quidproquo

*laugh, isn't it funny (actually not) that "different" people find each other "different"? So then they ostracize themselves further? "more helpful than my shrink" I did find it odd, but didn't want to say anything because I'm no expert, that your shrink called you "unusual" (or that your mind was). Well, duh - pyschology! But I'm sure they have some good advices for you. It's a matter of looking at them in a different light. Wow, you've got something most people don't - loving parents! You talk to them about any of the things you chat with your psych? Anyhow, Your degree - does your career deal directly with people? Since you hate the courses you take - look into what interests you that doesn't directly involve people. You good at computers? What's in between studying and partying at college? You don't like either so you'll do nothing?

Hi arrowbee! I'm beginning to understand more and more of where you're coming from. Your biggest change and reason for self loath is your move to a new environment. And the only garbage in your head are your current views about yourself. "My tastes in music, art, literature and politics are SO different from anyone else my own age that I have trouble finding things to talk about with people." Are you interested in befriending someone who doesn't share your interests? Use your 'connections' to connect with others. You can learn from each other. Well, if not and you know that people within your age group doesn't have similar tastes, find people within the age group you KNOW have similar views. Kind of a 'duh' huh? I know it's easier said than done though. Do you chat online - it's easier to talk to people when you're not face to face. And before you submit a joke about yourself, you can select & delete. Are you going to school? And you mentioned that you haven't earned a dime in 8 months - how dedicated are you in trying? How did you obtain jobs in the past...maybe you can apply those skills. Makes sense that if you don't have a job, you won't have a car right - or $ to hang out and get the chance to get 2 know others. And regarding the whole girlfriend issue – you'll be rejected a number of times before you find the right one or someone. I'm beginning to learn that's a fact of life. However, do you feel ready for a relationship while you still have such strong doubts in yourself? Why do you put your face out there for others to slap? You're so use to the negative self-criticism that you inadvertently seek for more. Do people really spit in your face by coming up and stating you're 'disgusting'? Or is that another of your perceptions? You're pretty smart in realizing that your sense of 'humor' is a defense mechanism so why can't you acknowledge this is a very self destructive path?

I'm with sonic101 & Balthamos. People don't change; they only reveal who they really are. So, try as you might, you can disguise the surface but later down the road, you'll reveal yourself. You hate the way you talk or think – why? Do you talk negatively or think cruelly about others? Some people would love to have your obsessive eye for detail – detectives, designers or builders for instance. Do you hate your sense of humor because no one laughs? So what? At least you can still have something to joke or make light about. It's always healthy to have a good laugh. And, ok, so you say the wrong things at the wrong time – I do it all the time but knowing so is the first step to improving the saying "think before you talk." What tastes do you dislike? Who are you trying to impress – others or yourself?Are these personality "defects" affecting your life: can't get a job, car, girlfriend? How are your hand gestures 'weird' – are you throwing gang signs? Facial tics are normal in a selection of people – it's acquired during childhood, when you have no control. I'm sure your shyness and tics go hand in hand but if people can't get past that, they need to grow up. Do you interact with a number of people - at your work maybe? That might help with your shyness. If you really want "to find a way to cut loose [your] current personality," do something about it not just mope around and finding further reasons to hate yourself. --- Take it easy, life's only stressful if you make it so.

Hi kh7~ Just a few questions: Are you friends or still in contact with your ex? If so, your boyfriend is rightly worried because your former lover still carries a torch for you. During the 2 months before you met your new beau, did you get a chance to truly be alone? Although your former relationship was rocky, do you feel you had enough time to further distance yourself and void any lingering feelings for him? Your current boyfriend doesn't feel you've given yourself enough time to sort out your emotions. New loves will definitely, but temporarily, perk our interest. But maybe a relationship isn't the solution to your happiness. ---

canonman~ "I think that you should only send that if you can stick to the NC. If you are 100% sure you don't want to communicate anymore, send it" ocean9 took the words right out of my head. It's always good to put a little distance between your thought and actions. Also, if you send this assertion with other intensions, you are not allowing her to move on, which contradicts your selfless act. Emmylu is right in asking "is it necessary?" You still care deeply for her to put your time, thought and effort into this video did you not? However, looking not from your point of view, does she really need it? Do you expect any other response from her than "That's good for you"? Then again, you are in the stage of 'moving on', not quite where she is yet. It appears that it further pains you to communicate with her because it doesn't give you the closure you so desparately seek. So, if you feel you will continue to hurt if you do not give her this ultimatum, she'll understand. I'm sure she'd love to see you happy too. You stated that you're sending the video message "just to tell her we need to stop communicating now that she's in a new relationship." Well, I think this was being established when you two "said on the phone the other day we weren't sure how much communication we can have now." I'm wondering if she was the one to hint this topic because she suspects your relationship is not platonic? If your breakup was mutual, you would not have to feel you need to submit this video or a need to establish a goodbye with her. Do you not trust Him enough to heal you? Believe in Him even when He is silent. He will give recognition to your prayers eventually. And, even if it doesn't seem to be answered, He would have answered them in His own way. Have faith that He has a plan for you. ~qd ---

