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Emotional torment


dantheram

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I try an keep this brief but I really need some considered advice.

 

I'm in a relationship which is 2 years old and I'm feeling that maybe it's not quite right for me.

 

Now the torment comes, I was out on a Friday night and, before anyone judges I don't go out looking to be unfaithful. This woman started talking to me and usually I would say look I'm taken, but I was compelled to listen to her as she seemed just like my ideal woman. So, she asked for my number and I gave it to her.

 

Now I'm in this awful situation where everything is telling me I met her for a reason. I believe in fate to a certain degree and that is serving to amplify my feelings. The main feeling being that this is something I should seriously consider - I don't mean living a lie, I mean ending my relationship and taking a massive risk.

 

I have never been in this situation and it's rather unpleasant.

 

Any advice.

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You don't go out alone on a Fri. night, strike up a conversation with a stranger, forget to mention you are in a relationship and give/take a phone number without intent.

 

There was no "fate". There was a series of actions by you...that point to your need to break up with your current gf. However, don't be surprised if the chick you met in the bar is suddenly not available.

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You don't go out alone on a Fri. night, strike up a conversation with a stranger, forget to mention you are in a relationship and give/take a phone number without intent.

 

There was no "fate". There was a series of actions by you...that point to your need to break up with your current gf. However, don't be surprised if the chick you met in the bar is suddenly not available.

 

I didn't go out alone, but I do agree with what you're saying.

 

I've dug a hole from which there probably is no best outcome

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You clearly were not with your gf.

Time to face the music and break up.

 

I was out with my workmates (who had just left) She approached me and I was just instantly transfixed, I had never ever had this had before hence my confusion.

 

The point about her not being around after I leave my current GF is probably the crux of the issue here.

 

I wish I wasn't in this situation

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You gave your number to a woman who "transfixed" you.

You are not committed to your gf or your relationship.

Integrity in this situation would call for a break up, and whether you wind up alone, with bar chick or someone else is really not the crux of the matter.

 

Because now the lying begins. The hiding of the phone...maybe a secret meet up.

 

Do the right thing.

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You could mention to your gf that this situation happened and go from there. Like you said, you didn't go looking for it. It's a difficult situation because you might never hear from her if she doesn't call you (you said she got your number, you didn't mention whether you have hers) and you might have been thrown into turmoil for nothing. You don't say whether up to the point of meeting her you were satisfied with your relationship or whether this encounter was what caused you to doubt whether your gf is the right one for you. If you never heard from her again would you settle back into being happy with your gf or would you continue to have doubts about her? I don't see any reason not to be open with your gf about what's happened and let her have her input. It will definitely help crystallize your thoughts! I do feel it's something that could happen to anyone, to have a chance encounter with a stranger and start to question whether that person would suit us better than our current partner. I don't know whether that means there's something lacking in the current relationship or if it's just 'fate' or a random happening. Anyway I don't think it's necessarily a reason to immediately break up. It needs more thought and working out.

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Fate definitely doesn't exist. Sometimes you don't end up with the person you're supposed to be with, sometimes you miss a crucial encounter, sometimes you things up irreperably and ruin a relationship that could have been the love of your life.

 

So far, so cynical. But what I'm getting at is, don't let superstition wreck your current relationship, or your long term chances of happiness. Sure, the fact that you are tempted by other women indicates that there are problems in your current relationship, but you might be able to fix these problems with a little work if you think the relationship is worth it.

 

And we all fantasize about other women, and love having our egos inflated when we get attention. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that your current relationship is doomed.

 

I also want to throw in as devil's advocate and suggest that you don't tell your partner about the encounter at the bar unless you want to put the nail in the coffin of that relationship.

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There is a part in here which is exactly how I feel. It was by chance and you're quite right about its ability to happen to anyone.

 

The question that is tormenting me is in here to - would she suit me better. It's that niggling voice that keeps saying you could be chucking something away here. But it did not come from me not being satisfied, it has come from a gut feeling that this girl reflects so much of what hold dear.

 

99% of the time it's so easy to dismiss advances but when, without trying, what she said and her lifestyle matches so much of what I love, Im finding it ridiculously hard.

 

Maybe it is because so much of that is missing from my relationship but that doesn't mean I don't love my current gf or that I'm a bad person.

 

I'm a normal person who by chance was spoken to by someone I instantly felt matched my desires for life. I haven't felt this confused since my last break up

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