Am I just being stupid, not thinking straight?

[Josh G.]

Ok, Ive been reading alot of posts on this site lately about people, who's bf/gf just dont love them anymore, and like another person, so they break up with them, and this just happened to one of my best friends. Its terrible, right now, he devestated, they've been together for liek 2 or 3 years, and he really liekd her. Now that Im thinking abotu it alot, I dont want it to happen to me, I just dont feel like getting into a serious relationship anymore, I really dont feel like I ever want to get into something serious, So, now I need some advice, comments and feedback. I think before anything gets serious, I want to break up with my gf, because of this. I think that it would be good enough that we could still be friends with out to much akwardness between us. I really like her, but it just seems so possible that she could lose interest. So if yuo guys can maybe talk me out of it, if not, what can I do or say to let her now, that it is nothing with her. ( I think she has low self esteem, because we got into an argument over msn, she thought she was ugly, and I was getting mad becasue it is not true at all) thanks in advance, Josh.

[gersanos]

That is nothing but fear that is holding you back, and to live a life of fear is to not be alive at all. Fear: F*%^ Everything And Run.

 

I was hurt terribly by my first love, and swore to never allow someone else to ever get close to me. I dated plenty, but never got serious. Then I finally overcame my fears, and got serious with someone. In the end, I got hurt again, but this time, I picked myself up and went forward with it.

 

I do agree with you that it is sad how things play out. When I broke up with my X that left me crushed for a while, I had 9 friends/acquaintences that went through break-ups themselves all within a 1.5 month time-frame. The reasons: I'm confused, I want to be single, someone else, etc. These were all serious relationships, and none involved anything serious to cause the break-up like cheating, violence, abuse, drugs, etc.

 

Sometimes you have to get out there and take those risks. It is better to have loved, then to never have loved at all. And above all, you have to be true to yourself. Avoiding relationships because of fear of getting hurt will only prolong your misery. People do need time to heal and get over hurt(s), but eventually, you have to get back out there and live life to its fullest. You have to take those risks.

 

Paradoxically, love has brought for me the greatest of joys and memories, as well as the gravest of pains. Those joys were some of the very best moments and experiences that I have had in life. The pain was temporary - it passed in time. And with that pain came a bigger, better & stronger me.

 

Do you care about your gf? You say she may have low self-esteem and thinks she's ugly. Are you just going to walk away thinking she has issues and you can do better, or are you going to be there for her and help her overcome this?

[Josh G.]

Well, thanks for the reply, I have givin it some thought, I dont think I am going to do that, your right.

 

I havnt even experienced anything yet, and I am trying to predict what is going to happen.

 

And I would never leave a girl because she had some issues, I would try and help her with them.

 

But, if i did that, it wouldnt be very fair, Im afraid of getting dumped so I dump her? Bad and cruel idea. The only problem that makes me feel this way though, is ever since Ive been dating her, I Feel liek a boring guy around her, and i just have a feeling she will lose interest soon, but I have to give this a shot and I got to have some faith.

[gersanos]

Confidence Josh, confidence. You are not a boring guy, but by telling yourself that you will be.

 

Try doing some things differently with her: go to new places, talk about lots of different things, etc. A lot of it boils down to how comfortable and open-minded you are. Do not worry about her interest or whatever. Be yourself. If she does not like that, then that is her lose. You are young my friend, you will meet plenty of girls.

 

If you have that feeling of being dumped soon or something like that, then talk to her about it - meaning, what's up with you two, should we keep this, or should we split, etc. Or, if you have a strong feeling that it's coming, then dump her: it will be easier this way b/c she has detached herself somewhat and is getting stronger to do it, while you do it and walk away with less pain.

 

I'm 23 & 2 girls have dumped me so far. Both of them were similar in many respects: gorgeous girls from rich families that never worked a day in there lives and had all the material possessions anyone would ever dream of wanting and did drugs quite a bit. Of course they got bored of me: I don't do drugs, I'm middle class, average guy, etc. I am not high society over here. I don't even like designer clothes - hence I'd never be seen alive with most of the brands that they wore. But it was a learnign expereince when I dated them, as well as a taste of a different world.

 

Each & every relationship is different. From each one you learn about yourself, life, and relationships. Sometimes the growth is profound, sometimes subtle.

 

If you don't feel right being with her, or you have doubts, then address it. Don't just stay with her because it's convenient or you feel like you haev to.