akm12345 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 It's been 3 days since I left my highly abusive and violent partner I know I have made the right desicion but there's times of the day I feel so down? Any advice on how to stop myself going back there? I know myself he will never change but my emotions are everywhere now always think about the few good times instead of the many bad times. Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 I went through the same thing. I made a list if all the awful and abusive events and kept it in my pocket so everytime I started thinking about missing him I pulled it out and read it. After a while I started to associate him ONLY with the violence and abuse. It's a long road but you will get through this, it's hard because most people who have never been in an abusive relationship don't understand the roller coaster of emotions you will go through in the process of the break up. Just try to remember there are nice guys out there and you deserve more. Link to comment
akm12345 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 Yeah I have made a little list and it is helping. My daughter is also a big help in realising I need to keep out of it! I just hope that time really is a healer. Link to comment
lerenard Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 don`t you ever go back there, please! abusive man can never change! even if they will find someone new, and they will behave good at first, any mistake will lead them to abuse again and again. I was there, and I went back sooo many times. It almost ended in grave for me and in jail for him. He pursued me and threatened me for a year after I left, and he still shows his nose in my life till now! Its been 4 years since we broke up! So please just stay away from your abusive man! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 It is quite often easier to recall the goodness from an abusive relationship , rather then the abuse , the pain , the tears and the hell you go through ...especially as you have walked away , it is all huge to deal with . abusive people usually have a beautiful side ..that part we fall for before we realise ..so its stands to reason that you will grieve that side and it's ok to do that ..it is no different from the ending of a none abusive realtionship in that respect ..we miss and grieve for that love we had together . adding to this is when we walk away , we then have to process what went on ..and in the silence of the aftermath of an abusive relationship we start to reflect . We look at how this happened , why it happened ...we see those nice moments and wonder why it couldn't have stayed that way ....you have so much that I imagine your poor mind is trying to sort out right now . so just for a minute as your reading this , relax and accept that it is normal , it is expected and it is healthy to be having the confusing emotions that you are having . ..just accept ..don't fight it ..you have to be kind to yourself darling ... when a man has hit us , spat at us , kicked us down , mentally dragged us into hell , we HAVE to have time to heal ..you are only on day 3 ... It is so painful to face the reality of what they do to us that I understand it is often easier to be with them for those few moments of love because it takes away the abuse they gave us ... you have to fight for yourself now ...you deserve a man who wants to stroke your skin , not punch it , you deserve personal freedom , not to be walking on egg shells , you deserve to be you , not to be dictated to ... and you have just made the first step to a freedom that you will embrace with such happiness once you have grieved for this . 24 hours after I dumped the most abusive man I have ever met I put on the shortest skirt I had, a pair of high heeled knee length boots and shook my ass all the way round the city centre like a princess hahahah silly I know ..but it was that freedom ...because I COULD ..its my ass and if I wanna shake it I will . your life will get better in ways you can't imagine ..its all there waiting for you xx be strong girl xxx Link to comment
JJ2980 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 You're lonely. That's natural. Hope more for yourself cause you deserve better than someone who has no respect for you. Link to comment
KyleS Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Never let him back. Nobody who so much as lays a violent finger on you even once deserves you or everything you are. You mustn't let him back for your daughter's sake as well; what if he were to do anything to her? What about the emotional scar it has not just left on you, but your daughter, already? Don't give in to him. I don't care what he feels or what he says, someone who does this to you has lost all chance, expectation or right to ever expect you back. You mustn't ever go back to this man; it's falling into a trap to do so. Be strong and don't be controlled by him! You might let a lot of people control you right now, but do not let him do it. Be strong. You can do it! We will support you! Call a domestic abuse line as others have suggested if you haven't; heck, call the police if you have to because burglary has most surely got to be a crime where you live. Get restraining orders as others have suggested. If in the worst case these individuals or actions can't help you and you have to move, far away, consider it, for your daughter and your own sake! I can assure you that a lot more people will want you than that disgrace of a human being who has been doing this. I can think of no one who would want a man like him, and a lot of people who would want someone as courageous and great a human being as yourself. You aren't alone and everyone here will support you, but so will domestic abuse lines and the authorities, more than you could imagine! You will find someone, I promise, and they will not so much as lay a finger on you unless it possesses the gentle velocity of a snail. Most people should never so much as do a fraction of what he did even on one single occasion, and anyone who does is undeserving of your love or respect! You will find the one! You have already shown that you are a brave person! It's brave to realise and to take that step to kick someone out! Link to comment
NIN2000 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 You should never allow yourself to be abused physically or verbally by anyone! Do not under any circumstance ever go back to that person. Naturally you will have a time period of grief and reflection and in these moments you will conjure all the positive aspects of that person but you shouldn’t forget why you left him. I highly advise you to seek therapy as you need to decompress and learn from your mistakes. I wish you well and I hope that you find what you are looking for…. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Did you call the domestic abuse hotline that we told you to call in your last thread? That will go a long way to helping you and people can direct you to support in your own community. You have to get support and counseling so you don't go back to this man or another man just like him. You have to build up your self-esteem and your core values. Core values are what you believe about yourself. If you don't build these up you'll become a target again for somebody else. You also cannot teach self-esteem to your daughter if you don't know what it is. I'm being completely and utterly serious here get some therapy so you don't end up in a situation like this again. There's no need to be ashamed there's no need to be afraid. Most often counselors in domestic abuse have been victims of domestic abuse themselves and they know exactly how you feel. No one is going to shame you ,no one it's going to judge you. But it is very critical that you get help. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Also too what would you tell your daughter if she was in a relationship like this? What advice would you give to her? Take the advice you would give to her and follow it. Link to comment
akm12345 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 Yes I have rung the domestic violence line again. I'm still unsure how to feel its day 4 now and he is making me feel yet again like I should feel guilty for destroying our family. I honestly begin to believe sometimes that it is my fault all this has happened. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 What you had was not a family dear. Do not take his calls. Block all his calls. Block ALL contact and get a restraining order. Link to comment
akm12345 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 Need to be strong I will get through this! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Yes I have rung the domestic violence line again. I'm still unsure how to feel its day 4 now and he is making me feel yet again like I should feel guilty for destroying our family. I honestly begin to believe sometimes that it is my fault all this has happened. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT ..... I FELT LIKE THAT I AM SHOUTING SO YOU HEAR ME we ALL feel like that ....wait until you look back on this then you will know ..it's only 4 days now ..and that is not long enough to get over what you went through .. one day you will say ...ahh that lot on that forum where right .....stay strong ... this is the aftermath of abuse ....YOU CAN DO THIS XXX Link to comment
KyleS Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Yes I have rung the domestic violence line again.Great! I'm still unsure how to feel its day 4 now and he is making me feel yet again like I should feel guilty for destroying our family.On the contrary, you have saved it. You have saved yourself and your daughter. I honestly begin to believe sometimes that it is my fault all this has happened.No. That argument lost all credibility when he hit you. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are, you don't hit someone. Whatever you did or didn't do, nobody has the right to hit you over it, and the moment he did, he lost all right to blame you for anything. It's his fault. Link to comment
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