think of her all the time, but don't want to be with her!!

[kantore]

hey I have a general question for you. Do you find yourself thinking about an ex that you have not been with in years and have no desire to be with? I ask because I think of my ex almost everyday and often times several times a day.....and even though I don't want to be with her, I have no desire because I know she is not what I need. I am certain I do not need her because her actions truly dictate who she is and how she is!! Just wanted to get some input on this and see if this happens to anybody else.

[studmaster3265]

well it happens, if anything you keep thinking of her becuase you miss her. Heck you can even say you still have feelings inside yoru just confusing it with something else. Sometimes you should just try to give in, you know maybe call her up see what she has been up too and see were it goes from there. It happens to me but unlike my Ex wnats nothing to do with me

[hockeyboy]

Well first of all your picture sucks..haha

 

and even though I want to be with her

 

i'm assuming you meant to write "don't want"

 

There are a few girls i think about every single day of my life but do not want to be with them. The girl i dated for 4 years and the most recent ex whom i loved deeply

 

I think about them, but its not bad. You know how when you are first going through a breakup and they are all you can think about and you hate it cause it hurts you so badly? Well its not like that. I think about them but it does not hurt me.

 

My father told me that when you are in love w/ someone you give them a part of your soul as they give you theirs. This is why you will always think about them and they will think about you. I was skeptical about this,but its true. They will always think about you, maybe even every day as well. When you have a strong connection w/ someone, you cant just erase it all, you can't erase all the memories.

[sayer7]

hockeyboy makes a good point about having a connection. I had a deep connection with one of my ex's and I still do even though we'd been broken up since (1999). In 2003 I had to soul search to figure out why I kept thinking about him because it was affecting my new relationships. My ex is a special forces soldier and had been abroad on mission for 2 years after 9/11. We met as friends a few months after he returned and he'd said "You know, we're perfect for each other..." I was just beginning a new relationship at that point and I turn him down, but I realized I'd waited years for my ex to simply realize we'd been perfect for each other. I'd spent our whole relationship trying to show him that we had been perfect for each other and when he hadn't figured it out after so many years I broke up with him. It took him 4 years AFTER THE FACT to figure it out. However it was his mere acknowledgement that helped me find inner peace and to move on with my life. I still think of him everyday, but it's not in terms of "What if..." anymore. It's more in terms of "Thank-you. I wish you well."

 

All I'm saying is that sometimes a connection can be amplified if you have issues yet to be resolved with that person. You might want to soul search to figure out what you'd needed your ex to say or do in order to help you find closure, let go of the past, and move forward again.

[kantore]

hockeyboy, thanks for catching the typo. I just fixed it...anyway you are right. I no longer have anything that she gave me, and have no pictures of her left. But even though there is nothing physical about her to remind me of her, there is nothing I can do to erase the memories!! Lastly your team sucks!! All I have to say bout my Raiders is 1st round draft pick!

[San123]

My father told me that when you are in love w/ someone you give them a part of your soul as they give you theirs. This is why you will always think about them and they will think about you.

 

I like that...

[TrueHeart]

Well, my friend.. I honestly think that you do just miss the companionship. Plainly put, you are in love with who SHE WAS, not who SHE IS-- thats what you keep hanging on to. Its sad, I do that too with Adam-- I miss the companionship, but ultimately, I know I'm better off without him.

 

The lingering still will be there, I think , because you loved her so deeply before, kinda leaves a scar.. I still care about my first, and I still do have feelings for Adam-- but again, I know he's not good for me either, just doesn't stop the feelings inside. I just miss what we had: the companionship.

 

The only remedy to that problem, my friend, is honestly to try to date other women more. I know you had one girl that was in your life for a bit, but you'll need someone that can commit as much as you. Believe it or not, they're out there! Miss chatting with you...!!

[gersanos]

you are in love with who SHE WAS, not who SHE IS

 

This is absolutely true. When my first love broke my heart, I wanted her back so bad. Well, we went on a few dates about a month or so after we broke up, and, in a sense, I got some peace of mind. She was not the same person that she was when we were together before. I still missed the way she was, but knew that I this would never work after going on a few dates after we broke up.

 

I know for certain that that's what I'm now doing with my X who was my second love. I want her back, but, I know that things would not be the same, and what I really miss is for us to go back to what things used to be like. We've been broken up for 3 months almost, and whenever I have seen her in public, I get reminded that I do not want her back.

 

A lot of what I do miss is the companionship. After all, we were in a serious relationship & we were best of friends when we were together. We break up, and although I do know that it is for the better, there is this void in my life. It gets better with time, focusing on my life, hanging out with friends, and flirting/going out on casual dates. I know for myself that I have healed as much as I can at this point. The rest will go away when I meet that next special someone.

 

Plus, I think it's only human to miss someone that you have shared so many times with, especially when you 2 had many good times together. In the end though, it's just this mind trick that gets played - you know it won't work out or whatever, but you still yearn for what used to be.