Need Advice

[Akira]

How do you know if you are in fact homosexual or bisexual? I considered myself to be bi because I found both girls and guys attractive, plus the fact that I am deeply attracted to one of my school friends (I went to an all-girl's school). However, I read in this 'sexuality-guide' that having a crush on a friend of the same-sex does not necessarily mean that you are bi or gay. So now I'm really confused.

 

I once consulted someone over the net about this over a year ago (it was during my first same-sex crush) and they said it was probably something to do with me going to an all-girl school…however a lot of homophobia exists in my school and just about every student there is *only* guy-crazy…so I think it's just an individual thing.

 

All through 2004 I have been deeply attracted to my friend Georgia – and it has been a very painful experience for me. I've had to keep everything to myself and figure out my true feelings alone for fear of being rejected. Mid way through October I decided enough was enough and I told one of my oldest friends (Hanna) of my attraction to Georgia and she was really surprised. However, to my relief she was extremely supportive and we had a long phone conversation about it afterwards. So, with such a positive reaction behind me I decided to tell Georgia…but at the last minute decided not to for I felt 'empty'. It was like my love for her had vanished. However, now that school is over I can't stop thinking about her. Hanna thinks that I must want Georgia as a really good friend…but I've never wanted to get close to my other really good friends

 

Well, thanks for reading. I hope I haven't bored you. I have more to say but I think I'll leave it for another time. I'd appreciate any responses!

[ticklebug]

oh good grief - for one thing a "sexuality guide" isn't something to go by when it comes to your emotions.

 

What does it matter if you are homosexual or bisexual? All that truly matters is that you come to terms and accept for yourself who you are attracted to, regardless of gender, and you give it a shot.

 

You may swing between liking men and women for a while, and trying dating both, before you can truly decide what is best for you. Itisn't like you have to choose one or the other before embarking on dating.

 

when it comes down to it...gender of the person you are attracted to really shouldn't be an issue...what matters is how they treat you.

[digital fiction]

When going through your teen years, you tend to question whether or not you are a homosexual. I myself am straight - But I do understand what you are talking about. I know for a fact girls can get very attached to other girls, as very, very good friends. I dont know your position or case but I know that it is normal. It happens to alot of people, I am sure that in this all girl school, a large amount of girls have had the same thoughts somewhere down the line.

 

I suggest taking things as they come. Youre too young to know your answer yet. Just be yourself, you'll soon find out. Either way - Be happy for who you are.

[Akira]

Wow, thanks for your quick replies!

 

I'm quite proud of my sexuality. Like, my ability to appreciate and adore both genders. It's fine with me. I just don't like the confusion...it's difficult. I think I've got myself sorted out and then...there are feelings of doubt. It can be very tough sometimes...but you know, by no means is it extreme. This is just a part of life I have to accept.

 

...I just don't know what to do about Georgia.

[digital fiction]

First and foremost - Just keep it as very, very good friends, for now anyway. Thats exactly what to do about Georgia, and an answer to your question.

 

Take things as they come, stay close friends - You'll soon find out what her feelings are about you. If she does admire you, then youve done great, if she doesnt - Then it doesnt mean you cant continue to be great friends.

[Cadence308]

It sounds like you are pretty sure of your same-sex attraction to Georgia. First you need to find out a couple of things about her. For one, how does she feel about same-sex attractions? There's a couple of ways to ask her. You could ask her if she's ever kissed a girl or had a crush on a girl and see where the conversation takes you. You could talk about something in the news related to gay/lesbian marriage and bring up in general and then get more specific about it to find out her true feelings on the topic.

 

Also, does she have boyfriends or talk about guys? You said she's a good friend so this would be something that you could pick up on. If she never has interest in men then she might be a lesbian.

 

I think that you should tell her how you feel, but you need to proceed cautiously and find out how she could respond.

 

Keep us posted.

[gift from the gods]

God ive been there........hard isnt it!!!

well..... (this sounds bad me saying this as i am younger than you) but you really dont have to make up your mind just yet, your 17! have fun and experiment..... To me it sounds like you really like this girl though. how do you think she will react? you could try to talk about the subject to 'test' her views on it, and if she gives you a good respone tell her (be brave!!! )....... ummm.... thats bout all i have to add!!!!

good luck!!

 

Sorry, didnt read the other posts b4 i added this so im sorry if i repeted anything!!!!

[Akira]

Wow, thank you for your positive reactions! I really appreciate it.

 

Since we've finished school she's moved back to where she lives (some rural area) because she used to be a boarder at the school. So now we write letters to each other because she is devoid of a computer (which is really frustrating!). I think about her so much and miss her company. The last time I saw her was the day of my drama exam. I was going to give her a letter then but decided against it. Anyway, before we went in to do the exam she gave me a letter of her own. It took me by complete surprise and it almost distracted me from the exam! (lol) - anyway, I opened it at home and it was full of random pics and notes - it's kinda hard to explain. Let's just say Georgia has her own world, which is one of the things I love about her (I'm aware that that sounds pathetic). What caught my eye was the arrangement of our photos - which were apart but facing each other - that were on the last page.

 

I know she had a boyfriend last year, but it didn't last long. She broke it off. I asked her about it recently and she refused to talk about it because she finds the guy repulsive. It was quite amusing to hear that. Anyway, I'm willing to be open-minded about relationships...and I really want her to be as well. But that all depends on her reaction. I think I will drop a few hints in my next letter or something...but god! It's so bloody painful! The waiting and the not-knowing and the hoping! Grrr...

 

Well, I appreciate your support and suggestions and would love to hear future comments if you feel the need to say anything. Thanks so much!

[gift from the gods]

Aww....... I so get what you meen about the painfull bit and i really dont meen to be highing your hopes but....to me it sounds good...!!!! hehe....totaly repulsed by a guy (slowly turning her into one of us!!!! ) so.....yer and all the writing, very romantic!!

well yes....my point..... oohhh..... good luck with her/it !!!