Fresh relationship and partner's mother is dying. Need some advice.

[Future]

We've been dating for 5 months. I officially asked her to be in a relationship with me about 3 weeks ago. I'm very much in love with her.

 

Today she heard her mom is in critical state, there is something wrong with her liver. She is going to need a donor fast, if not she will die. Sadly, the future isn't bright. There is a lack of liver donors and she is on the waiting list. She already lost her dad two years ago.

 

Me am still young (23) and still very new in relationships. I am there for her and she knows that, but I'm not sure if I should get in her space or give her her space. And how much. She doesn't live close to me, it's a two hour drive and she sleeps at her mom's now everyday, so I don't see her a lot (once every week, sometimes per two weeks).

 

I wonder, anyone else ever had a partner that has to cope with something like this? How did you get through it? How do you help out a person who is about to lose her mom?

[mhowe]

My bf and I took a break...it was too emotionally draining.

However...to each their own. Let her set the pace...but don't be surprised if she is distant, irritable and emotional.

[SooSad33]

Just gently remind her now n then that you're still there for her. Some break down, some hold it in for another time.

You can look up 'loss & grieving' (stages..how to cope etc). So YOU can try and understand what she's going thru and understand the process, yourself.

 

Yes, just respect her with her present issue and if she needs some space.. give her that much. It may get hard for you both, for a while (her distance, etc). But if you can take it & hold on... she'll most likely come around again and 'want/need' to see you.

 

tc

[FitnessMan]

The answer you want is to look after her, always be there for her, shoulder to cry on and such.

 

But the truth is, she will deal with it however she feels best, it would be best to just continue on with her life but there of course is going to be the grievance phase.

 

I'm not new to this, I've lost a girlfriend to a car crash with 3 of her friends, which I have a huge amount of guilt about. I've also lost the most important person in my life. Now, I never had help, never asked for help BUT by god you really do need help. Just be there for her, but also be aware that she might just want to get on with her life straight away, it's not like her mums death is going to happen suddenly; there's time to prepare, in a awful sort of way.

 

She's lucky she's got you and a relationship in order to help her cope. Trust me, she would be thankful.

[Future]

Thanks everyone for the answer. I am going to remind her how much I care and want to be there for her. I did so, and I also honestly told her I'm a little scared she might push me away. She reacted very positively, it is going fine now. She seems very thankful. I'm just wondering how she is going to cope when she actually loses her mom. We will see where it goes!