Why cant I let go?

[cantgetoverit]

Hi there,

My girlfriemd broke up with me 6 months ago . We had a short but perfect relationship, but when we were together she would say things like " if we are still friends then" when we would talk about doing things in th future. Anyways, 3 weeks after breaking up with me she asked me back only to break up with me 3 weeks later.The dat after she breaks up with me she calls to say sorry, and the day after asked me if I wanted to see a movie as "friends". I told her I wasnt interested in just friends, so I never went.

 

Two weeks Of NC and I called her, and she very happy to hear from me .We had a great conversation ,and made plans for a movie the next week. When we went to the movie we were'' friends" but she was putting her head on my shoulder and rubbing my leg.I said nothing and did nothing, except enjoy it. On the phone she told me how I wasnt like other guys , and told me all the things she liked about me. We hung out a few times after and she would sit in my lap and hold my hand. Well , i thought she was inetested in getting back so i asked her, and she said no.Her reason for touching me was; that she was " comfortable" with me, but was not intersted in me.

 

Two months of NC later and we are again hanging out again, ( I made contact)she was very excited to see me and talked about doing stuff together again. We were talking on the phone for hours again.We have a great time when we are together and so much in common. But, again she was touching me. This was about two months ago. Nothing has happened since we have talked on the phoine a few times , but she has just kind of drifted away again ,she has stopped calling, and I cant figure it out.Last time we talked evrything was good and fun .

 

I feel she might be afraid of commitment ,and she continually hurts me by coming and going, but I can't walk away. I have never met someone with whom I have had so much in common with and so much fun with. I show her nothing but love, but I am just torturing my self in the process.

 

I should just walk away and forget about her, but I can't! Why cant I just walk away, and stop making a fool of myself by continuing to chase her?

[mystic1]

I'm sorry you're going through this see-saw with this girl. To me it sounds like you have been too accomodating. Often, making yourself unavailable will spark the attraction again. You've heard the expression: we always want what we can't have?

 

It also sounds like she is really playing with your emotions (rubbing your leg at the movies...saying how comfortable she it with you). Next time...(if there is one) she shows signs of interest in you-physically....politely decline, and stand firm. Make her WORK to get YOU back. Don't ask her to take you back.

 

Good Luck-

[DBL]

I go with mystics idea. Don't let her push you around and play with you emotions. Next time you all go out don't let her touch like that. Let her know that she will no longer control you. That really is not being "friends" with you. Anyway don't let her treat you like a fool. Have some dignity.

 

Good Luck

[ashik]

jus think bout this:

Sounds lik u have a lot to offer and u r a good guy. Do u want to give it all to her or wud u rather let go of her and give it to someone who will realli cherishes u? Someone who can commit and realize ur worth!!!

 

Ask her st8 up, if she wants to be ur gurl fyne, all good. And if she doesent behave with her as u wud with a friend, treat her lik u wud treat a friend.

Y wud she commit is she has a friend/bf, who she can be a friend with when she wants and cuddle when she wants without the commitment!!!!

[heyguys]

My ex is doing the same to me. I tried to boycott affection towards him, since he says he wants to be "friends". ALthogh I would love to kiss him, he /she really has to make up their mind, we cant be their friends with benefits, right? WEll I tried to avoid the affection, adn he took it offensively. He thinks I thought he was just using me, and got really hurt. This really confused me. But you should try to not give her an ultimatuim, but say hey we are either friends or we are together, or not friends,not touchy friends. Sorry if this doesnt make sense.

[Armyguy3682003]

Hey:

 

I wanted to let you know that I am going through the same thing right now that you are going through. It sucks and hurts so bad. I guess you cant just walk away like she did, because you are so much in love with her and it hurts that she might not feel the same way you do about her. Its so hard to do things without thinking about her. I know the feeling. I had a relationship with a girl from Peru for 3 months and she said she wanted to end it. The reason she gave was she didnt want to hurt me or feel hurt when she has to go back in March. Well, I dont believe that, cause I know she is seeing someone else, a spanish guy. So, it hurts me to wonder what I did wrong. I treated her like a queen, gave her my heart. I think about her every minute and its so hard to just move on like everybody says to do. Right now I go to a counseler to get through this, because I feel so hurt. I know you are going throught the same thing and its hard to just walk away. The no contact rule is so hard to do. I feel if I do that, she might just never come back to me. I guess the best thing for you do right now is to let her know your feelings. If you cant be friends, then I would say that you should try to move on, even though it is so hard to do.

[DBL]

I usually never stayed around long enough after a break up to deal with this. I just moved on. I suggest you all do the same.

 

For HeyGuys, you hurt his feelings? Don't worry about his feelings, worry about yours. Don't let him play no guilt games with you. Stand up for yourselves.

 

DBL

[cantgetoverit]

When she satrts to get close again then I get close to her again. But, it seems as I get close to her she starts to back off again. in the past she would of rather run away than talk about any problems we might of had.

[heyguys]

Well it seems a bit selfish of her to run off when you get close to her. The only reason you are getting close to her is in reaction and response to her getting close to you. When you get close she backs off?! That just goes to show that she only comes to you and is affectionate to you when she's ready. Thats ok, when she's reay, but what about when YOUR ready. You are there for her, but she is not reciprocating being there for you when you need it. THAT is not fair nor right. You can choose to wait for her when shes reday and not ready, but you are going to feel very sad,lonely and hurt when she needs space again, and she will.

[atlas]

Seems like you want to have something so much that you are overlooking the fact that she is, essentially, getting her cake and eating it too. You need to shut her down solidly. If she wants to be friends then friends is what she gets, on your terms. Having had a relationship does not mean that she can take advantage of that type of affection...she can get that if she is willing to invest in the rest of it. I also agree that by allowing her to come in and out and do what she wants you are not setting up any challenge or desire in her to come further. Go out with her if you want but take control and set the boundries...you will feel better in the long run and she might find it attractive that you are holding your own.

Good luck

[Charlie1]

I am going through exactly the same at the moment. I was dating my ex-boyfriend for 6 months...he chased me the whole time and all of a sudden he doesn't want to be inlove anymore and wants to be on his own. I'm heartbroken...this happened 3 weeks ago. Now he rings me up to go to the cinema I go and he ends up staying at mine telling me how much he misses me and loves me then i don't hear anything for days....but I can't let go. So I do know what your going through....it's a terrible time but we have to be strong!

 

Good luck honey.x

[lovely_girl]

I soooo know how you are all feeling as well. My ex still tells me how much he thinks about me all the time, more and more etc etc. Then I am left with some sort of hope - then I don't hear from him. I decide that it's over and that's that, make no contact with him, and then BOOM I hear from him again... It is hard.

 

It doesn't make letting go very easy now does it?! Plus it plays with your emotions, and that's not very fair. How can people do that? Is it because they are too confused themselves? Maybe they need to sort themselves out without interfering with us, until they are totally sure what they want and who they want to be with...?