Why Don't Men Call After They Say/Insist They Will?

[quidproquo]

Why Don't Men Call After They Say/Insist They Will?

 

Hello All~

 

I'm just curious if men take things a bit slower than women?

Do you guys not like to 'talk'?

Why do you say you'll call but don't?

Do you like it when the girl calls you?

 

For instance, I gave a guy/classmate I'm interested in my number. We see each other twice a week after night classes and have gotten coffee, movie and dinner but haven't hung out for a month now. I've wanted him to call so we can just…talk, get to know each other better. I often hint this to him and he's insisted that he will give me a call sometimes yet I haven't received a phone call. We've known each other for two months & talk in class. He also works full time but I'm guessing that if he's interested, he'd make the time right?

 

Some feedback from a few men out there would be appreciated. Ladies if you've been in a similar situation feel free to shed some light on the matter.

 

For more in depth coverage of my dilemma, I posted another post concerning the same guy:

link removed

 

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[Recovering_Lover]

hmmm...I call becoz I love talking on the phone. But I realized, that I'm the odd one out or somehting, most guys don't like talking or something.....so ??

 

I would guess, any guy who in interested in a girl would call?

 

Really, there is no specfic reason you can find..it'll be all speculation...so the best thing is be direct?

 

R.L.

[gersanos]

It depends on interest if it's a new girl. I meet a girl once and she kept chasing me like crazy after we went out once. I'd say I call her, but never did. Our first date sucked in my opinion, but after she kept running accidentily into me at school all the time, coming up to talk with me, and text messaging online, I figured, what the heck, I have nothing else going for me and went out with her a second time, which I'm very glad I did b/c things took off between us then.

 

For me, I was not as interested because on our first date we were at a party and she got high, and just sat there all night quietly, then went home early. She was very interested in me, but she smokes weed and is a shy girl in general - both of which are turn offs for me. I blab too much and don't do drugs. But then she stopped getting high all of the sudden for me, and started to warm up conversation wise. Today we're not together anymore and shes back to getting high.

 

I always tell friends I'll call, but rarely do when I say I'll call. It's not intentional. I'll make plans with about 10 different people for Friday night during the week. Then when Friday comes, I end up doing something totally different. My friends know that this is me, and they don't take it personally. They don't wait around for me or anything like that. They have there plans and simply invite me to tag along if I wish.

 

Oh. One more thing. It's also part of a game. I never call a girl right away either. I make her sweet it. It may sound cruel, but it builds interest beyond belief. We talk once and I'll say I'll call you this weekend, but usually don't, or I'll call at some strange time when I know shes at work or school and leave a message, then when she calls back I won't answer and I'll go out with friends. Next thing you know I'm being chased around, and that does not build up my interest in the girl, but merely strokes my ego. Could be what he's doing with you.

 

On a side note - are you a poly sci major, and/or planning on attending law school? Props for the Latin name, didn't catch that at first.

[yogaroots]

I always call when i saw I will, especially when I'm interested in her. The only time I don't is if I'm very busy. j

[Double J]

There are some guys who are like that, but there are also girls who are flakes. They say they'll call and they don't. Usually this happens because the person is busy or forgot to call. But if a person forgets to call over a period of a week or more then maybe that person's interest level is not too high yet. If one is really interested, they'll call, but a lot of people like to be chased. Sometimes it's just hard to differentiate between not being interested and playing hard to get.

[quidproquo]

Thanx everyone!

 

Loved your responses! The things that make men tick truly is peculiar and your objective insights are helpful.

 

Sheyda~

This guy is as mature as they get so I believe there's something else that's keeping him from calling me. But in general, I do agree with you – the younger males tend to 'play' too much.

 

Recovering_Lover~

"call becoz I love talking on the phone. But I realized, that I'm the odd one out or somehting, most guys don't like talking or something.....so?"

 

Yes, you are a rare one. All my guy friends would much rather talk in person than over the phone [maybe that's his philosophy?]. The longest phone calls they usually make are under five minutes. And, I'm still debating whether I should be direct or not. I'm an intense person and often play on my emotions so we'll see…

 

gersanos~

You are hilarious, thanx for your short story. You bring up some very interesting points and I agree with them. It's somewhat disappointing that men grow tired so easily but a new girl will automatically perk their interest…well, I guess you could say that about most girls too, can't you?

 

"It's also part of a game… Could be what he's doing with you."

I had a suspicion that he'd like to portray himself as…mysterious. Well, this tactic definitely worked – it's definitely got my interest. However, I've also been feeling ready to give up. Sort of like – maybe I should get the hint [if any] by now? So, guys if this is your method don't play it too long.

 

-No, I'm not majoring in those fields. I have taken Law however

 

yogaroots~

Aww, I wish he had your mindset!

 

Double J~

Yes, of course, this could be looked at from the guy's point of view and I'm sorry if you've ever met one of those 'flaky' girls. I actually will not accept the phone number or give mine out if I know indeed I'm not interested.

"Sometimes it's just hard to differentiate between not being interested and playing hard to get."

