Two Year Relationship in the Air

[Phaze1334542]

Let me start off by saying, Sorry for the really long post.

 

Okay, allow me to begin by sayin that I am 19 and my girl friend is 18. I say g/f b/c we have "officiallly" broken up yet, we are on a "break" from each other (not sure what the difference is, tho). We have been together for a little over two years. She is not my first serious g/f, but she is my longest.

 

Anyway, lemme start at the beginning of our problems. Starting in about March or so, we have had some problems. The good and bad times happened evenly, but the bad times were far more severe. Well, ever since this time, there has been little things that she has done that irritated me. She would cancel our plans to do somethin with a friend of hers (happened pretty consistantly, about once every two weeks), she would always do things with her friends that she wouldn't do with me, and she always put her friends before me it seemed.

 

And last week, she did soemthing to set me off. She cancelled our plans to go to an amusement park with some of her friends. Well, this irritated me, b/c last summer I asked her if she wanted to go to the same amusement park with me. She told me that she hates roller coasters and hates amusement parks, so she would never go and it wouldn't be fun. But, like I said, she was willing to go with her friends last week.

 

So, the day after, we were supposed to do soemthin for a few hours. Well she ends up basically not wanting to come over, but she will so "I don't get mad at her." I told her that I didn't want her to feel obligated to see me, and she said she did. Well this made me blow up at her. I told her how she has been inconsiderate of my feelings and she has treated me bad compared to her friends. Well, she coudn't figure out where I got all this stuff, so I gave some examples to back me up. Again, she just could not understand how I got off sayin this stuff. We talked on the phone for about an hour more, both of us crying over things, mainly how our relationship has been all bad things recently.

 

She ended up saying that she needs a break from me to do some thinkin. Well, I took this as breakin up and I was incredibly hurt. So I didn't talk to her for 24 hours and did some thinkin of my own. I realized that I have basically taken her for granted the past few months. So when I talked to her, I told her that I didn't want to loose her, I realize I have been dumb and I know how we can go about fixin things. I asked her for a chance to try and make things work again, and she said she doesn't know if she can give me a chance, or at least she couldn't give me a chance as b/f and g/f.

 

Well this struck in my brain as she wanted to break up basically. So I got off the phone, did some thinkin and talked to her later that night. I realized that all the negative times stemmed back to me. The last six months of my life, I have been depressed deep down inside. I didn't really tell anyone, but when some stupid little thing would come up, I would totally over react to it, causing things to be much worse then they should be. So later that night I talked to her, and I told her all my revalations I made. And I asked her one more time for a chance, since I have analyzed the MAJOR problem with us. Well again she said she doesn't know, she just needs some time. So I tell her, okay, I will give you time, it will be hard for me, but I will give her, her space.

 

Well, this was incredibly hard on me. I could not stand not to talk to her, and not be able to just call her up when I needed to. I realized another thing, she is my best friend, my confidant, and I need her very much more then I thought I did. I don't have many friends, let alone best friends, so you can see my predicament. So I call her up, and tell her how I fealt. And she basically said she doesn't want to have no contact with me at all, and she said to call her whenever I need to or want to. And I told her, that would be a lot, b/c I will always want to talk to her, and that would not be fair to her, since she needs space. So, we agreed to call whenever we wanted or fealt like it (even tho I would try my hardest not to call her, so she can get space and we could hopefully get back together).

 

So, the rest of that day and the next day, I just called her whenever I needed to talk to her, and I didn't talk about us really. Well, I find out the next day, that she feels we are basically still goin out. And I dont' know where she gets that, I feel like crap and I don't feel we are still goin out. So we have a talk that night, and basically I tell her I can't handle not being able to talk to her once every few days, so she says it's okay to call her whenever I want. But it's not okay, I tell her, b/c I'll call to much.

 

So, this is the third day since that talk, and I have tried not to talk to her at all, but it's hard since she's my best friend. I have given in a few times and called her. But, what I'm gettin from her and her friends, is that she still loves me, just not the same way as she used to, and she doesn't know if she can ever feel that way again (partly to do with how I fealt about her a few days ago), she also doesn't know if we can ever have good times again. Also, I'm afraid that if we don't talk, she will forget about me, and we will drift apart, no chance of getting back together. I can't handle loosin her, especially right now, there are some other really difficult things goin on.

 

So, that was the back drop, and this is where I need help. How much can I talk to her, or not talk to her, to give her enough space to do some thinking? Will she forget about me if I don't talk to her? It's incredibly hard for me not to make it through a day without talkin to her. How can I show her that I will change my outlook if she gives me another chance, or how can I get her to give me another chance? How am I supposed to act around her right now? And, based on other peoples results of giving space, about how long should I give her to see how she feels? She I have a serious talk with her to see how exactly she feels, and tell her how i feel? I'm just not sure what to do, so if anyone can give me ANY advice at all, it would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

Allow me to say one more thing. I am not just upset because she might be leaving me, I seriously do not know how I will be able to make it through all my hard times that are currently happening, and the ones that are about to start. I just need and want her back by my side to be there for me, help me, and confort me. I look at the rest of my life without her, and it will be pure hell compared to if she was with me the rest of my life.

 

Like I said, any advice would be appreciated. Also, if anyone needs more info on the situation, I will gladly provide it. Thank you to everyone that attempts to help me.

[David83]

I am in basically the same situation, i was with my girlfriend for nearl 2 1/2 years, and we were engadged also, after the first year, she is my life and i love her more than anything in the world, and she has asked for time and she says she will contact me when she is ready, but now it has almost been a month since we broke up, and i havent heard a word from her, and i too keep thinking "Should i call her or contact her in some way to let her know that i am still here and that i miss and love her loads" because i to keep thinking she will forget about me if i dont do these things, but ive been holding back, it has been very hard for me, and i do think she wil contact me when she is ready, but it is kiling me not knowing how long this will be, because deep down inside i know wehave a chance together, she has kept her engadgment ring, which is a good thing, and we shared a very nice kiss before she left, that was the last time i saw her, and it kills me not hearing or seeing her.

 

But i feel that the worse thing i can do at the miute is contact her, because it could start her "wanting time to think and caontancting me when is ready" time over again.

 

So be strong phaze, and you will be fine, just keep thinking positive, and i dont know how long she needs to think, because i myself as still waiting and its been nearly a 1 month, so you think your hurting after a couple of days, just wait till a month comes to pass, but i wish you luck and i hope she contacts you.

 

I am the same age as you and my girlfriend was 18 also, im guesing it must be a strange time for realtionships at the minute for us 19 year old guys huh! but as i said keep thinking positive, and remember the good times, and if you are meant to be, then you will be together, i just hope the same can go for me too, because i love her and miss her more than anything ever, and ive never reaslised till now just how much i need her, and hopefully she needs me too, but i feel the ball is in her court right now.

 

But i think that the worst thing you can do right now is keep contacting her, calling her will not help, if she needs time, then supply her with it, she will thank you for it, dont show that you are weak, like me i called her none stop for the first week and it didnt help, so be strong, i know it is hard, but i think that if you spend time apart, then when you see each other next you will realise what you have noth been missing and how much you need each other, because i am determined not to give up in my sitiuation.

 

So i will keep my fingers crossed for you and you for me eh, and we will both get through this, keep us posted on what happens ok, i have some threads in the Love forum, about my situation, click on the links below:

 

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It helps to talk about things and get them off your chest, this site has helped me alot, and im gonna keep on using it until i am back with her, because i know it will happen one day, time is the best healer, thats what people keep telling me, and there are some geat people here who have helped me specially sisterlynch thank you!

 

Good luck!