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Things have taken a turn for the worst

El3216

By El3216
in Breaking Up Advice

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El3216 Contributor

El3216

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So brief story:

 

Gf broke up with me in feb, I was devastated but knew we had to break up to fix ourselves. Tried to get her back did the beg and plead cry deal. It didn't work obviously so I commuted to giving her space. ( we still live together, she moves out on sat) we had our last talk about me trying to get her back on Easter. We've avoided each other since then. I've been making huge strides since we broke up. I've lost 20 lbs I've read a few relationship books and I've given her space just like she wanted.

 

Today I say hi to her and kinda make small talk and she just blows me off so I get agitated ofcourse. Then at some point she says " don't ask my friends about me" I NEVER did this. She then goes on and said "some one said you asked them if I was seeing anyone" this ALSO not true. So I proceed to stand up for myself and say that is garbage and not even remotely true. She then says LEAVE ME ALONE!! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!! And doesn't let me say another word to her. I said "your friend is a liar" and she slams the bedroom door in my face.

 

 

Wow. I am at a loss for words. I am so upset because I've worked so hard on giving her space and I've stayed out of her life but some how I'm getting punished for something I didn't do.

 

I kept my cool for the most part and just left.

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Tanzi Mentor

Tanzi

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Wow. I am at a loss for words. I am so upset because I've worked so hard on giving her space and I've stayed out of her life but some how I'm getting punished for something I didn't do.

 

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how either of you have had the space you need to heal, reflect, move on etc when you have been living together since you broke up.

 

Neither of you would have been able to move any further forward in dealing with your emotions when you are around each other. Even if you are avoiding each other as much as possible, you are both aware of each other's presence in some form.

 

Tiptoeing around her, trying to make small talk is no way for either of you to live. Her moving out on Saturday is the best thing that can be happening in these circumstances. Only then will she really have the space you said you are giving her but, really, she isn't getting. You need this too. It can't be easy to accept what is really happening when she is still around.

 

I suspect that it is this frustration of needing and wanting that space that is spilling out now.

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El3216 Contributor

El3216

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Yeah- she's leaving and that is going to help ALOT. I just feel like her anger now is unfair because I wasn't really asking her friends about her let alone talking to them at all.. She has a perception of me that is false.

 

I'm packing a bag and staying at a friends until she is gone.

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Tanzi Mentor

Tanzi

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Yeah- she's leaving and that is going to help ALOT. I just feel like her anger now is unfair because I wasn't really asking her friends about her let alone talking to them at all.. She has a perception of me that is false.

 

I'm packing a bag and staying at a friends until she is gone.

 

Well you've told her your side now. I'm sure she must have an idea whether you are telling her the truth whatever she said in frustration. I wouldn't let that bother you too much because that will all blow over in time, especially when you have had proper time apart.

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Tanzi Mentor

Tanzi

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Yeah i told her, now.. If she heard me is another story. I have no idea when this was told to her. It could explain why she's been so short and generally pissy with me over the last few weeks when we have had to communicate.

 

She heard you but she was way too far gone to care to listen to you. It could explain why she is pissy with you but then again that could just be because of the whole situation you are in.

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El3216 Contributor

El3216

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Update: so yesterday after the confrontation I wrote a letter to the Ex. A letter that I didn't plan on giving her but just something to get my feelings out. It was in my room and later that evening she went in my room to take her lamp out ( because she's packing her stuff to move). She saw the letter and read it. She responds to me via text and says " I saw the letter.. I don't know if you wanted me to see it but I did. I am proud of you too.. What ever happens always take care or yourself"

 

I didn't respond to her ( she slammed a door in my face that same day..) and said for Christ sakes stop talking to me.

 

I get home a few hours later and bolt to my room and she texts me saying " thanks for ignoring Me" I thought it was funny because of how treated me that morning. I'm kind of glad she read it because that will lead me into NC with a sense of confidence and pride. ( the letter basically stated my case against her lying friend and apologized for trying to get back together with her when she wanted space. Then I said I accept the break up and wish her the best. ( which is all true)

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Tanzi Mentor

Tanzi

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Well maybe it is a good thing she saw the letter because you have now unburdened yourself of the things that were concerning you. As you say you can now go into NC with the confidence that you have nothing to hold you back and that you won't have to worry whether you should have said this or wish that you had done that (which I believe can often pull us back of NC). You've stated your case against the friend, you have said you accepted the break-up so I can only see that as a good thing.

 

That wasn't a very nice thing she said was it? She told you to stop talking to her, so you did Leave it at that now. Now you really focus on moving on properly.

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