Is it bad to want someone similar to your ex??

[paperboy48]

Is it bad to want someone similar to your ex?

 

I am with someone know who is very different from my ex. My ex-wife was very out-going, she was funny. She liked to have a good-time. She made me laugh.

 

My SO is timid, she is quiet in a group setting, she is more of the serious type (a little introverted). My ex is definitely an extrovert, as am I. Don’t get me wrong, my SO has a ton of great qualities - she is kind, gentle, very caring and very smart.

 

I just keep comparing my SO to my ex-wife. As much as I wanted this (or thought I did) I just keep thinking, as the relationship has evolved, that we are not a good-fit or maybe I’m not ready for a long-term relationship. My divorce/separation of my 16-year relationship with my wife ended only 16 months ago.

 

So, is this normal or am I just a jerk and am expecting too much?

[kitkat620]

I never agree when people state that someone is 'too picky or expecting too much'. You want what you want and should not settle for anything or anyone less.

If you SO does not make you happy, then of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to end it.

You were with you ex because there was something about her you loved. Maybe it was her outgoing nature, maybe it was a combination of things, but whatever it was it kept you together 16 years.

I have been separated for over 2 years now and have dated but nothing serious. I know that I am not ready for that kind of commitment just yet and I am fine with that. I enjoy my freedom too much right now.

Maybe you should try the same. Don't make a commitment because you feel that is what you are supposed to do after being alone for 16 months. There is no time table or set rules on what is right or wrong in the dating world. It is a complicated world, I do admit, but one with rules? No.

[calichick007]

I think you should leave this woman alone. It seems like you got into a relationship with her - and then got back together with her - because you don't want to be alone, not because you want to be with HER.

[SometimesShy]

Is it bad to want someone similar to your ex?

 

No, but NEVER lead anyone on when you know that they are not what you are looking for. If you do this then you are just an out and out *sshole.

 

...Now if you are going on casual dates where everybody knows that it's just a fun date and definitely nothing serious, then why not.

[Lostkauz]

Be careful not be expect someone too similar, because my currrent SO is very like my ex in both personality, looks and interests, and recently we bumped into her in our local bar. My current girlfriend had it sussed instantly. This a cause a bit of a problem because it is obvious she is a replacement, or she feels that way at least. Best to keep within a certain distance.