This might backfire and ruin everything - will it?

[catfood]

I am a 23-year-old female. I've been dating a great guy for three months now, and this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. It's not perfect, but there is definitely mutual respect and courtesy.

 

At the very beginning of the relationship, he learned that I was recently divorced. Like, very recently. As in things weren't legally finalized when we got together. My ex and I have a great relationship and there is no drama whatsoever, but I know that my current boyfriend was a bit freaked out by the divorce. Especially since I'm so young. I think he thought I might be a bit unstable or something.

 

Anyway, so things are great, but we're definitely taking it slow. A few weeks ago however, we were coming home from the bars and he really opened up to me. He was concerned about getting involved with me too quickly after the divorce, and he was concerned that I "needed" him, that he was a crutch. The thing is, I honestly believe he's not a crutch. I left my husband before I even met him and don't feel like I "need" a man. I just want him. I told him so, and then he said he was afraid because he was falling in love with me. It was sooo unexpected and I didn't know what to say so I just said "You're drunk." To which he sort of laughed and said "Yeah, you're right." He wasn't too drunk though, and I know he remembers what happened.

 

Anyway. lately things have been amazing. He's sooo caring and wonderful and I really believe I'm falling for him too. So my question is, should I tell him? I've come so close several times now, just blurting it out. But I know that:

 

1. Saying that too soon can freak a guy out

2. If he doesn't say it back I'll be freaked out and it might wind up being the end of us

3. I think he's still afraid that I "need" him and maybe thinks I would confuse love with need.

 

On the other hand, I think life's too short to keep things like that bottled up.

 

So what do you think?

 

Thanks SO much. Any advice is appreciated. [/b]

[ticklebug]

it is too soon for things like that to come out...just enjoy the time you are spending there is no need to rush the emotional aspect of it.

 

Yeah he made the comment about possibly falling in love with you....but you made a very smart assesment of the fact he had been drinking...even if he wasn't flat out plastered...it still can make someone get mushy and not really be themselves.

 

He has every right in the world to be concered he is the "rebound" guy. The only thing that will answer if he is or not, is time...

 

after only three months of dating, you are still in that "honeymoon" phase...everythng is great about each other...give it another 6 months and see where things are...thenyou will know that your feelings are changing more from infatuation and caring to something more.

[diverp]

I have had it a few different ways. I have had a girl say she loves me who really was not the right person for me and I knew it. I have had one say that to me who was very nice and good to be with, but I was younger (in my early 20's) and just didn't have the maturity level at that age.

 

Now, with my girlfriend right now, I simply was there cuddling with her, I KNEW it was right. I was at a point in my life finally where saying it means something and I took it seriously, and I looked her in the eyes with a very intense glare on her eyes and told her I loved her. She just about melted and said the same back. Now, neither one of us really has said that to another person very easily early in a relationship (we had been going out about 3 months or so at the time). It felt right for both of us though. It was very comfortable and soothing.

 

You can usually tell how someone feels about it by how they look you in the eyes. How they act with you out during the day. If the guy is a mature guy and he is a loving guy to you, he will respond very well to you saying it.

 

Good luck

[GettingOverIt]

Just wait... I have been guilty of saying it too soon a couple of times... The first time, she didn't respond at all, and I was left feeling pretty stupid, and then questioned my own feelings etc. A different time (different woman), I said it way too soon, and ended up spending the rest of the time with her 'proving' my love. Very unhealthy, and it drove us both nuts.

 

You will know when the time to say it right... Wait for it!

[Cecelius]

Facts as they are presented: He is worried that you might dump him. This is because you got divorced recently, were involved before divorced formally and because you are chronologically young.

 

It doesn't mean he thinks less of you obviously, it just means he takes you seriously (ie, you are a woman of action when it matters) and that your age and the fact that you got married and divorced somewhat young is/can be evidence of volatility. Also, without projecting, its always a good idea for the new man to allow time for the recently demised relationship to really, really be over before he gets over awed.

 

It sounds as if he is wrong on the volitility measure. It also sounds as if he's really into you.

 

If he had a crystal ball and could know for certain that all was in his hands if he wanted it, he would have no qualms about saying or not saying or hearing or not hearing "I love you."

 

So, if you are still into the relationship and it sounds as if you are, he is probably looking for long term fun, stability, dependability, etc., and he is old enough to know that people who factually seem to be rushing in, probably are.

 

He won't get freaked that he's getting locked in if you say you love him, he might get freaked that you're rushing in and it will end badly for him.

 

So take it light, have a fabulous time (it sounds like that's already happening) and say it when it seems relaxed and right.