4thefuture Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Hi, I am new to this forum and I need advice. I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. Recently(as in the past 2 months), my boyfriend has developed a friendship with this girl that he met at school through friends. This chick has major issues with men. Anyways, he sometimes goes over to her place alone to play video games and watch movies for like 6 or 7 hours. She pours her heart out to him about her past relationships. I have told him that I am uncomfortable with him going over their until 2 or 3 in the morning. I think it's inappropriate. He thinks that I am trying to select his friends for me and that he is not whipped. Whenever I am talking to him on msn, she is chatting with him too. I believe she is a clinger. When I was single, if a guy friend(esspecially one I just met) had a girlfriend, I wouldn't ask him to come over to watch movies. I wouldn't pour my heart out to him. I know about girls like her. They have men issues so once they find a guy that listens to them and respects them...they cling! She knows I don't like him there...and once I was upset over msn and he told her he had to leave to come home and talk to me about it. Then when he got home and talked with me...she's asks him if the drama was over. My boyfriend is a great guy, the love of my life and I trust him with all of my heart. He's too nice in a way, thinking he can help her. What I want to know is...am I over reacting? Or am I jealous? I don't like the thought of another woman (especially a needy one) spending one on one time with him. Please give me advice. Thanks! Link to comment
tea Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Even if it's jealousy I think your jealousy is well justified. I hate it when girls cling on guys with girlfriends. I'm a very clingy girl myself, and when bf had this other girl cling on him while he's away from me I got all upset. =/ Grr... I don't care if she needs someone to cling on, I claim right to his arms! Perhaps you can somehow let him know the reason why you don't want him there isn't because you want to whip him into shape. Give him reasons why you see it as a big problem and a threat to your relationship. If he really is a nice guy he'll at least tell her to back off for you. After I let my boyfriend know how much I don't like it he simply told the girl she can't do that anymore. =/ Of course she asked why, clingy girls always ask why when ppl don't let them cling anymore. My boyfriend just said, "I don't like it." ^_^ not "my girlfriend doesn't like it," which makes me happy. =D Eh... talk to him? Well, another way of looking at it is if girls just have this urge to cling on him he must really be a great guy... Link to comment
4thefuture Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 we have talked about it and it's seems like it never gets resolved. I don't know how to make him understand. He knows that I am uncomfortable with it. Once he was over there and he came on msn a couple of times to see how I was doing. That didn't help at all, just reminded me that I am 2000 kms away and she is with him... How do I make him understand? Link to comment
tea Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 if he's really that dense, give him a hypothetical situation about you having a really clingy guy friend around you, ask him how he feels. If he has no objection to that then... i'm not sure if he's really that into you anymore. =( Most of the people will admit they wont' like the idea too much. Then ask him to have the curtesy to do the same for you, stop hanging out with her pass 12 and don't hang out with her alone, etc. Ask him to not talk to her on MSN when you're talking to him because it makes you feel like you're no different from that girl.. =/ I really dont' know so I'm just throwing out ideas. I hope he understands soon. Guys should cherish girlfriends, not hurt them. Link to comment
apalosia Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 i feel for you...the trouble is, you won't be able to make him understand. at least that's my experience...guys just don't get it sometimes. or they think they do and think the reasoning is unreasonable so no matter how many different ways you try to explain it they shut down or something happens in their brains. i don't know much detail about your relationship or him so i don't want to assume too much here...and tea is right, your jealousy is well justified from where I can see it, but if it's not from his point of view then maybe you need to accept that and trust him and not let it be annoying to you or him. maybe it's nice for him to just be spending time with someone, but she's not for him...she might give him a good feeling of making him feel needed, but he may see that as a weakness in her and may be turned off by that. it is a little sketchy, but you should ask him if you should be jealous...tell him that you are jealous for the obvious reason that your boyfriend is hanging out with another girl 2000km away and you need to know if it is justified in his view and tell him that no matter what you need to know if his feelings change about you or her immediately to be fair. i know it's hard, but as my experience goes, try to talk to him as a real person to person thing, and not as an emotional girlfriend. good luck. i wish you the best... Link to comment
4thefuture Posted December 5, 2004 Author Share Posted December 5, 2004 Just an update on this.... Things are great now. It was rocky but we have resolved it and all is good. Link to comment
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