when others throw chaos in your life

[cleverme123]

Ok, I have posted some what about this before but now there is a whole new angle I have missed. I have been with this guy for a year now, got married 2 weeks ago, have a baby on the way...

 

Well at first and when he is here, things seem like this picture perfect world. We get along great, rarely fight, etc. the problem is he works 2 almost full time jobs. I rarely see him. To make matters worse, I recently found out his ex works at the same store he does, and I had had my suspicious thinking on her for a while. Then, I find out this other girl he works with who was suppose to be a mutual friend, not only slept with him before we got together, but now has been playing him against me.

 

To make matters worse, I confronted both of these chicks while they were working. The ex I told to back off because she knows how it feels to be sitting at home while her man is out cheating. She only called here every other night for 3 weeks crying her eyes out to my man. he allows it. She is very rude to begin with, and I was not being at all nasty I just told her to back off. She told me there was nothing going on, and she barely spoke to him. So I set her up, I told her he had said to me that he was leaving me to go back to her. Well, she decides to leave her job and come over to see whats going on. Little did she know I set her up and followed her to my house. I pulled up right behind her and she tried to avoid me, she then circles the block and rides back through several more times before going to a pay phone and calling. When I answered she hung up.

 

the other chick had told my husband all this crap and had compounded everything together and everything I said to her she told him. Which was a really low thing to do. So I totally washed my hands of both of them.

 

So now the whole problem. My husband was FURIOUS, told me he was filing for divorce didn't want to be with me, didn't care about the baby I was carrying, threatened to take him away. It goes on and on. I begged and pleaded for forgiveness and he was mad, but he told me I need to just forget about them and quit trying to trudge stuff up making our relationship bad. I can't help but wonder why he was so angry when he knows the one is a complete liar, and two why the ex would come here after I told her to back off, if something wasn't going on.

 

So hubby and I talked and he seemed some what ok. Now he is back to really caring for me again. Is this just a time bomb, or should I be turning the other cheek to theses ex's.

[OceanEyes]

Why was this woman calling your husband every other night crying her eyes out? Because she wanted him back?

 

This story has a lot of different issues, I would even know where to start. Was your husband just saying "I don't care about you or the baby" because he was obviously (tremendously) upset? How are things with you now?

 

I can understand your frustration about these two other women, but I think if my boyfriend did something like that (showing up on the job), I would probably be kind of upset (not that his encouragement of these phone calls is "ok").

 

I think the problem lies between you and your husband, not between him and these other women. He is the one with a responsibility to you, and a comittment to your marriage. I don't think it's ever a good thing when a married man has an ex-girlfriend calling the house frequently. Something just doesn't sound right about him at all.

[dirtbubble]

I agree with OceanEyes. This is between you and your man. My perception is that you owe it to yourself and your child to get things straight with him soon. If you don't want those other women in his life, make your case strong.

 

It's about respect. How would he feel if men who still wanted you were coming around and calling and checking to see if your marriage was still "okay?" That ain't right.

 

I can tell a lot is at stake here. Your man has already bluffed a break up over this. Insist on clarity and truth, and don't waste time on head games. I have faced similar situations from both angles, and have reached the conviction that the marriage should take precedence over old friendships, no matter what. If it doesn't, what is really going on?

[cleverme123]

Well, I just got the whole story with the two girls. The first one he slept with while he was seeing his ex girlfriend. Keep in mind she is married with 3 kids. She told him she was trying to help us out by helping us both figure out what the other was saying.

 

So after exploding on both, the ex girlfriend showed up here but I ran her off. She called him at work today and said she is happy with her new boyfriend and if he is happy with me then she doesn't want to mess with me.

 

However, the girl he works with who I thought was my friend has told very elaborate stories trying to break us up so she can get him back. Now according to him, he hasn't done anything wrong, the girl he works with is done. He has and will not cheat on me. And the relationship I thought existed with the ex was a lie that this other girl made up.

 

He was flaming mad with me because I did it at his job, but I knew they would both be there. And when he calmed down he said he was sorry for saying he didn't want me or the baby and that he didn't care. But he did tell me I need to stop being so insecure. So he did not end it, but yes he did have me quite upset about the whole I am going to leave you thing. However, this is not the first time he has done that. It's like a security blanket for him. So I guess for now all is well.