changeablewx Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 Hello, I'm new here and hae a serious situation at hand - will try to keep this in a relatively small nutshell. The backstory is: My boyfriend and I met just ten days after my now-ex-husband announced he was leaving, two years ago. He was in town on vacation, lives 900 miles away. Neither of us was "looking", and we hit it off immediately, spoke for hours. We got to know each other quite well over the following few months, via marathon phone calls and emails. Our first official "date" was a week long visit, and I had never been happier in my life. Our relationship became very intense, and he was planning a move to NY (for me, yes, but it was something he had considered previously). We made lots of promises and proclamations pretty early on. The caveats: we have a 17 year age difference; his "attempts" to move here have been thwarted repeatedly, mostly for logistical reasons, but two years later, he still ain't here; there are some issues involving physical intimacy, which I won't go into, but I will mention that there is no infidelity or immoral behavior involved. On the other, larger hand, I know he truly loves me, and has been nothing but supportive, affectionate, patient and understanding (truth be told, I'm a bit emotionally labile, and his unwavering acceptance has done wonders for me). I know he feels a lot of pressure to keep the relationship on track despite the distance, and we've been discussing marriage from very early on. Thing is, I believe he will pop the question over the holidays, and though I was previously all for it (with bits of doubt woven in) I am now experiencing serious cold feet, but I don't know if it's merely that or something more serious. I've got a little flirtation going, which I tend to do often and harmlessly but this time I am actually interested to some extent. I'm very focused on the negatives in our relationship, and am feeling absolutely torn. Perhaps I still just don't know myself well enough, am not mature enough, or maybe he's not the right one. Maybe I need to experience more before settling down again. I love him - he really is my best friend, and I really can't imagine my life without him. He's provided such love and security, which is so important for someone like me - that much I know. And he trusts me implicitly, as I do him. Thing is, I can't seem to figure out or decide what is truly and ultimately best for me, no matter how much soul-searching I do, which has my head spinning on a virtually constant basis now. Any words of wisdom as to how to go about finding the answer? (so much for the nutshell...) Quote Link to comment
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