First lesbian sex date, only one way. Your thoughts?

[Future]

Hello,

 

This might be a weird question. I am asking because it didn't happen once but twice!

 

A little info: I've had two 'sexdates' with two different girls last week. I have been hurt so much in the past that I just don't want to commit anymore for a while. So every girl I meet I try to get into bed immediately. (I'm also a girl btw). The two dates I had were our first dates both at home.

 

First girl likes me, she didn't want to have sex so quickly because of that BUT she did do ME. I can understand she doesn't want to go 'all the way' because she likes me. Don't want to hurt her so I will be honest to her.

 

Second girl comes over as a true player, calls me 'baby' in our first text conversation. So when I was going to hers I was expecting she would 'open her legs' for me too, but she didn't. I tried a couple of times! But she didn't want me to. She did do ME, showed me all corners of the room. When I asked her why I can't do her, she just kept saying sorry, i just don't want to.. the first time. She tells me she likes to give.

 

 

I know this might be a luxury problem, but I'd like to know your thoughts. Why would a girl not want me to do her too? I understand you don't want to have sex the first time, but why do me then. I also like to give, so it just bothers me .. lol. Maybe i'm overthinking..

Anyone who is like those two girls?

[JJ2980]

Maybe they're not comfortable to share themselves in that way on the first meet up. Everyone has their comfort zone. I know you've been hurt but two girls in one week? C'mon! Maybe they want something more substantial than a quick roll in the hay. Btw I'm neither of these two. You wouldn't have been serviced by me and I wouldn't have let you touch me either. I hope these girls know they're a bit of fun.

[Future]

Hi JJ2980, thanks for your response.

Yes, I will always be honest about it. If i feel that they are looking for more, I will tell the truth. I won't lie. I guess I have issues..

 

And that sounds logical that they aren't comfortable yes.. It's just weird that they do 'service' me though.. Are you also a lesbian? You've never had the urge to just do ladies instead of wanting more? It has never worked out for me in two years, I've only been hurt whenever I fall for someone. And when I fall I give them everything, i don't care about money, time etc. Maybe that's why I always get hurt, I give too much. So I decided to stop doing that, I hope you understand and don't think bad of me.

[JJ2980]

Yup I'm a lesbian too. My last relationship ended 9 months ago ( my ex fell for a work colleague who was in a relationship with another girl they worked with - was totally messed up but I was fortunate not to have to see the after effect as I cut all contact soon after and have stuck to that which has helped the healing process). I was the nice one in my relationship infact my ex told me I was too nice. I scoff at that now. "My apologies for being too nice.lol. I'm so sorry I couldn't be a cheating whoring bad-a*se like you.lol." Anyway I've always felt like I'm not going to be the type to take my previous relationship baggage into the next so I opt to remain single until my healing is complete. I'm a pretty level-headed individual according to people who knows me. I don't bring drama. I don't believe in taking revenge against those who've hurt me. I just move on and hope like heck the next experience will be better. I'm optimistic like that lol.

 

As for you you remind me of other lesbians I know. They love to love but rush into relationships too fast and when it ends they come crashing down to earth with a heavy thud. They experience extremes in love and in despair. Sorry I don't mean to generalise and I really don't know you but you've got that feel about you. I understand it but I'm different. I don't think badly of you btw. I just think that as someone whose been hurt you should take care of others feelings a little more is all. And what you did isn't that shocking - I witnessed a friend being home 5 different people one week and that shocked me but we were only teens then so I've seen worse.

[Future]

You are very mature and seem to be able to handle being 'alone'. I understand what you mean and her argument of you being too nice is so invalid. I like people who don't bring drama. Me neither don't take revenge.. and you should keep it that way. I have great respect for people like you. But how can you stand not having sex and just being alone? Just wondering how you do it.. where you find satisfaction from.

 

I've also been too nice for years, I just learned by experience that life's a big game, wether you want it or not, people tend to like someone who aren't nice. People tend to put time in people who just aren't worth it. Women like bad women. I struggled with this so much, I didn't want to believe it but somehow its in our human nature to want something that's hard to get. What are your thoughts about this?

 

I know, I used to 'loathe' the lesbian scene because of this. Because of the 'players' and everyone is doing everyone. But I find that this is the only way to keep me sane. I just don't know what else to do to fill the void? I tried to be alone, I can be alone, but I have needs.. There's also a positive side about this, I will always keep meeting women and I am open for a relationship IF i find the one that suits me. But I don't want to go into one too fast anymore, it's time someone comes after me instead of the other way around. So I keep them on a distance by doing this, I get to know them but if they want to get to know me they have to work for it.

