18 after 18

[Nugs]

Hi all

 

I have not been on here for a good while, but have been reading a few posts lately to see how people are getting on. My girlfriend and I had an 18 year relationship in which I was very happy, but she obviously wasn't and left me for someone else. It was like being hit by a train I just didn't see coming. Whether or not I should have done is another matter.

 

Anyway it's been 18 months since the breakup and I am ok. I'm seeing someone else who is fantastic and I care for very much, but have been honest with her that I don't love her. I am still struggling with my feelings for my ex. On the face of it I feel very angry and bitter, but in certain moments I still feel massive pangs of love and regret. Obviously I keep them to myself but I'm sure she wonders why I am a bit quiet sometimes. I know I really should have held off dating for longer, and I expect there is an element of weakness in me for letting someone else fill the void, but you know what? I honestly don't think I could have coped without the fun and validation she gave me. I suppose I'm saying that my brain knows these things but I also had to deal with my broken heart and I can't apologise for that.

 

What do you guys think? I know you'll give it to me straight!!

 

Nugs

[SAB77]

You say you're being honest to her, but are you really? Saying 'I don't love you' can be interpreted as "I don't love you --- yet". Also you obviously don't tell her about the "massive pangs of love and regret" as you think she must be wondering why you're quiet at times. This can only go on if you are (brutally!) honest with her and tell her she's your rebound, nothing more, nothing less. If she still sticks around... well, than either she's using you as a rebound/void-filler as well, or she needs to work on her self-esteem issues as she's missing a massive red flag.... you're just not that into her and not emotionally available.

[DerekJason]

this happened to me on a smaller scale, was with the second to last ex for five years, got let go and was crushed, met the last ex two months after, i told her similar things like you did, she still hung around, i was very confused, got a bunch of "what are we?" talks, brushed em off, she still hung around, until the last one (2 years after initially meeting) when i decided yes lets be together, after that i put in zero extra effort, 7 mths later she was gone, and i realized i had lost a very special girl.

 

My only advice is, leave now and save both yourselves the time and headache, or move on from the past and man-up with this current girl.

[sharky988]

You're still in love with your ex. You shouldn't be dating anyone else, period.

 

It's not fair to use someone to get over someone else!

[DerekJason]

You're still in love with your ex. You shouldn't be dating anyone else, period.

 

It's not fair to use someone to get over someone else!

 

FOLLOW THIS!!!!!, or it prob will end in disaster.

[markie6]

Yeah have to agree and as gently as I can put it... Obvious Vampire is obvious. People don't like it when they are used.... and I know your hearts in the right sort of place. You risk sending somebody scurrying here , complaining that they were the rebound and as soon as the vampire felt whole again..they were off..

You're still in love with your ex. You shouldn't be dating anyone else, period.

 

It's not fair to use someone to get over someone else!