Tracking My PMS

[meoww]

Sometimes it's really hard for me to control my emotions before my period. That has led to me making some pretty regrettable decisions, especially when it comes to food and getting way too in my head. I'm going to try to track my moods before my period so that I have better understanding of when I need to brace myself for this bumpy and unpredictable ride! Hopefully then I'll be able to exert some control over my PMS and be less affected by my uncharacteristic behavior during this time.

[meoww]

So for starters, my period has just started, literally. I thought today would be a good time to start so I can track my entire cycle and start to piece together the patterns in my thinking and behavior. Some months my PMS is a lot more severe than others. This month was one of those emotional cycles that left me feeling out of control and stressed out.

 

Yesterday, I started out the day with a lot of energy, waking up early and powering through the day with a lot of protein. I even had this fleeting thought that I could totally be like a lion or something and be a full on carnivore. Fruit is starting to taste too sweet to me, I pretty much only have cravings for meat even though I still love vegetables. Now that I've started my period I think maybe my body was craving iron because I pretty much fell apart in the evening.

 

Last night I was exhausted, feeling massive and bloated, suddenly craving massive amounts of ice cream and greasy food. So I ate 3 scoops of cookie dough which I hadn't eaten about 3 years. Then I had french fries...

 

And then I checked my email trash to see an irritating email from an old ex I still keep blocked, from nearly a month ago (the funny thing is that if I would checked it 24 hours later it would have been auto deleted because my email only keeps trash for 30 days) and wrote him out a long, not exactly emotional but very thorough reply. Honestly it was the most cordial I've been to him in a long time and somehow my digust for him has dissipated recently since I've started to become happier, but knowing I replied because I was PMSing was kind of disturbing when I woke up this morning. I'm glad I cleared up our misunderstanding and finally communicated why I was so angry in way that just can't be denied no matter how immature he can be. I stood my ground on our issues without getting hysterical when I used to not be able to manage that at all.

 

I feel way less emotionally volatile now that I've started my period! Ugh annoying.

I was feeling really negative yesterday and I didn't even know it. My entire thought process was affected, all of my insecurities and worries were magnified.

 

The worst part is when I'm in that zone I'm totally not self aware of it.

I get so lonely during those times, and start being overly critical of myself.

 

Today, my guess is that I'm going to feel slightly weak all day.

[meoww]

I actually feel pretty good. I don't feel fatigued and my mind feels pretty clear.

[meoww]

The past two days I'm feeling fine, just normal. No out of control food cravings or difficulty regulating my negative emotions. The ex that I really dislike who got into contact with me the day before my period when I was feeling easily triggered, is barely on my register. Even though his total lack of integrity is still blowing my mind! The difference is that when my hormonal issues are under control I just accept that it's not my responsibility to change him, and can go about my day without being bothered by him or grossed out by him to the point that I want to scream that he is a rapist. Lol.

 

So I think I'm probably going to be fine well into about week 2 or 3. That's usually when personality changes start to creep up on me and I start making weird decisions I regret later.

[meoww]

Day 5 of my period. Typically by day 3 my period is really light. It is pretty much only really legit for 2 days. The first day I just cramp really badly but there isn't much bleeding. Then I bleed a lot for a day or two. I barely need a liner in my current condition.

 

However, because I'm back in this country I feel the fatigue creeping up on me. It's so strange how I don't feel that way anywhere else in the world pretty much. I think it must psychological. I loved being home this summer I felt like I was gone for a year when it was only a few weeks.

 

I think I definitely need to eat more meat and get up earlier.

My mood is stable, but my body is feeling weaker than it should given that I'm healthy.

[meoww]

Day 6 it's basically over. I ate too much today but that's out of habit not due to a particular state of mind or mood. I am using food to cope and reward myself after a long day. I need rewards that don't involve food or shopping. Sigh that seems like it doesn't leave me too many other luxuries in life!

[meoww]

Feeling anxious these past few days. My period is over. But I'm really anxious right now.

[meoww]

I didn't have anything in my fridge so I resorted to eating those packaged ramen noodles but they honestly make me feel sick. They're pretty disgusting! Can't even think about it. Anyway, sometimes I get lazy like that because the grocery store is kind of far. My mood gets really low when I don't eat well.

 

So had a terrible day, I need to make sure I always have good food available to me. I just kept eating yesterday because I was never satisfied. At night I was really craving some food but I didn't bother since there was nothing tasty. When I woke up I felt better because I didn't give into the late night craving and finally regained that sense of control over my food.

 

Next I want to cut down on my internet use. I think I'll feel better if I do that.

[meoww]

I totally forgot about this thread!

Ok let's see, not much of a change in my mood. In a few weeks I really wonder if I'll start to see a change in my cravings, sleeping habits and emotions as my period begins.

 

My mood has been good but fragile. I'm triggered easily.

I get stressed out around jerks but not around generally pleasant people. I am not motivated to do things I don't enjoy or that require a lot of effort lol. The usual.

[meoww]

Today I was calm, although I definitely know I'm stressed out on some level. I don't know how to make that last layer of stress disappear. If I could do that I would finally be able to say I'm healthy. I'm also making more of a conscious effort to get proper nutrition, mostly for anti aging purposes. I'm counting added sugars and staying under 40 grams a day to start. Feeling pretty good, definitely more stable than in the last 2 or 3 weeks. I also just want to lose these last 10 pounds I have failed to keep off in 2 freaking years. I just have to get it done.

[meoww]

I had the best lunch ever today, I swear there was literally like a party in my mouth. Like a live band was playing in there on the beach. But it came with dessert and I forgot about my 40g sugar rule. And I drank juice too. So I pretty much hit my limit right there.

