Klokwurk Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 I didn't get a response text for over a week when I was initially going out with my girlfriend. Yes, it caused me some anxiety, but I occupied my time with other things that interested me. STOP TRIPPIN' AND BE PATIENT, go do other things with your life. It pays off in the end. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 And I'm sorry to be this person, but it's bugging me and I can't resist... the word you're looking for is "paranoid." Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 I'm actually going to side with Redabc123 here. Every time I've dated someone who ended up being a LTR, we communicated consistently - often daily - when we first started dating. Of course some people go overboard with texting / calling too many times before getting a response, but I'm talking about a 1:1 message/reply ratio here. In my experience, if someone's serious (or even half-serious) about you, barring work/family circumstances, they'll enjoy communicating with you and respond in kind. Once-a-day contact does not seem excessive to me if I'm interested. I'm glad someone seeing what I mean, yeah I don't think he is interested, he couldn't hold any type of conversation with me, I can't see how intetested someone could be if that can't say hi or how's your day going, so in writing this one off as a loss Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 The problem is that your focus is on being reassured because he's contacted you as opposed to really wanting to get to know him by having actual phone conversations -from what I can tell you want him to respond to a casual text as if you two have been friends for a long time who chat every day - you don't really care how his day is going as much as you care that he respond to a text or ask how you're doing - to show interest as opposed to actually caring about each other's day. I never texted while I was dating and tried not to instant message too much early on so after the second date I expected to hear from him to set up a third date, and then perhaps one phone call in between the dates. Maybe texting makes it differenet. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 The problem is that your focus is on being reassured because he's contacted you as opposed to really wanting to get to know him by having actual phone conversations -from what I can tell you want him to respond to a casual text as if you two have been friends for a long time who chat every day - you don't really care how his day is going as much as you care that he respond to a text or ask how you're doing - to show interest as opposed to actually caring about each other's day. I never texted while I was dating and tried not to instant message too much early on so after the second date I expected to hear from him to set up a third date, and then perhaps one phone call in between the dates. Maybe texting makes it differenet. I don't agree with that I'm just looking for a reply, I'm trying to get to know him better find out how his weekend is going so when I text something simple I don't expect a page response just asking because I'm intetested in him. I do however agree that there should be less texting more talking on the phone, but because I have already intiated contact in some sort I don't feel to comfortable adding calling to that, it makes me feel like I'm smothering. I appreciate the advice on here because like I mentioned before I'm used to things moving quicker. I don't feel that he is as intetested in me but I guess time will tell. Thank you for the great advice, I have decided to not contact any further because its making me parinod lol and like others have mentioned I won't really be able to tell if is intetested a little. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 If you really want to get to know a new person better think of it in terms of quality time not quantity time -so, minimal texting, see each other once or twice a week and perhaps talk by phone once or twice a week for the first month or so -obviously nothing is set in stone but I don't agree that typing messages to him is relevant to getting to know him and only creates stress for you if the person doesn't respond as quickly as you think he should. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 If you really want to get to know a new person better think of it in terms of quality time not quantity time -so, minimal texting, see each other once or twice a week and perhaps talk by phone once or twice a week for the first month or so -obviously nothing is set in stone but I don't agree that typing messages to him is relevant to getting to know him and only creates stress for you if the person doesn't respond as quickly as you think he should. I definitely agree with you, but I guess it's a waiting game because he hasn't really been initiating phone calls he did the first week we began talking but not to much after.. Which is why I questioned how interested he was. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 I didn't get a response text for over a week when I was initially going out with my girlfriend. Yes, it caused me some anxiety, but I occupied my time with other things that interested me. STOP TRIPPIN' AND BE PATIENT, go do other things with your life. It pays off in the end. I hope so fingers crossed..thank you Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 Update: I heard from him via text Monday night, haven't heard from him for two days. Is it too soon to still say he isn't intetested? This could be my parinoia kicking in any advice would be great still a newbie at this casual hanging/dating thing... Also I have been reading this book "how to have the relationship you want " that I got a couple years ago... It says to never ever intiate contact has that worked for anyone here? it'sworked for me before, but obviously this guy is different. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 You need to stop hanging all of your hopes on this person you just met. You. Should. Be. Dating. Other. People. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Do you think he texts because he DOESNT like you? You haven't heard from him in 2 days because he has a life...and you need to stop thinking about how long since he contacted you. You are dating, no in a relationship. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Update: I heard from him via text Monday night, haven't heard from him for two days. Is it too soon to still say he isn't intetested? This could be my parinoia kicking in any advice would be great still a newbie at this casual hanging/dating thing... Also I have been reading this book "how to have the relationship you want " that I got a couple years ago... It says to never ever intiate contact has that worked for anyone here? it'sworked for me before, but obviously this guy is different. Here's why it doesn't matter. There are no decisions to make here. For now, each date is the last one unless and until there's another one planned. Until that time there's no waiting, no decisions - exploring other dating options is a great way to keep that mindset and avoid your mindset which is just anxiety-provoking and likely will make you come accross as needy/overeager when he is in touch. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 You need to stop hanging all of your hopes on this person you just met. You. Should. Be. Dating. Other. People. I am, I'm just a little more interested in him Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 Do you think he texts because he DOESNT like you? You haven't heard from him in 2 days because he has a life...and you need to stop thinking about how long since he contacted you. You are dating, no in a relationship. Your right.. I know it's me, so I'm guessing I shouldn't contact him at all? Lol Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 Here's why it doesn't matter. There are no decisions to make here. For now, each date is the last one unless and until there's another one planned. Until that time there's no waiting, no decisions - exploring other dating options is a great way to keep that mindset and avoid your mindset which is just anxiety-provoking and likely will make you come accross as needy/overeager when he is in touch. Your right thank you,even if your trying to date other ppl how do you drift yourself away from someone doesn't seem as interested? Do you just chalk it up as a loss and move on or hold out for hope? I'm not used to dating or hanging out with more than one person at a time so I'm not really sure how to behave haha Link to comment
calichick007 Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 You do what Batya said and treat each date as though it is the last, unless/until another date is planned. I definitely wouldn't keep contacting him - not if you want to really gauge his interest. I think he is interested SOMEWHAT... otherwise he wouldn't contact you. But I don't think he is anywhere near as interested as you are, which is OK. You're overinvested to say you just met. He is probably dating other people he's also interested in and generally living his life, while you are stuck obsessing over him. Only you can pull yourself out of that! Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 You do what Batya said and treat each date as though it is the last, unless/until another date is planned. I definitely wouldn't keep contacting him - not if you want to really gauge his interest. I think he is interested SOMEWHAT... otherwise he wouldn't contact you. But I don't think he is anywhere near as interested as you are, which is OK. You're overinvested to say you just met. He is probably dating other people he's also interested in and generally living his life, while you are stuck obsessing over him. Only you can pull yourself out of that! Wow thank you for the advice, I tend to do this with ppl I'm interested which is why I'm probably still single... I hope for another date, ill keep active and hope he comes around Link to comment
Georgiamaisy Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Im going through the same thing. You really need to try to date multiple people. I didnt used to but it really helps me not to over focus on one person... Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 Im going through the same thing. You really need to try to date multiple people. I didnt used to but it really helps me not to over focus on one person... I'm trying that, if you don't mind me asking what happened? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 Update: ran into him leaving my friends house..asked how his week was he said that he was having a tough week, had alot on his mind and he was in his own world thinking alot. I told him I was sorry and I was here if he needed someone to talk to. He said thank you. We said good bye and that was it. Some background he is newly divorced 6 months ago, girl left him because she met someone else was only married 13 mon. He said he was over it ready to date but I don't know if his " tough week" had anything to do with it, I'm sure he needs space.. Any thoughts on this situation? Thanks Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Space. Give it to him. The end of a marriage is very hard. And he is still smarting from it. You offered a shoulder. He heard you and said "thanks". Leave him be. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 Space. Give it to him. The end of a marriage is very hard. And he is still smarting from it. You offered a shoulder. He heard you and said "thanks". Leave him be. Thanks for you advice... He talked to me today and basically said he didn't want to drag me down because he had alot going and wasn't over his divorce.. Sounds like he just wasn't intetested but either way I'm glad I know sooner instead of later Link to comment
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