I saw the devestation on the news yesterday and I was in utter disbelief. All I could do was count my blessings. My heart also goes out to those who know or have lost someone over there. May the Lord be with you tonight. Sometimes I doubt You, Because You would allow something to happen to me that I felt I didn't deserve. But then I realize You would never give me anything I couldn't handle. ~qd

Hi ksk0_0!~ You have every right to be 'overprotective' and 'wondering.' Not to sound pessimistic or anything but I find it rather peculiar that your girlfriend didn't mention you or your relationship while she's chit chatting with Mr. MSN the few weeks before he asked her out. If I were him and saw potential for a date, I'd definitely ask. thereforeeee, she should have closed that window of opportunity immediately if your relationship is important to her. Wouldn't you be proud to mention your girlfriend if you haven't seen a long lost friend in 3 years? I don't know what "random stuff" they talk about but I would definitely have the suspicion of flirting. It also doesn't add up if she declined his advances and then "hung out" with him. Sounds to me like she's already beginning to ditch you, ksk0_0. Has she informed Mr. MSN of you while she's 'hanging out' with him? Does that sound fair that she doesn't have the common courtesy to perform the simple task of mentioning you? Is she afraid he [her friend] might not be around after doing so? Hmm... ---

Armyguy3682003~ It's truly understandable to seek closure since, from your post, you didn't receive any explanation from her. But you have to face the fact that she's with someone new and there is no 'second chance'. How much closure do you want – will the day when she says 'I don't want anything to do with you' be enough? Will finally putting your face out there for her to slap put an end to your agony? WAKE UP! You're better than this! You don't need to lower yourself to "investigate" her life. You deserve someone who's willing to reciprocate as much effort as you're putting out. Dwelling on her is easy but find the strength to let go! The only thing that is holding you back is the lack of confidence you have in yourself to know you will and can find someone better. You already know that she's missing out so cling onto that love for yourself and say 'I don't need this!' You truly believe that she'll come back to you if you send this letter or anything else you can try, don't you? Well, if you feel that it's too exhausting to silently deal with your feelings then go ahead, send the letter; I have a feeling you don't need anyone to prompt you into doing so. However, you should address it honestly with her and let her know how her actions hurt you instead of pleading. She's already made up her mind to move on so no amount of begging on your part will win her back. I also don't feel it'll help your situation any better if you supplicate and find every excuse to gain back her affection. If she's not going to reciprocate your efforts, is it really worth it to put yourself through the torture of wondering 'When will she call to let me know I'm all she'll ever need?' You're at such a low in your life that you're actually beseeching to her: "I hope he treats you with respect, is romantic in the things he does and takes care of you like I did and goes the extra mile." "I feel that I make you happy, laugh and smile as well. I know I make you happy, don't I and make you smile? I know that we have fun together; I can see it in your eyes and in your beautiful smile." Some people don't decide on one relationship based on another so is it necessary to point out what she had with you? She already knows what she had [or is missing] – yet SHE'S NO LONGER WITH YOU. What does that tell you? She's not at a confused state or giving you mixed messages/signals so why are you still grasping at that little spark you think is hope? You're only setting yourself up for a world of disappointments if you continue on this path. "I always went the extra mile for you." Is being with someone out of guilt what you want from her? "I've never felt like this before for anyone in the past." I feel all alone without you, because we had a lot of laughs and great times together." Don't you feel the feelings you're carrying is just a result of finally realizing what you had when you no longer have it? Doesn't that remind you of a familiar quote by people who've been there, done that? "I don't want to loose you in my life and just enjoy being around you, even if it is your friend." There's no such thing as 'just friends' when you have the expectation of a relationship in the future. And, you might indefinitely 'lose her' if you insistently try to make her realize what a great guy she's missing out on. If you can even begin to convince her how wonderful you are, why can't you convince yourself that? Take time away from her - the longer you go without her, the better you'll feel about yourself. It'll just be another blow to your self-esteem if she doesn't respond the way you want her to. I still want you to know that I am still here for you anytime you need me, I'm just a phone call away. That's what friends are for..." NO! That's what her current relationship is there for. I truly believe in finding closure so that you can move on with your life but do just that: obtain the information you're seeking and then try to MOVE ON. If she has, why don't you feel you should too? You deserve to! ---

