Alone with others guys...

[lillady898]

So, a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I got in an argument about hanging out alone with the opposite sex. While he claims it's alright if they're just friends, I find it inappropriate to be ALONE. Why would they have to be completely alone, anyway? That's just what I think.

 

Because he has previously told me that he did not want me to hang out alone with guys, even if they were strictly friends, I had lost many of my friends. I was okay with it though, especially because if my male friends had the oppurtunity they would have loved to hook up. I was happy just avoiding the situation all together. Now it is more annoying that anything that he says it's ok.

 

So getting closer to my point, a couple nights ago I got together with a close friend of mine who is a guy. It felt awkward be alone without my boyfriend, but I figured I shouldn't wait around for my boyfriend or other people to be with us because this friend is moving soon.

 

So... I just didn't like it at all. Why wouldn't my boyfriend feel so awkward?

 

And also, I didn't tell my boyfriend, because he's the type that sometimes forgets when he says something and could easily flip out... I do want to fill him in though, just because I care about what he thinks. I just hope he didn't change his mind about the whole thing...

 

Any advice?

Does anyone else have problems hanging out with the opposite sex while involved with someone else?

 

 

 

P.S. In case it matters, we've been dating a year and I really care about him.

[ticklebug]

if you were going to tell him about hanging out with someone of the opposite sex you should have told him BEFOREHAND. If noting happened, then it's best just to keep your mouth shut.

 

You have no right to put your foot down and say "I don't want you hanging out with any other girl all alone"...but then turn around and make an "exception" for yourself. That is called a double standard.

 

By him saying it's okay if the two are just friends - he is leaving a window open...but what has to happen from this point further is that if a situation comes up where one or the other of you might be alone with the opposite sex, you inform the other person and if there are ANY objections to it - the plans are canceled without argument.

[arwen]

Hey lillady,

 

I have followed a lot of your posts about you and your boyfriend. To be quite honest, the image of your relationship (as far as I can judge from your postings) is not too positive.

 

You are long-distance, which of course requires trust and a lot of commitment. Not so long ago I read that your boyfriend came home and spent more time with his friends than with you. Longer before that you two have been on the verge of breaking up.

 

You love your boyfriend, that's obvious. To me, it sounds like he is very egocentric. He wants his space and doesn't meet your needs in the relationship, he doesn't spend enough time with you, when you break up, he wants you back, he treats you well for a short time, and on top of this all, he does not trust you with your friends. Remember, people who are completely distrusting could be untrustworthy (is that a word?) themselves. In other words, him not trusting you might just as well be because you can't trust him.

 

Is there anything that you get out of this relationship? Of course you wouldn't come here to write things that are going well, and I understand that loving someone sometimes means giving up your own needs to meet theirs.

 

I'm not suggesting you should break up with him. That wouldn't be advise.

 

I am just curious if this boy meets any of YOUR needs that aren't HIS needs as well (such as sex).

 

I wish you more happiness,

 

Ilse.

[daredevil]

In my opinion its okay to hang out with the opposite sex, but ive had some bad experiences with it, where my ex told her close friend a lot of our relationship, which I didn't even know about... she went to him with all her feelings .... So u can guess how it ended... and furthermore she hooked up with a friend of hers just after we broke up... hehe but whatever life goes on

[Meow18]

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with hanging out with the opposite sex alone. However, that requires a lot of trust. If you don't trust your boyfriend, or the other girl, or you don't know the other girl very well, then I could see why someone would be against it.

 

However, if you know and trust both of them, I see nothing wrong with it. I hang out with a guy friend sometimes and my boyfriend doesn't mind. I know that I would never do anything with this other guy and my boyfriend knows it too. He has no reason to not trust me. We tell each other every little thing. I have had some guys try to kiss me, but I push them away. I tell my boyfriend this too. I think it might worry him, but I think telling each other every thing only builds the trust, unless of course you do something they wouldn't approve of.. but I think you should still be honest and open about it. If you think your boyfriend will get mad, then why did you do it in the first place? There's no excuse for keeping something from your boyfriend, or girlfriend.

 

I think that you and your boyfriend need to have another discussion about this because its obvious that you are unclear about his feelings on this issue. Talk to him.

[SkyFire]

Your BF is insecure. He does not control you, so do as you wish.

 

I would still continue to hang out with my female friends, even if my GF said otherwise. Then again if she did that, she would not be my GF.