Life or lack there of with an Alcoholic/Depressed

[Sapient]

I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years now. Her drinking first started to become a problem with me about a year into the relationship. She blames the majority of her problems on either me or her Depression which emotionaly destroy's me and leaves me alone and consumming massive amounts of antacids. I realize I have no control over what she does or her drinking and can only sit aside and watch her destroy herself. She has attempted suicide a few times with me present. In 2 instances she has pulled a knife on herself vowing to run herself through... My reaction on both instances were of me disarming the knife from her. Nobody has gotten hurt seriously but I believe it's just a matter of time before it happens again as long as she continues drinking. If I leave her I know that she will indulge her sorrows and almost definitely attempt to kill herself again without anyone to stop her.

 

 

So here I sit. I absolutley love the woman but the relationship is tearing my life to ribbons. She's extremly caustic when she's drinking and basically pummels me verbaly with my own mistakes. (Working too much, missing on household chores, etc.)

 

WHAT DO I DO?

[calibabe007]

Hello, I am so sorry for you and your situation, I have one question for you... why do you love someone like taht? I mean I know shes special to you... ect., but if she really loved your she would be happy with life. I have one piece of advie for you... just rmember as nmucha syou want to change her because you love her, its hurting you. Tell her you love her and will be their for her when she wants help, but dont kill yourslef trying to save her. Support her when she wants it, but you cant change what she doesnt want changed. Tell her youll always be there for her if she needs you.

[dextro]

That's a really good reply bud, im really sorry too, I dont know why people push themselves to that level. anyways the only thing I can say is support her dont tell to stop or not but you can show her some aspect of her lives that had change in the bad ways and also try to remember her some "souvenirs" of what it was before she started this bad habit. I hope it will be of some help.

 

on this, courage my friend

 

Jeff l. Spiegel

[dextro]

Im sorry for the second post phpbb critical error I had something about the database.

 

on this, courage my friend

 

Jeff l. Spiegel

[Nianna]

I feel for you simply because my mother is an alcholic,it's a harsh name but it's the truth.I know it is so hard to deal with and usually when someone has this sickness they tend to feed off of your emotions and feeling almost like playing with them, one minute they love you the next they hate you it emotionally draining and can hurt you in the mean time, what you have to do is sit and think if she really wanted to kill herself wouldn't she have done it already? She has a sickness and her way of dealing with it is by blaming it on her problems and you,

You see to her you are the safe person and she knows that she can do this to you because she feels you will never leave her and will be there at all times,and that you are willing to give up your life and needs to tend to her and hers.

As hard as this may sound you need to show her tough love and try not to take this the wrong way, but when she goes through these episodes you need to know the difference between helping and not helping as much as you may think you are helping her by feeding into it and standing down or even arguing back with her, in the end you are just allowing her go on and giving her no reason to think about how she is hurting herself and you.

Try and sit her down when she is sober and let her know that she is hurting you and herself, it won't be easy, and she might not listen to you but it deffinately will stick in her mind,alcholism is a hard disease to cure because it depends on her and only her whether she cares enough about you and her life.

When she is drinking my advice to you is to walk away when she is starting to get angry and abusive, and no doubt she will curse and threten to kill herself but that's when you say "honey I love you with all my heart and don't want to see you hurt yourself, but I am going to leave you for a while to calm down because I am not going to take this abuse"

And walk out go for at least a half an hour ride or walk then come back chances are she will be still there alive and safe.

This is what I did when my mother put me through that.

And when your Fiance starts getting angry and argumentive, just tell her "I love you and you can yell and scream at me and push me but I still love you and care for you" Don't feed into her behavior or give her answers. or reasons to argue you want to elimenate them.

 

Well don't want to write a novel or anything but I hope you understand and can use some of my advice.

It helped me so maby it will do the same for you