship is a waste of time with an ex unless it was a mutual break-up. I don't string ex's along for emotional support or a "friend" because I know it's cruel, and at the same time I reject friendship if offered by an ex because that's all its for. I prefer to make new and better memories in my life by moving on, and keeping the past where it belongs.

 

Only once did I question friendship when it was offered to me: an ex got very defensive and angry when I rejected it, and could not understand why. When I saw her afterwards, she did not look good. I thought that maybe in fact she did not want to really break up, but then let it go and figured I was supposed to be her emotional/security blanket. She never contacted me afterwards either.

 

Relationships move forward, not back-wards. Nobody wants to be 2nd best.

[FiveHorizons]

Nobody likes to be downgraded.

[landclark]

I don't appreciate your response at all. It took a very long time for me and my ex-husband to become friends, a long time. We weren't friends for a very long time. Selfish? Indifferent? I still love my ex very much, but don't need him in my life to feel whole. There is nothing selfish about that.

 

Please get your facts before you pretend to understand what people are all about.

[gersanos]

I did not mean to come accross as being mean. That is just what I garnished from the initial post.

 

Honestly, friends is just a waste of time. What;s the point in trying so hard just to remain friends? This stuff should just come naturally. If both parties aren't willing, then let it go.

 

Sorry if I came accross the wrong way in my first post, but you mentioned a guy that left you and it took you a while to get over him, but the ex-husband that you dissed was there for you. I don't know all the details about it, but from the post it doesn't seem right. You "diss" someone and are glad that they got over it and accepted that you 2 can't be together but can be friends.

 

I'm just putting in my opinion, on an opinion board. Someone disses me & I'm gone, I don't care about friendship or getting back together. Forget the ex, you'll make plenty of friends in life.

[fantasia2004]

friends with an ex is not easy but possible . But nobody is perfect letr it happen and if not move on to the sun and the grand canyon........