When does the sickness go?

[Kitty]

He moved out in September but we were still dating, I had all kinds of emotions running through me then. We split yesterday, he came and told me. Although I was kind of expecting this as a worst case scenario it has floored me.

 

I can't eat or sleep, one sleepig tablet knocked me out for only an hour and a half last night, I can't stop retching and vomiting and can only drink water - which does come back.

 

I have to be an work in an hour (new job so can't take time off) and I feel wrung out.

 

I know I'll have to cope with the sadness and loss but when do the actual physical signs go?

[blindsided]

Hey kitty. I'm really sorry for your pain. I have to say the initial shock is really something. It took me days just to feel sort of ok. This is the beginning, however ena has a strong community of people who have been through exactly what you've been through. I'm 3.5 months out of my relationship and I feel way better now than I did the first week, month, etc.

 

Keep posting and remember that we are all here for you.

 

One love

[Kitty]

Thanks

Do you want your partner back after 2.5 months? X

 

Edit - sorry 3.5 months

[elsenyor]

Kitty, it will take a LOT of time and each person goes at their own pace.

 

I've been 6 months post breakup, i still think about her sometimes, do i still want her back? sure, but she has to want to come back, we'd also have to solve all the underlying issues, the things that were never spoken etc etc.

 

am i still holding out hope? no, am i moving on with my life? yes.

 

time helps with it all, i've reached a point where i'm fine with letting go and if she comes back great, if she doesn't that's ok too

 

check out link removed lot's of good info for immediate post BU

[blindsided]

Yes. Terribly. However after a few months that yes is littered with bits of doubt that it could actually work. Sort of like dropping food on the floor. Hard to look past the dirt and grime.

 

That's my experience, which I have yet to share. Thanks for sharing yours. If you are a believer I suggest prayer. Go to work. Take it a day at a time. We're here for you.

[Kitty]

Kitty, it will take a LOT of time and each person goes at their own pace.

 

I've been 6 months post breakup, i still think about her sometimes, do i still want her back? sure, but she has to want to come back, we'd also have to solve all the underlying issues, the things that were never spoken etc etc.

 

am i still holding out hope? no, am i moving on with my life? yes.

 

time helps with it all, i've reached a point where i'm fine with letting go and if she comes back great, if she doesn't that's ok too

 

check out link removed lot's of good info for immediate post BU

Thanks for the link, just had a quick look before work and looks exactly what I need. Funny thing is, he just called to see if he could drop off my stuff. Stupid me answered and asked him if this was final, of course he said 'positive'. My queasiness has eased a bit, maybe I was still wondering? He's really I'll though, sick and not eating, is that dumpers guilt??

[elsenyor]

Thanks for the link, just had a quick look before work and looks exactly what I need. Funny thing is, he just called to see if he could drop off my stuff. Stupid me answered and asked him if this was final, of course he said 'positive'. My queasiness has eased a bit, maybe I was still wondering? He's really I'll though, sick and not eating, is that dumpers guilt??

 

There's no reason for you to be his friend, his bootycall, acquaintance, anything whatsoever, neither now nor in the future. As many will say "now he is somebody that I used to know". So you need to go NC as soon as possible and take care of yourself, that way you stop looking for hope and receiving any breadcrumbs of any sort.

 

It could be dumper's guilt but ultimately it doesn't matter he has taken the decision and has had time to think about it whether you were aware of it or not, and his decision in a way says: "it's better to suffer a few months than to be with this person." (which he will likely suffer as many dumpers do because they did love you, they will also probably miss you, but that's not enough) as cruel as it may sound, and unless they come back saying they want to work on it... chances are slim, don't let your mind play tricks on you because it will look for millions of ways for you to look for hope or to reach out, you'll have to be strong it's not easy.

 

PS: that guide was written by someone who was on this forum not too long ago, so they went through the whole process themselves

[Kitty]

Thanks again

Still felt queasy at work but got through without vomiting on customers which has to be good!

Nearly cried at the end, the other girls fiancé came to pick her up after work as he doesn't want her walking home alone, and off I trotted through the scary woods by myself

 

Kicking myself at talking to him, and trying to make him feel better. Why am I such a flipping mug?!!

[sharky988]

Of course you need to BLOCK HIM on everything to start feeling better..... that means, block his email address (or change your email address).... blocking him (not just unfriending or deleting) on Facebook and ALL other social media.... and then either blocking his phone number or getting a new cell number.

 

I just got another new cell number last week, it took five minutes! No big deal. Put an end to those meaningless texts and phone calls.

 

DON'T kick yourself -- you're awesome! And you'll be even more awesome in another week or two when you stop vomiting.

 

Try melatonin tablets to help you sleep and ginger ale for the nausea.

 

He'll continue to drop breadcrumbs as long as he needs the comfort and security of having you there as a Plan B.... but rest assured he'll lose interest once he starts dating someone else! Do you REALLY want to wait around until HE'S the one to finally go No Contact?

 

Read the Recovery Guide.... it's priceless! And go No Contact and block him everywhere.... so you can heal and start to move on!

[Kitty]

Thanks sharky!

I have a stupidly expensive iPhone so can't change my phone and my numbers go back years BUT I deleted his number right after reading this! I remembered the last 3 digits though in case he calls so I know who it is

 

FB isn't a problem as I'm positive if (he closed his acc) he comes back he'd block me first right away, he's like that.

 

I'll pick my stuff up on Wednesday and drop his key at his mums house, she wants to see me as she's upset. I still have a couple of HUGE items of his here including his motorbike but I dont go in the garage so won't see it and I'm guessing he'd want it next spring not now.

 

I did a lot of grieving when he moved out 6 weeks ago but there was always hope, he'd tell me we weren't finished and it was a temporary move BUT I always assumed it would be final so I think the past 6 weeks has helped grieving.

 

Sorry for going on but this and the people here is really helping