NC for months, now she's being friendly?

[DrNick]

My ex broke up with me about a year ago, citing irreconcilable differences between our families. I was very upset at the time, but as time went on, I realised there was an element of truth in what she said. Anyway, we didn't speak or email for about 6 months. I then sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday. I got back a huge 3 page email, where she told me all about what she had been up to. Then we fell into an email conversation, sending each other emails every day or so. Her emails became quite friendly, perhaps even flirty. Now, if I don't email her within a day, she'll email me a second time, as if she were trying to prompt me to reply. I haven't called her and she hasn't called me, it's all via email at the moment. Nor have either of us suggested that we get together or do anything of that sort.

 

Also, from her emails, I gather she does not have a bf. She seems to spend all her time either visiting her family or at work. I now have a gf who I am very happy with, so I am not looking at rekindling the relationship. However, do you think she's just being friendly, or does she want more? I don't want to lead her on. Any suggestions?

[trishcollins]

That's a tough one. Sometimes people want "the old times back" and forget about why they broke up with someone in the first place. Perhaps she is just feeling lonely or sad and you are a "rock" she can lean on. Sometimes it's just someone glad that someone isn't mad at them anymore. Let's face it, we all want to be liked. Maybe she is relieved by your laid-back attitude.

 

If you are really worried about it, then ask her. Say it casually and let her know you are interested in understanding why she is suddenly so keen about communicating. I also think you should let her know you have a gf you are interested in. I think you should be honest with her, and see what happens. You have nothing to lose, as you have moved on.

[DrNick]

You're right Trish, asking her would be the logical option. However, I want to steer clear of any questions that may bring back old emotions. I suppose what I really want is for us to slowly drift apart again. I'm finding that my constant contact with her is raising bad feelings that I would rather not deal with. After all, she dumped me, so why should I try to build a friendship with her now? I think she's trying to use me as a convenient "friend" when she has no one else in her life. While on the surface I am laid back about it, underneath I resent her trying to set the boundaries on our relationship. I wasn't good enough to go out with, but I am good enough to be a fair weather friend? I find that a little insulting. At the same time, I don't want to get into an argument with her, because I'll just get steamed up and raise a lot of bad feeling all over again.

[trishcollins]

From reading your last post, I would say that you should simply tell her you would rather not keep in contact. That if and when you are ready, you will contact her. I think you need some time to heal, and that can't happen if she is constantly contacting you.