 

You are right, I do fall in love too easily and tend to move too fast. So right now I'm practicing to not fall so fast anymore. I feel like the only way to 'practice' this is if I have a couple of back ups. Am I ***ed up in my mind? lol..

[quirky]

To answer your thread title..from my experience people that prefer to give are usually insecure and feel that this is what they have to do to keep someone satisfied and interested. When it comes to receiving more things come to play; you need to feel trust/familiarity which only comes from consistency with a person. Receiving is more about handing over control whereas giving is about having control.

 

I've also been too nice for years, I just learned by experience that life's a big game, wether you want it or not, people tend to like someone who aren't nice. People tend to put time in people who just aren't worth it. Women like bad women. I struggled with this so much, I didn't want to believe it but somehow its in our human nature to want something that's hard to get. What are your thoughts about this?

 

This may be more evident in younger people. There are ways though to be nice but not a doormat. I personally don't agree with your statement, I never liked bad people. But I also don't like doormats that keep giving without taking stock of what they are receiving. If someone gives me 5 the MOST I am gonna give is 6, somewhere between 4 and 6 is healthy. Giving more is a sign of a desperate need to be liked and to keep the person close, which never works.

[JJ2980]

Yeah I am comfortable being alone. I genuinely enjoy my company. Plus I'm not really alone. I have friends and family to hang with. Part of the way I am is because of what I observed growing up with my ma. She couldn't be alone so she jumped from relationship to relationship and it was such an empty existence and I never felt like she was truly happy even when she was in a relationship so seeing that has shaped my views somewhat plus the mistakes she made in her relationships were the same things over and over. It's as if she never learnt from them. I put this down to (in part) not giving herself time to get over her last relationship before heading into the next one. I learn from experience even if its not my own. I know myself enough to know what I'm comfortable with or not. I, like you, believe in love but I'm not in a rush to have it again so soon. I've needed the time to self-evaluate and honestly assess where I could've improved. I may have been the innocent party in my last relationship but that doesn't mean I cant make changes. I'm not perfect by any means. I care about myself not to settle for anything less than a good relationship.

 

Do I get lonely? Of course! Does that mean I will fill up my time with nothing liaisons? No. I am nearly at a point where I can see myself entering the dating scene again but not just yet. I'm still healing and that'll take however long it needs. It would be unfair of me to date someone when I still have issues from my last relationship and I wouldn't do that to the next person I enter a relationship with. I couldn't. I'm not that selfish or uncaring.

 

Ahem as for needs I make up for it when I am in a relationship so going without for a little while is nothing. Try going without for a while and it's fantastic once you're in a relationship again lol. I don't think you're messed up. A little damaged perhaps but who isn't nowadays. It's the way of things unfortunately

[Future]

Hi quirky, thanks for your answer.

That also sounds logical. I'm kind of insecure sometimes too and I felt like there was some vibe I'm giving out that I need to be dominated or something. Don't like that.

 

As for the bad people thing, I understand and totally agree with what you just said. It's kind of what I meant too. They don't have to be "bad", but giving TOO much does come over as desperate and desperation is a turn off normally. I like what you said about when someone gives 5 you give no more than 6. I am gonna work on this!

 

 

 

 

 

How great to hear that you are learning from your mom. You're very much right and I do think that way too. I don't want to go from relationship to relationship either. I've actually been single for 2 years already. Sometimes I do date no one intentionally for a couple of months to find myself again. Somehow after 2-3 months I always meet someone to have sex with, so I haven't been without for longer than 3 months.

 

Have you not been with anyone since you've been single? Not even sex? (Am I getting too personal? ) Intentionally? How do you know when you're ready for it..

[JJ2980]

No I don't mind answering. I believe intimacies belong between me and someone I'm in a relationship with so no I don't do casual sex. A personal choice really. Not knocking anyone who chooses differently. Everyone has to be comfortable with their own decision-making. As for your last question I know when I know. Have I had the opportunity to date again? Yup but haven't felt ready. If it don't feel comfortable to me I just don't go there

[7thSign]

how can you stand not having sex and just being alone? Just wondering how you do

 

Ah, it's called a hand, or I'll let you use your imagination

 

I guess I just don't understand the principle of letting a random touch you. I've been accused of being 'cold', but I'm down with that if it prevents me from becoming enmeshed in another drama, or worse, compromising myself. I think here, prevention is the cure. As you get older, you realise that a bit of restraint, and in my case, patience, trust and investigation is probably a good thing

 

As for the scene, I'm not sure that it has much to offer me. Maybe I'm just not opening myself up completely. I generally have the idea that I will meet that amazing and beautiful someone while living my everyday life. It could be at a bus stop, 7 11, a nightclub (but highly doubtful, seeing as I rarely go! Lol), or at work. Work would be the best place!