Thanx for the words of encouragement from a different perspective! *laugh* This is very true however.

I don't play games, period. I'm straight-forward and go after what I want but I won't push. So, if I want to be able to differentiate, should I push?

 

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[gersanos]

No, I'm not majoring in those fields. I have taken Law however

 

Just was wondering b/c it's very common in law (and poly sci I would imagine). Didn't know if that's where you got it from.

 

Best of luck to you with this guy though. If I were you I'd give it maybe one more shot. If nothing happens of it, then fall back. It's hard to tell exactly what it is. It can be either (1) his interest (2) he has a gf (3) he does it only to get his ego stroked (4) hes playing games (5) he's actually shy (6) he's dumb or (7) some unsolved mystery. He has your number right?

 

I don't think you should "push." But then, what exactly is "pushing?" Are you saying that you are going to keep chasing him/asking him out?

 

If that's the case then one of two things happen: [1] he bails based on (1) and (2) mentioned above, or [2] he begins to fall for you based on (1- there have been times when I was not that interested in a girl, but through her persistence and me giving her a chance I began to really like her/fall for her/get lots of interest), or (4) or (5).

 

(6) & (7) won't help much here.

 

I always say that if you have a crush, then you go for it, but there is only so much that you can do before you keep getting disappointed. Member, he's gotta give you something for something. Ok, now this is chessey. Good luck!

[quidproquo]

gersanos~

'quid pro quo' contains my name: Qui D. and I also like the phrase so it was a perfect fit for me.

 

Anyhow, thanx again for your reply. I don't feel I've been 'pushing'. I've left the option of hanging out over the weekends open twice so far and never mentioned it if he didn't call.

 

We're both single. He ended his relationship a year ago and I ended mine a year and a half ago. He has my number

 

I want to give this issue one more shot but I don't have a strategic plan as to how I should proceed in asking him on a date. I mean, where should I suggest we go? A movie? I often see the movies that come out in theatres with my close friends. And it seems awkward for me to imply that we should go out to dinner...he pick me up, he pay [i'm not suggesting guys should pay all the time but he's a gentleman so he'll expect to], etc. Do you guys feel put on the spot if a girl asks you out?

 

Anyone have any suggestions on what I should suggest to him?

 

I might just be setting myself up for further dissappointment but today, during class, he had to leave early [some work project]. He didn't have to inform me but did anyway. Before he left, he asked if I was going to be ok walking alone to my car. I don't know if this meant anything or he's just a caring person in general?

 

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[gersanos]

I say you ask him out to something fun. I don't suggest movies/dinner, but that's me. Dinner is always a good thing - everyone's gotta eat ya know? But a movie is counter-intuitive to a first date (first few dates). - you go and sit there with the other person but don't know what to do with your arms and stuff, and it does not allow for communication. I usually like to do things that are fun for the first few dates. Something that is comfortable, and that allows for talking and getting to know the other person. Do something totally social were you are around other people the whole time and having fun, but towards the evening away from all of that.

 

Don't bring up anything about him paying. Nothing about who's paying for what. He should know that he's supposed to. I like it if a girl offers to pay, but I end up covering in the end. Also, some people like the idea of splitting it - I mean, who wants to pay for a complete stranger? It depends on how you look at the first few dates. I feel as if money is already being discussed between 2 people that early about who's paying for what, then...

[cryingeyez]

HI, i really need some help. I am new here, I really need to know what to do. I have been talking to this guy now for about a month. (I am married) The guy that i am talking to knows that he can call me at work . he knwos that what time I get off work and he cant call me when i get home because duh i will be with my husband. He has acted ver interested in me. we have not wenta ll the way yet. He tells me that he does not care if i call him everytime i get a chance. When I asked him if he was sure he said "yes" call when you can as long as your husband is not around,. He acts interested when i see him, but not calling me makes me think he is not interested. i call him maybe 10 times a day, and he says he was really busy or sleeping. what shlould I do? should i back off or what . please help me i feel as thought it drives me crazy!!

[Grokker]

Cryingeyez,

 

I'd have a lot of reasons not to call someone who was (1) married and (2) calling me ten times a day in spite of that.

 

Even if I were very attracted to a married woman, and even if she were unhappy in her marriage... I'd be very cautious. There's no telling where it will go. What if I let myself fall for her, and then she has a change of heart and decides she wants to make her marriage work? Then where would I be? It could all get very messy.

 

Another thing about married people of the opposite sex who want to cheat on their spouses to be with you... it's hard to trust them. I mean, if someone's cheating on her husband to be with me, can I ever be 100% sure that she'd never cheat on me with someone else if we were together? It suggests a history of behavior, whether that's actually true or not.

 

Calling someone you're interested in 10 times a day when they aren't returning your calls is a totally different problem by itself. It's absolutely sure to make them less interested in you. You've got to make them want to be with you, not be in their face all the time.

 

I'd say you need to settle things with your marriage first. If you've decided it's never going to work for you, leave and get a divorce. Until you do that, even a guy who really likes you will think twice before getting involved with you. And in this case, I'd say you definitely should back off.