Translate: texts and emails from ex within 2 weeks of ugly breakup?

[aprilflowers]

We broke up because he cheated and deceived; been together 6 years and we are Older couple! I can't tell if he's a having a midlife, trying to stay in good graces because we both travel the same business circles, or what.

 

No face to face contact or direct conversation in over 2 weeks; now texts arrive and a few complimentary emails about my work, or how "nice" it was to see me from afar. He signs it "warmest" on signature

 

What does this mean? I thanked him politely via text reply and left it at that. Don't know what to make of it...he even a mutual friend to say HI to me, like we were in high school.

 

Any ideas, wise folks?

[mhowe]

Guilt. Ignore.

 

That's the sum total of it. Not interest, not an apology.

[Edmund Exley]

Cheaters tend to be self-focused. He wants assurance that you have forgiven him so his ego will feel better.

[dreamstate83]

Although blunt, I'm with Edmund on this. It's very well possible that this person still loves you and truly is sorry for what happened, but the biggest concern about a person who cheats is that they are simply not capable of being in a committed relationship at this time - and that's the only thing that he and you need to accept.

 

Young or old, cheating is always a sign of a bigger problem - one that you are best fitted to not become a part of!

[sharky988]

Cheaters tend to be self-focused. He wants assurance that you have forgiven him so his ego will feel better.

 

SOOOOO true!!!

 

Cheaters are also the worst at staying away after a breakup and respecting societal norms in this regard -- they kind of get off on pushing the boundaries and breaking the rules, which is why they're cheaters to begin with!

[nfperception]

Although blunt, I'm with Edmund on this. It's very well possible that this person still loves you and truly is sorry for what happened, but the biggest concern about a person who cheats is that they are simply not capable of being in a committed relationship at this time - and that's the only thing that he and you need to accept.

 

Young or old, cheating is always a sign of a bigger problem - one that you are best fitted to not become a part of!

 

What is the bigger problem then finding out someone cheating on you?

[aprilflowers]

Thanks for the wisdom. I think you are all right, tho part of my still wishes he will have some moment of revelation, a big discovery he CARES, can't do without me. Like a movie plot, I guess. I bet that is common in this situation. I am maintaining NC, however, tho I did say cool thanks for his compliments via return email.

 

Dont want to go to ANger-ville, and as I mentioned, we are an older couple, and the dummy did all the typical midlife stuff- lost weight, new clothes, new car, some big talk, even for him, an exec type. I can't compete with the young girlies.

Now THAT sounds like a movie plot. A lousy one.

 

Thanks again for your kind advice.

[Edmund Exley]

What is the bigger problem then finding out someone cheating on you?

 

Generally there are 2 reasons people cheat. 1 is they just cant resist having their cake and eating it too and dont care if they have made a commitment to someone. 2. They are unhappy in the relationship and find comfort in another person before ending the relationship. I'm guessing dreamstate was referring to 2.

[sharky988]

Sweetie I'm sure I'm at least as old as you are -- cheaters cheat and "mid-life crisis" is just another of the many B.S. excuses they come up with to justify their skanky lowlife behavior as they move through their shallow pathetic lives.....

 

Older men who cheat aren't cute harmless "dummies" -- they're sleazy jerks who should know better by now.

 

Of course you don't want to compete with younger women -- ewwwww!!! I get younger guys hitting me up on online sites all the time and it creeps me out. If this guy is into cheating -- or into younger women -- then once again "good riddance"!!!

 

But please -- being older doesn't make cheating "okay" or understandable. Mid-life crisis??? I'M all the midlife crisis any guy lucky enough to be my boyfriend needs -- start putting THAT conversation in your mind. Does being older mean being suddenly tolerant of cheating??? Who are we -- the Queen of England???

[dreamstate83]

One of the biggest things to remember, aprilflowers, is that him cheating is absolutely no reflection of who you are or what you are worth. Just because someone drops a diamond in a muddy alleyway, it doesn't make the diamond worthless! Remember that!