Breaking NC once a week

[Switch187]

Well my situation is pretty much explained in a couple other threads in this forum. Right now me and my ex are establishing the NC rule, we saw each other at Church and after that when we talked we both said that we really shouldn't make contact with each other anymore (such as phone calls, e-mails, and letters). But the problem is that we are both members of the same Church, and I'm currently going through the process of getting baptized at Church. So it's not like either of us could just give up Church (and some people had said to go find a new one, but I've been to all the others and this Church is the one I really like). So I know were going to end up seeing each other, and she was actually mentioning that we could just keep talking on Sundays at Church. But I feel that it's just going to make things more complicated between us, and also make it impossible for us to really get over each other if we are going to get back together. I still love her a lot, but I don't want to anymore. Even though she has told me that she still loves me and still see's us getting back together after this break, her actions have made me think different. I don't want to be rude to her at Church, since it's not the place to be rude to someone, but I don't want to have to sit there next to her and have all these feelings running around in my head. Should I just sit somewhere else, and hope that she gets the clue that I don't really want to sit next to her? Or should I voice out these thoughts/concerns to her when/if we talk after Church next week? I know that I have all week to really think about things, and may just not even care about this by next Sunday, but right now I really need help and advice if anyone can help. I just don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't see myself letting her back into my heart/life anytime soon.

[Switch187]

Please anyone. My ears are open to any type of advice or tips. My heart is really torn right now. I know I love her, she says she loves me, but her actions make me think she really doesn't love me. I don't want to love someone who doesn't love me.

[SuperDave71]

Hello Switch,

 

 

I know you are having a tough time and I am sure she is as well. If she says she loves you, she does. I have no doubt about this. I am sure it is difficult seeing her in church and pretending that everything is fine or even not fine. You must remember, people handle things differently. She my being acting or giving you the impression that h has moved on or she is fine etc because it helps her deal with the pain. I am of course guessing. You know her better than any of us. Congratulations on being baptised by the way. I would say ignoring each other at church is wrong. A simple wave and a smile is fine. If she wants to talk, talk with her. If not......smile and wave. You have to deal with you. I know when you see her you are flooded by emotions and feeling. I know this all to well. Do what you can to try and deal with these feelings. I would try not to worry too much about her. Worry about yourself and your life right now. Do what you can to avoid the things that push people away. ( Begging, pleading, talking about getting back together. ) I know you miss her but rememeber breaking up doesn't mean its completely over....try to remain positive and focus on why you two broke up in the first place.

 

Be strong!!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[studmaster3265]

Dude first of all if she loves you then trust if anything real love doesnt just everday. I know becuase i felt it and i want it i lost becuase i kept lying and became so immature with jelousy and careless actions. Look this girl says she loves you, love endures everything and forguves everything. You need to trust her, and trying to ignore each other will get you knowere. Keep ignoring her if you must....but i just hope you dont regret becuase in the end youll probably end up chasing her and the doors will be closed for you.

[Switch187]

Thanks you guys for the tips. I know in my heart that when she says she loves me that she really does love me. She has said that this is really devestating to her as well, and that she can't understand why she needed to break up with me to figure things out. But I told her if she needs time then she needs time, and I can't interfere with that. For the past 2 weeks I kept trying to establish the NC rule with her, I even told her one day that I just can't talk to her anymore because it hurts too much and asked if she wouldn't call me for a week, and then if she feels different she could call me. She ended up sending me an e-mail (just a friendly hello, hope your doing well letter) a few days later, and called me a few days after that. I feel like she may do that again this week. Everytime she calls she tells me how much she misses me and misses being able to just talk to me. But when she does that it makes me feel like she wants to work things out or at least try and make things work, but it just turns into another battle of one of us still needing more space.

 

I really believe that love can conquer any task, and that our love is/was really true. I have been in my fair share of relationships, and of course I thought that I was in love everytime, but when I met her I knew that it was just "puppy love" before, and that it was true love with her. I never felt that way before, and when I would say "I Love You" to her I really knew that it was coming from my heart, not just being said just to say it. She also feels the same way I do. Even her family has said that she is giving up the "best thing" to happen to her life by not being with me, but they also say that they know she will come back to me. All of her friends tell her that she should be with me, because she will never find love like that ever again. She even tells me (when we talked after Church) that in her heart she knows that I am everything that she wants in a relationship, it's just hard for her right now to be in our relationship while trying to establish herself as a "woman" and not a "child". But it's just so hard, and I know that I just need to keep my head up, keep praying, and just let time do it's work. I know deep down in my heart that we will be back together sometime soon, I just don't want to force it or push her futhre away by showing her I feel this way. I won't ignore her at Church, you both are right, I will just keep things civil and if she wants to talk then I will talk to her. I always told her that I would always talk to her no matter what, and no matter what time, all she had to do is take the first step. Well thanks again for the advice, and I will just try to persevere through all this.

[Switch187]

Well just as I thought my ex broke the NC before Sunday. She called me today while I was on my break from class. When I answered, she sounded kinda surprised that I answered the phone, and even said that she thought I wouldn't answer and was going to leave me a message. I said I was on a break, so what's up. She said she was just calling me to give me the number of one of our friends that wants to hang out with me, since all of his friends are in relationships and he want's to go snowboarding with me. I said okay, got the number, then said goodbye. She was nice, and sincere on the phone, but I still felt weird since we just talked the previous day about not calling each other or anything until Sunday. I also found it weird that she didn't just give him my number, since she said she talked to him and he was all excited about hanging out with me and going boarding (he's single, but also trying to hook up with one of my ex's friend). Anyways I'm not going to really look into this issue that much, but if she does try to call me again either later today (when she gets off work) or during the week, then I'm going to have to tell her that she either needs to stop calling me and get her space, or accept the fact that she still want's to be with me and we will work out our problems together.

[Dazednconfused79]

Hi Switch,

 

Thanks for your advice on my situation. I've taken it onboard, I assure you. I thought I might return the favor.

 

At the end of the last post you sound like you are going to give her an ultimatum. I'm sure I won't be alone when I say that could be a bad idea. If it doesn't work in your favor then it will drive her away. Just leave things alone for a while. She may contact you again, breaking the NC but if that's the course you have chosen then gently reinforce that with her. An ultimatum may be seen as aggresive, that's all I'm saying. These are sensitive times and you need to follow your own advice and stay cool. Hope this helps mate.

[Switch187]

Thanks man, and yeah I think I worded it wrong, because I love her too much to give her an ultimatum. I just want her to get the space she keeps saying she needs (I mean if she broke up with me because she needs space, then why does she keep calling me?). Yeah I look back at the advice I've been giving out and although some people have said it's good advice, I seem unable to follow my own advice. It's like I can understand what needs to be done, I just can't do it myself. So yeah thanks for just returning the advice because sometimes I need to stop thinking with so much emotion, and just let things work their course. I know that we will end up together again, especially since everyone she knows is telling me that she really wants to be with me, she just need to "grow up" so she could be at my level. Thanks again man, and if you need anymore help as well I'll try my best to give you the advice/tips I know.