Flyenzo~ Why are you so apprehensive to follow your heart? What are you afraid of jeopardizing? Love shouldn't be hesitated or stressfull. Stop letting the contained emotions eat you alive. Be proud of it. She's kidding about the whole thing but women often appreciate feeling special so let her know how much she means to you. ---

Hello asdfjkl~ I can't say I agree with ticklebug because we all experience emotions differently, especially love, something that can't be measured. Yours just seem to be in the process of blossoming. Like you said you've "never been in love ever" but "never liked anyone so much." I personally dislike when others tell me how or what I'm feeling so I say take a dive and tell her. In the end, you'll know that you made a leap with your heart and was honest with her. C'mon, stop biting your tongue and just go for it. State exactly how she makes you feel. I know you might feel like you're rushing things or jumping the gun but why play the guessing game? Don't keep it all bottled up, find out if she has similar feelings. If she feels the same way, your diving was worth it but if she doesn't than is the relationship worth it? ---

Definitely follow through with the hug (make it a big one though, not just a pat-on-the-back hug) tiger_lilies~ That is so sweet! Just gives me butterflies thinkin' about a charming man doing that to me.

gab444~ I have to side with Tea on this one. Alcohol shouldn't be an excuse. But your ex should make it clear to you - no more contact instead of messing with your head like that. Just continue to do what you've always done - turn to Him for strength & forgiveness! ---

gab444~ Hi! I'm going to be quite objective... I'm still a bit unclear as to why your relationship ended...Did you force yourself on her? It sounds like you care deeply for this girl and from what you said "I had a little to drink' - I don't believe you were that drunk to have lost your mind and hurt her. She was sober right? She should've respected your morals about 'pre marital sex' the first time you came to her about your unease. I also think you should've made it your priority to stress your point and make it clear since it was important to you. If she was sober the night you lost yourself to her, and you didn't force her, she should have put a little more effort into stopping you instead of degrading you & calling you names afterwards. "i feel all the guilt in the world and dont know if i can forgive my self bcos i betrayed her trust" If you did force her then you should feel guilty! Anyhow, it sounds like you shouldn't waste your time stressing over this girl. She: * Doesn't trust you enough to come to you when there's a problem ["her mum's always the first to hear about everything"] * Puts you down by "coming up with something" and makes you feel like a 'monster' * Doesn't respect your wishes/requests when you confide in her * Immediately hooks up with someone new and becomes "intimate with the guy" * Calls you only when her relationship is in trouble & at her convenience [they're on a break] * Ditches you when her bf is back in town * Which shows she's quite selfish * Is very confused: confides in you, then degrades you, says she loves you, but is with someone else... Will you be content in dating someone like that again? I don't wish to paint your ex girlfriend in a bad light or anything but that's my conclusion after reading your post. It sounds like she got what she wanted from you, you're of no use to her any longer and moves on. I also think 'time' [away from any relationship] is what she really needs because she's quite confused about what she wants and it doesn't sound like her current relationship is working out so well... I would take her advice to "stop calling" if you don't wish further heart/headache. ---

tisd~ If your guy is mature, he should be direct and let you know. What are you 'nervous' about? Stop playing the guessing game and confront him. Someone has got to forsake the coward role in this relationship. If you're stressing out about missed calls/dates & his feelings, ask yourself if the relationship is worth it. Think about it. Would you continue to call someone if you're not interested? ---

Never Let Down~ The problem is is that you don't appreciate what you have now. I truly believe in the saying 'happiness is wanting what you have.' So, why aren't you happy with what you've got? ~A truly great friend that will be there longer than any relationship you'll have now at age 15. Dwelling over this will only put a damper on your day and maybe even push her away "But, can't anything happen?" Well, I don't know the answer to this nor will I give you the one you want. In the meantime, "respect her choice" and just be the bestest friend she'll ever have. I gaurantee you you'll receive the love you deserve even if it isn't the romantic love you so desperately seek. Nothing tangible and intangible lasts forever except...God [-o ---