HaloDestroyer Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Another night of pure hell... Parents on at me about this and that, college and responsibility... I can't take it.... I need to find some way of release... So... I took a razor, and I slit my wrists... There was so much blood... I had trouble breathing for a while, and then it was fine.... I used to cut, but this is the first time in a year I've touched a bare blade... Why am I doing this to myself? Why does it feel right? XxX xXx Link to comment
whathappensnext Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 i think its b/c you don't know what else to do. Maybe your not able to express your feelings or thoughts to your parents. And you feel like you have no choice.It feels right b/c it releases alot of stuff for the time being. Link to comment
soon2bfamous Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 stop and thing about what you did....how can that feel right to you. Alothough stress plays a major role in teens lifes, it should never reach the point where you hurt yourself because of it. some things you should do to better yourself... seek help off, self mutilating is a very serious issue, and altough it may seem like that is the one thing that is keeping you from suicide, the truth is that more ppl who commit suicide previously were self mutalaters. seeing someone about this can work miricles, it may seem awkward at first, but they are there to help you. find a differnt way need to find a different way to relive yourself of that stress. some things that work for me is running, or lisening to music, stress ball, yoga, and singing, surpriseingly singing is a great way to relive stress. if the only way you feel relaxed is by picking up a razor...theres somthing very seriously wrong. Tell your family: I know this is the definition of awkward, but they are your family,and they deserve to know. think about it, you did menchine the stress of collage and your parents pressureing you...well if they knew that the stress has led to your cutting...then they will probly lay off a little. YOU NEED TO SEEK HELP!!!! its not an option. it has to be done if you want to inproove your situation hope this helps!!! -elle- Link to comment
RockG Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Many people have worries, stress, etc! It gets pretty intense sometimes too. I have even come to the point you're at, but cutting isn't the answer!!! You life may be swamped but, you have one KEEP IT! My Psychologist has helped me through very hard times, maybe you should find a good person to help you too! And it feels right b/c you want it too, it isn't good for you. Instead of cutting put rubber bands around your hand arm, etc whatever you cut when you get the erge, snap the band. If that doesn't work. Let some of the stress off by quitting something or pushing things off a bit. Just take a week and forget about you troubles, go some where you like and just have fun, takes friends, along, just drop eveything, and relax, and please find someone to talk too. You don't have to cut to let go!!!!! Link to comment
shorty4ever15 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Your doing this as a way to release some of your anger. It feels right because once its over with...you feel a sense of relief. Even though nothing was really solved, you essentially just let it all out on yourself. I once got so angry and sad at the same time, that I picked up a nail and just dug it accrossed my wrist. It hurt like hell, and bled like hell too. When I finished, I felt better. Even to this day I do not know why I did it, but I still don't regret doing it. I've never cut in my life, and yet, it still didn't feel wrong. Some people say that cutting is just as bad as being suicidal. Theoretically, that may be the case; however, I personally disagree with that. If you are "over the edge" and all you do is cut yourself--then that means your still alive. Now, I am by no means saying that cutting is OK. You have some serious problems that you need to work out. Cutting is only a way to relieve the stress your carrying on your shoulders. You need to get rid of what is causing the stress in all. I know that this is repeated a lot, but you should really find someone to talk to--preferrably a professional therapist. I know from my own life that it may not be an option. If that is the case, then you need to find someone to talk to. Talking and being able to get out what you really think is also a good way to relieve stress, and also, by talking with someone, you may even root out the problem of everything. I hope the best for you. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. ~Shorty Link to comment
HaloDestroyer Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Firstly, thanks for all of your replies... I play the guitar.... and I airsoft... so I'm not short of other ways to express myself.... I write poetry, and prose... But... I don't know... some sort of fog clouds my judgement, removing that single inhibition, and I pick up the razor.... And... It goes on from there.... Elle, it doesn't relax me.... The pain takes me focus from the confusion in my head.. The confliction... the stress. I guess I'm too busy bleeding to feel my heart snapping in half, again, and again... Ben. XxX xXx Link to comment
anon123 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 i'll pray for you buddy, hang in there... dont worry about stress - just take things as they come. think five minutes ahead. oh and don't worry about ur parents breaking ur balls, that's what they're there for Link to comment
shorty4ever15 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Your doing this as a way to release some of your anger. It feels right because once its over with...you feel a sense of relief. Even though nothing was really solved, you essentially just let it all out on yourself. I once got so angry and sad at the same time, that I picked up a nail and just dug it accrossed my wrist. It hurt like hell, and bled like hell too. When I finished, I felt better. Even to this day I do not know why I did it, but I still don't regret doing it. I've never cut in my life, and yet, it still didn't feel wrong. Some people say that cutting is just as bad as being suicidal. Theoretically, that may be the case; however, I personally disagree with that. If you are "over the edge" and all you do is cut yourself--then that means your still alive. Now, I am by no means saying that cutting is OK. You have some serious problems that you need to work out. Cutting is only a way to relieve the stress your carrying on your shoulders. You need to get rid of what is causing the stress in all. I know that this is repeated a lot, but you should really find someone to talk to--preferrably a professional therapist. I know from my own life that it may not be an option. If that is the case, then you need to find someone to talk to. Talking and being able to get out what you really think is also a good way to relieve stress, and also, by talking with someone, you may even root out the problem of everything. I hope the best for you. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. ~Shorty Link to comment
HaloDestroyer Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Thank you, everyone.... I wish I could stop doing it... How is it that I can be... addicted... to cutting? Not just cutting, I mean, I didn't just cut... I slashed open my wrists... Where does self-harming stop, and suicidal begin? Ben. XxX xXx Link to comment
