I care WAY too much about what other people think... WHY?

[emmalee]

I'm sure lots of you have had this problem, I would love to hear people's experiences and advice.

 

When something happens to me, my first thought is: did anyone hear/ see that? And wonder what they think. Like I'm shy eating in front of people in case something falls out of my mouth. I get paranoid about what I wear in case people judge me. And people think I'm so smart in school and get good grades, but nobody knows I got suspended from school. Which I'm completely ashamed of. Its worse around the guy I like, too. I've had to lie so many times because I dont want him to find out how stupid I am.

 

I also tend to be a loner, and I hate when other people see me by myself. I instantly get embarrassed. Sometimes I wont eat on campus in case someone sees me eating by myself.

 

I tend to dwell on my mistakes, let them torment me, and let them embarrass me. Sometimes I think up the worst case scenario and just think about it all day. Like, I emailed my prof a question, and he got really mad and defensive, and I think he might email the class the response (he's done before). All I can think about is, what if my group members find out it was because of an email I sent him?

 

So, if anybody has any advice as to how to not care and dwell on stuff like this, that would be great. Thanks!

[Strictly4MyGrind]

Well youve got to not care what people think about you try socializing with someone makes some friends it will bild your confidence alot its natural to be self conscious especially if your shy but dont dwell on what other people thing about and if they thinks it acceptable what there doing because thats jus there opnion and you have your own too.Everyone is a little like you you have to learn basically to not give a damn what someone things about you because its your life and you live it how you want to live it.

[catgirl82]

i agree. i also care way too much what other people think. a friend always tells me this

 

"who are you living your life for?"

 

the answer is YOU!! life is too short to worry what others think. its your life and at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with the choices youve made. so make the decisions that make you happy. and trust me, nobody notices the things that you worry about, they are all way too busy worrying themselves. trust me on this one, ive struggled with this issue since i was little

[SaSaRai]

yeah i agree, but i am not saying not to care for your friends. you should care but if they are going to take advantage of you forget about it. I had the same problem. just dont worry about it, be yourself and you'll be just fine and a lot happier.

[ksk0_0]

Yeah, just don't mind what people MIGHT think of you, the thing is - just don't give a damn about what other people think. Your eating right? so are other people, it's normal - so what if food accidently falls out, it's happened to everyone BEFORE. Just socialize with other people and gain confidence in yourself along with some self-respect and you'll be fine.

[tea]

i'm the same way. irl i'm always worried about how other people will think of me. i won't go out on my own because i don't want to be seen alone... etc.

 

i even picked my major because my parents like it...

 

what i had to realize is i'm really living for myself and at the end no one's opinion is going to matter other than my own. after realizing that (more like bf got tired of my people pleasing attitude so pounded that thought into me... he's trying to get me to learn what i like. ^^: i usually say, "oh, whatever you like is fine with me." since no one cared about my opinions.) Oh, well, after realizing that only my opinions matter, i seriously regret pleasing my parents and giving up on music. =S

[fantasia2004]

honey, when you care of others opinions you are their personal prisoner.

 

because of that way of thinking it caused me to ruin my relationship with my ex and others. Only to paralyze my progress.

[sweetpea4670]

If this is getting to be such an issue, that if effects your daily activites, you should maybe seek some help. My best friend was exactly the way you describe yourself. She eventually saw a doctor because it got to a point where she had trouble at school, work, home, etc. She apparently had social anxiety disorder, got medicaiton for it, and is now doing so much better. Your issues probably are nowhere as severe, but I just thought I'd throw that out there in case they are.

[ticklebug]

I've had to lie so many times because I dont want him to find out how stupid I am.

 

this comment you made stands out to me...you worry about what people think of you...but what do people think of liars?

 

No one on this earth is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has something trailing from their shoe or dangling from their nose at some point in their life...it's just LIFE.

 

There is always going to be someone smarter than you in certain areas, and there are going to be things you are smarter than others in.

 

Your self esteem is in the toilet, and you need to get it out...the best way to do that is to get into some counseling, a therapist can help you learn to accept yourself for who you are, and teach you new ways to think.

[dreamweaver]

I used to be that way to. I was afraid of people, of what they might think about me. I had trouble even buying something because I had to talk to the person at the store. Not mentioning the fear of speaking in front of a large crowd. The only solution is to face your fears and do all the things that yiu're afraid of. It's really hard at the beginning and you'll probably backup many times, but at the end you'll feel released. I now can do anything I want and not care.

[sweetharmony]

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[emmalee]

Oh wow. Thank you for posting (sweetharmony). It feels good to know that someone else is going through what im going through. It's hard, eh? I dont know why Im ashamed of some of the things about my life, and when I lie, its not so far from the truth, that it would make sense if I told the truth. But a lot of times its just cover up.

[hazlcha]

Hi,

 

Yeah, we are so often our own worst enemy. I know a GREAT singer/songwriter who never tried to get her CD sold and promoted, even though she had good people interested in helping, because she was afraid to. So it gathers dust. But she's in good company on that one. The great Russian composer Piotr Tchaikowsky was half the time convinced that he had no talent and his music was garbage. Nowadays, his music is played almost more than anyone else's, except maybe Beethoven.

 

The worst kind of fear is the "what if" fear. We start picturing in our minds untold disasters that can happen (professor shaming us, boyfriend seeing how 'stupid' we -unfairly to ourselves- think we are..). Those thoughts themselves are MORE PAINFUL than if those things actually happened. It's called "anticipatory anxiety," and it s*cks.

 

Sometimes the way to beat it is to do something called "paradoxical intention." As weird as this may sound, it's good to TRY to make all these worst case scenarios happen. I mean, to try to make people dislike you, think you are stupid, etcetera. Not to do anything really dangerous or self-destructive, like cursing out the professor or whatever, but the little things.

 

Why does it work? Well, for starters, it takes something that would paralyze you with fear and makes it something you don't fear anymore. No more anticipatory anxiety. Secondly, even if you succeed in making that wrong impression (which you most probably won't, because we all know you're a GREAT person!) you'll see that it's not the end of the world.

 

I've used this with stage fright issues very successfully. I try to make myself as nervous as possible, fearing every possible slip up. Then, when I get on stage, as I try to keep the nervousness up, I find it's much easier to just let it go and enjoy the show!

[sweetharmony]

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