 

I got up early without difficulty. I had a disturbing dream, not a nightmare, but a dream with a underlying dark quality. Didn't bother to remember it though. So I didn't have enough energy to clean before work.

 

Took a nap too. Had another weird dream.

 

However I think my mood was decent enough. No PMS behavior or feelings yet.

[meoww]

The cravings are hitting, and they are hitting hard! I definitely don't feel in comtrol anymore.

[meoww]

I hope this is PMS because I don't know what else it could be. I feel more irritable than usual. I almost snapped at someone but I was able to control myself. I feel negative emotions and positive emotions very strongly. Anger is an overpowering emotion in particular though. Old thoughts from the past are interrupting my thoughts at night.

 

I have been thinking about food a lot. I just don't have willpower right now. I have a little bit less energy but not by much.

 

I'm bloated too. I'm right on schedule though!

[meoww]

So far the only thing that has helped my ice cream cravings is fresh mozzarella and like caprese salad. I think the balsamic and cheese together has an umami flavor to it that is really satisfying. It's such a comfort food.

 

I think other stuff that might work is like mushrooms, pumpkin, squash, goat cheese, stuff that is hearty but not gross.

 

I even feel mentally better after having it. Like so calm. Even if I can't eat small portions!

[meoww]

About day 3 or so of the severe PMS symptoms.Ew i feel gross and fat. I am not bingeing or anything but I have to be eating like 1800-2200 calories a day. I'm just trying to minimize the damage because I know I'm struggling to control myself.

 

I feel depressed too. Not like really depressed, but alienated and unliked. It's an awful feeling. I feel vulnerable, like I'm being judged negatively. I wish this would stop. It's just awful. I can't really cope with this.

[meoww]

Thinking seriously about getting on antidepressants for my PMS and other problems. I tried taking some extra Vicodin I had from getting a wisdom tooth out a few weeks ago. I just felt so chill. I want to be like that all the time. I think my life would be a lot easier and I'd get so much more done.

 

Part of the problem is that I overthink things, and my other problem is that I get scared of doing stuff like making decisions even when it's as simple as deciding what to eat for dinner.

 

So I really think I could deal with the side effects because I really want my emotions to be more positive, just for my own sake. The only issue is the orgasm thing, that really bothers me. But since I'm trying to cut down on masturbating anyway, maybe I'll still be able to orgasm easily. The last thing I'm worried about is dependency. I don't want to be medicated for longer than about a year and a half, if that.

 

But unfortunately if I do start antidepressants, it might be harder to track my PMS the way I was planning to because of the changes my body will experience.

 

I'm kind of excited though. What if it really changes my life for the better?

[meoww]

Another thing that is calming my cravings is hot tea.

 

I'm confused though because I haven't had my period yet...

[meoww]

Ok this is so weird. Where is my period? I guess if my PMS started on the 19th, then it would make sense if I started on the 26th. But this is pure agony. I'm making an effort to eat nutrient dense foods, and tons of iron and calcium. I am feeling weak and exhausted. I'm not an emotional wreck like I was from the 19th to the 21st.

 

It's also weird considering I started a month ago...I thought the average cycle was 28 days. I have never counted since I always know when it is going to start because my cramps start in the same way every time. So I have no idea when to expect it to start.

[meoww]

Ok I'm starting to worry...every day this week I've anxiously waited for my period to start...

[meoww]

Ok maybe I'm just counting wrong. Maybe you're supposed to count after the last day of your period. I need to check that. In that case I still have a day or two to go.

[meoww]

Finally! So basically my PMS lasted for 8-9 days. That sucks. But at least I'm getting a handle on how my body works. I'm so happy right now because I know it's the end of my misery! I feel so much better already. My body feels like it's deflating and I already have more self control.

[meoww]

Strangely, the bloating seems to be all in my head. Day 1 of my period I weighed myself and I hadn't gained or lost any weight at all during my PMSing period.

 

Now I'm day 3ish I think. I guess I'll weigh myself again later this week.

 

My eating is completely back to normal and my moods are too. There is definitely a huge difference. I just feel fine right now.

[meoww]

My body just seems weird this time around. Usually I don't have heavy bleeding for the first 12 hours or so, but this time it was like bam. Usually I bleed heavily for about a day and a half or two days but that didnt happen either. I basically only bled for one day, I was like hemorrhaging blood. I seriously wonder if it is because my vagina is getting looser and I'm getting older lol. I really want to ask my doctor about this because I swear over the past 2 years, when I started masturbating for the first time, my vagina suddenly became like huge and cavernous. I can't seem to find anything on the internet about it.

 

I lost about a pound. That's not much though. Just at the usual weight my body likes to be at while being able to eat pretty much what I want.

[meoww]

Mood and energy wise I feel good. I'm realizing that when I'm PMSing I have a hard time making decisions. Now that I'm not PMSing anymore it's not that complicated. It's pretty frustrating to discover how much harder my life is when I'm PMSing. It's really not under my control, it's worse than being intoxicated.

 

Right now I feel so clear headed and happy with my life. I don't have paranoid thoughts and I can push them away if they start to crowd my mind. I don't have this weird tight and full feeling like I need both a physical and mental release. My mind isn't racing with a million thoughts and I'm not obsessed by food or past anger.

[meoww]

Ok my period is probs over. It's been 6 or 7 days? I honestly sort of lost track since it was pretty light this cycle. I feel increasingly better. But I want to keep this going so that I can see if the cycle repeats itself again. Hard to believe I felt so bad considering my positive outlook now and how in control of the things going on in my head I feel.