whathappensnext Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 yeah i agree i don't think just cuz you cut your suicidal and i am also not saying its ok. Link to comment
shorty4ever15 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Where does self-harming stop, and suicidal begin? Unfortunately, there is no one answer to that question. You should try to find some help so that you don't ever reach that point. Have you tried talking to anyone about your position? I mean like a close friend or anything? Link to comment
whathappensnext Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 yeah it helps or you can try to write it all down. Link to comment
HaloDestroyer Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 I wear long-sleeved shirts to hide the cuts... I don't like talking about it... In the back of my mind, there's a small nagging voice, telling me I'm just doing it all for attention, and I'm living a lie, and all sorts of weird crap... I also can't sleep easily... It's 1:56 AM here... I think this is all going to end badly... I fear.... the worst... I don't know, I don't care anymore anyway... XxX xXx P.S. Thanks for your help everyone!! Link to comment
shorty4ever15 Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 I don't like talking about it Not to make a point or anything but your talking about it. Take this as a first step. I know it is hard to tell someone what you really think, but you need to overcome that hurdle if you want to ever have a chance at being happy. I know that it may not come, but if you give up, then IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!! If you keep going and try to deal with your problems, there is a chance that everything will work out for you. There is a chance of you regaining happiness. So whether you take any of this advice seriously or not, please try to build up your courage and be truthful, if not to anybody else...then at least to yourself. You can't pull out of depression if you can't be honest with yourself. Link to comment
thisisnotanexit Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 hi, well i'm not expert, but i just know if you want to stop and you give it your all, it is possible. it was possible for me. you have to understand that cutting is doing you no good. it feels like it, i know, but it's not. you can really hurt yourself. if you cut too deep, like around you wrists, near a vein, you can kill yourself or lose the ability to function that part of your body. you have to realize you have the power within you to deal with things in less harmful ways. i know you can and i believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself. life is sometimes a series of struggles, but it makies us stronger in the end, ready to take on life full force in the future. you've got it in you i know it. you can do it. and i promise i'll support you no matter what, anyway i can. check this site out, please, it really helped me. msg me anytime. you have to realize you are not doomed in life. you have to realize there is still hope left and you deserve life just as much as anyone else..you're gonna get through this! if you ever feel like you've hurt yourself, DO NOT hesitate to call 911 or call 1-800-SUICIDE. we're all here for you and are so glad you made it through that epsiode. if you ever feel an uncontrollable need to cut, please stay away from your wrists and don't cut deep! you're gonna be ok i promise, and you CAN stop this. link removed link removed Link to comment
ticklebug Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 cutting/slashing/harming yourself - however you want to word it - *IS* an addiction. It's an avoidance technique not unlike those who drink (alcoholism) to get away from reality...binge and purge (anorexia & bulimia) to try to avoid a negative body image....those who participate in extreme sports that are life threatening....to push an envelope and edge... when you get to the point you are at, there really isn't a way to make yourself stop...granted there are some with enough willpower, but the percentage is few... Any feeling a person has, is triggered from body chimicals, be it hormonse pheremones, etc...one of the commonalities with any and all negative addictions is that it is partly due to a chemical imbalance in your brain...they all start with mild depression...and the longer it takes to confront your issues, and the more you supress your hurt or frustration...the harder it is for your brain to respond normally...and therein starts the chemical imbalance...as your brain tries to compensate and supress the "bad" chemicals with the "good"... cutting doesn't always lead to sucide....a cutter rarely wants to die...they just want to be able to control what hurts them...and since most hurtful things in life are uncontrollable...cutting is a form of replacement control. Halo, you and I have talked in PM"s and one of my concerns for you is that you may want to come to the US to try to run from the hurt you are experiencing there...hurt follows you. Make sure you are choosing to come here for the right reasons. Also, I have to question of your LDR GF knows you cut....if she doesn't...then it is something you have to be up front with her about before even taking it one step further...again, be sure of your reasons for wanting to make such a drastic change and be aware that that huge of a change comes with it's own big huge box of stresses. I know it is uncomfortable for you to talk about, but the fact of the matter is, if you truly want to end the addiction, the only way you can is by talking to someone about it...and learning other coping mechanisms when you are under pressure/stress. There are people out there with great compassion for your pain, and truly want to help you get through it...and it will make you a better, stronger person in the long run. No matter what country you live in, there is always a toll free phone number somewhere in a phone book for teen crisis help...the people on the other end are very understanding and can point you in the dorection of people who can help you work through your issues, and teach you other ways of dealing with your stress....and you can do it very confidentially. I urge you to take that step....so that the future plans that you have and seem so excitied about...can come true... Link to comment
HaloDestroyer Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 ..... Damn.... Thanks everyone..... It's great that so many people have helpful advice.... But.... I did it again..... FFS, I don't even know why I'm doing it anymore!! This is just getting worse and worse... I passed out from bloodloss... I can see something real bad happening next time... Am I just too stupid to listen, or too far gone to care? XxX xXx Link to comment
whathappensnext Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I think you do care. Cuz if you didn't i don't think you would be here. So i have a feeling you just want someone to help and i believe there is aleast one person here that can help you. At least a little. Link to comment
RockG Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Yes.. go to someone... they help... believe me! Cutting isn't the way to go. And you do care, and you should talk to a pro! PLEASE!! Link to comment
Desired1 Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 you do this to yourself because instead of inflicting pain on others you do it to yourself. It is also another coping method. Just like punching a hole in a wall but more self-destructive Link to comment
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