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Crazy about someone but married


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My spouse of 26 yrs are healing from an infidelity issue she had over a year ago. I'm really not over it and someone has entered my life that has parked on my heart. She is 15 yrs younger but thats not really an issue. I have this urge to tell her how I feel but I'm afraid to confuse her and to see what her reaction would be. Knowing that this probably won't go anywhere I still have the need to tell her how I feel about her. She is a single mom and I'm crazy about her. I don't think she knows how I feel. But I think she senses something. Am I wasting my time spiling the beans??? I have a nice letter that I want to read to her. I have to get this off my chest soon...

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You are *married*. If that means so little to you that you would go chasing after another woman; then, you should, at least, have the decency to get a divorce first.


Your wife's past affair has no bearing on this situation. In fact, if you pursue this relationship, you have absolutely no right to be upset with her; as, you will be guilty of the same. (Even if you never get together *physically*, you will be guilty of *emotional infidelity*).

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First of all, you need to decide if you are going to make your marriage work or not. You can't just fall crazy in love with someone else for the sake of doing it. If you all decided to work past the infedelity, two wrongs don't make a right! It isn't fair to drag another person into this and tell her how you feel if you have no intention of leaving your wife. That is selfish on your behalf to someone you supposedly care about. It is also selfish to your wife, if she thinks your being faithful and your screwing around have the decency to tell her and end the relationship with her before dragging someone else into it.

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So far the replies have been great. Thanks. Even though my wife cheated on me over a year ago, I promised myself I would work hard to keep our marriage intact. And it seems to be working. She realizes the mistakes she made and even has said "I don't know why you stay with me" . We both discussed the fact that something could happen down the road to me. I actually think she she is ready for it. 26 years is a long time and I know there will be bumps in the road, but the fact that I was cheated on almost gives me the green light to do it back. Thankfully, I don't think that way and I would divorce or separate before I went into another relationship. It wouldn't be fair to my wife, my new partner OR ME. Its not about sex either, someone is actually paying attention to me in a way I haven't felt in a long while and I enjoy it. I think it may be a little more but it makes you sit back and take an inventory of you heart and soul. I'll have to ride this wave out to see where it goes. I don't feel anything less about my wife but I shouldn't be thinking about anyone else. Period. Better said than done though. Thanks again for the replies

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It sounds that you and your wife are choosing to keep building your marriage, and keep keeping on. Imagine your wife feels so wonderful that you forgave her and want to stay with her. She obviously wants to stay with you. You sound pretty solid in your decision and are strong willed. In fact, you've obviously handled the news of the affair extremely maturely and commendably. Have you gotten any councel instead of being the strong one?


If you think of it in the light that the fleeting "emotional infidelity", the term Amethyst posted, that you will get pleasure from experience may last a few months or however long, the whole idea may sour on you. I am told that the most important thing is friendship after all (can you see growing old with your wife?). If you decided to go with this other younger woman, walls could pop up between you and your wife which could remain unexplained, eventually splitting and destroying both of you. You could end up left hanging out to dry by this new young fling. Your wife must love you enough to want to work it out. You are friends, unlike this younger woman.


Just more thoughts,



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