Please help! Understanding behaviour of guy I love...

[angel607]

Hi all,

 

I posted a while back about a guy I met- here's the history. I'm 19, he is 22. We met online about 7 months ago, and from there built up a strong friendship- speaking daily, then eventually speaking on the phone. We really began to fall for eachother, but for me anyway, I couldn't accept it with someone I had never met.

 

Eventually I bit the bullet and went to stay with him (he lives 180 miles from me) for a week. This was 6 weeks ago now. We had an amazing time- he told me many personal things, we slept together, he said things like I was really special, he had never felt this way about a girl before and he felt really happy with me. He did tell me he felt he didn't want anything more though, and I made it clear I did.

 

When I left him, he cried, and a mutural friend sais he was down about me going. It felt like we had an amazing connection, and we really got on amazing.

 

When we got back, he didn't ring as much, or message, and I got scared and put too much pressure on him. He told me things such as: 'I was scared, I felt like if we was together I'd get hurt' and that when we was online, it wasn't 'real' but when we met it was, and he got scared and backed of. He said he just wanted to be alone.

 

Well two weeks ago, he told me he had met another girl. I went mad and told him not to contact me again. Well after 2 weeks, he contacted me again. He said he was 'really sorry for all that crap' and he hopes we could still chat.

 

My plan of action at the moment has been to not initiate any contact, and to make myself a little unavailable so he didn't take talking with me for granted.

 

What do you all make of it? I want to be with him so much.

[PunkyMonkey]

Well I think you should have a talk with him, not a talk were you just get some questions anwsered. A serious conversation, were you get everything straight. You shouldn't have to pick by yourself what to do. You should make it clear to him what your going to do to so he knows too.

Let him know how you feel and what you think of him. Get everything out so he knows. Hope this helps

 

* If you need somemore advice contact me.*

[angel607]

Thanks for your reply.

 

I told him before we stopped talking that I thought he was amazing, and I loved him. It was really hard to do, and although he didn't run a mile, he didn't reciprocate.

 

He told me he 'just don't want a relationship' and he asks me why I liked him. He isn't a very secure person, and dosn't like himself very much. He told me he thinks I'm really special, funny and intelligent, and there is strong chemistry between us, but he is confused. He also said the distance is a big factor too- that seeing eachother every other weekend isn't a good basis for a relationship, and saying goodbye each time would hurt too much.

 

Whether any of that has changed in this past 2 weeks, I don't know. I feel if I bring the subject up too soon now, the pressure will be too much and he'll bolt for good.

[angel607]

Is there anymore feedback or suggestions for me? I'd really appreciate some insight!

 

Thanks.

[shabazz]

I think that girls make themselves more appealing to a guy when they avoid the phone calls and im when you do not iniate it, but rather when the guy does. I have learned from my guy friends that they are not soo into a girl when she makes her self look too avaliable. You told him how you feel, now let time take its course and if its meant to be it will. I am sure you all had something special, but maybe its the distance, thing, too. I hope things work out and Im sure you are a wonderful young lady. Until then, hang out with other guys and do not limit yourself and time to waiting on him. Let him wait on you.... Hope this helps..