really confused right now

[funlovingguy]

Here I am nearly 7 months after my ex broke up with me, and although I feel that I have improved in many areas of my life, I still feel that one missing part...her. It really hurts, because she has moved on, and found someone new, perhaps someone who at this point seems to be a long-term relationship for her. It really hurts, because although I hold pretty high esteem for myself, this new guy has so many qualities that I don't. I can look at the relationship between my ex an I and I know why it ended, but I hate how I still feel so alone, and she has somebody. And this is not the only issue in my life right now. I am winding down my last year of college, and I am getting really scared because what I thought I wanted to do two years ago isn't what I want to do now, and I know a college degree isn't a waste, but I wish I were majoring in something I really felt passionate about. The fact that I will have a but load of college loans to pay back and at this point don't know what kind of job I can get to do that is leaving me feeling really scared. I don't have parents that can help to pay for much of anything for me, so I am feeling really trapped.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just don't know where the next step is for me in life. I have great confidence in myself that whatever I do I will do well, and become successful at, but what that is, I have yet to find out. And going back to the ex issue, I know there are a thousand fish in the sea or whatever, but what if the one I wanted, I had, and didn't have my eyes open enough to see it. I think in some ways, I got really comfortable with our relationship, and I sort of stopped trying to add exitement, and things started to get boring between us. I think the thing that hurts the most is knowing what I did, and knowing that it can never go back to the way it was.

 

I don't know if anybody who reads this is from sort of a small town, but I find myself really itching to get out and explore new places. I think part of my anxiety is perhaps due to the fact that I have been in the same town for 4 years, a small town with not much to do, and I am getting bored with it. Well, I have to go to class now, thanks to anyone who reads and adds insight, or any comments.

[tiger_lilies]

It sounds like you are starting to discover yourself...or at least trying to. I suggest that you travel. Traveling is a great way to meet new and interesting people AND it does wonders in terms of finding yourself...getting to know yourself more.

 

Your ex has obviously moved on and you need to do the same. I think part of the reason why you are thinking about her is because you have not found anyone new in your life and you want that comfort feeling you were so used to with her.

 

Realize now that you need to move on. Concentrate on yourself and try new things.

[ForAnother]

Yeah discovery. I was a little mush with my ex. I didn't take control of myself. Now that I have gained a great deal of strength, I feel better about myself. I now know how to handle myself a bit stronger (sometimes too strong, I am balancing it).

 

I had a really hard 2 months after, and now finally i am realizing things about myself. Finding things about myself that help control the situation i had with her. I have trained myself to forget, sad, but necessary or else I would be groveling over the past. And thats how the cookie crumbles my friend.

 

Discover yourself, find comfort in yourself you will find it.

 

ForAnother

[Rysen]

Wow. You just described basically exactly what I've been feeling. From the ex right to college decisions.

 

I'm currently enrolled in my first year, taking a computer science degree, but now that this term is nearly over I find myself realizing that this isn't what I want to do. My passion is music, and I've always been apart of music in some form or another, whether it be teaching, playing, or writing and yet...I decided to go in to computers? It was a security thing for me, really. I never had much growing up, and I always promised myself that I would give my children the opportunities I never had, so the idea was to try and get into a field where jobs are more abundant. Then, after a few months of unhappiness, boredom, and complete disinterest in the courses I'm taking, it hit me: I'm sacrificing for a family I don't even have yet....It's a lot of money to spend to do learn about something you don't really care too much for. In any event, I"m switching majors next year to music simply because...it just feels like that's what I should be doing. I think I'm going to become a teacher, and compose on the side, sending off demo tapes, etc. to various companies and hope for a bite.

 

My ex and I have been apart for about 7-8 months now (I've lost count, which is a good thing!) and there are times when I really miss having her as well. But as tiger_lilies said I think it might be the comfort I miss. She too has a new boyfriend and has moved on. In a lot of ways I see him a far better match for her than I was (they have more in common, are in the same program in college, etc.) but there's still that feeling that I should be with her.

 

It hurts, some times, to think about her with the new guy. It almost seems unfair, really. She ended it, broke my heart, left me so hurt that it was hard to get through a day without thinking about her or crying at least once (in the beginning), and yet, she found someone new, has moved on, is happy, and seemingly unphased by the fact that we're no longer together. It seems unfair that she should be the one that gets to find happiness when she's the one that made me so unhappy. But that's the mind of the "dumpee" I suppose. The best realization I've had since the break up is that...life is what you make it. And if choose to be miserable then you will be. This is why I've started to get back into the things I stopped doing when her and I were together, and have been trying to get together as much as possible with the friends I neglected during the relationship. I'm in a band again, and performing music, which I didn't do the entire year that her and I were together if only because I wanted to spend so much time with her, or if she were to ask me to come over I would drop everything and rush right over.

 

Today I am happy again. Much happier than I have been in a really long time, and I think it's because I finally took control and started making an effort to be happy again. I started to look at myself and tried to figure out what it was that I did that made me happy *before* she was in my life. I think I've rediscovered a good majority of that, and consequently, have rediscovered myself, while also discovering new things that I didn't know before. It has been an extremely rewarding experience so far, and I know that I'm only just starting.

 

Small town! My goodness yes! I've been living here for about 4 years as well. There's nothing to do, nowhere to meet people, I'm bored, and I want to leave. My closest friends all live in the town I used to live in which is about an hour drive away, and though I do get down there often...it's kind of a pain in that I can't really afford the gas, and my car isn't in the greatest of shape. =/ And most of my other friends are gone off to University.

 

In any event...I guess I don't really have any advice but some times it's just nice to know that you're not alone. My plan is to switch majors to music, and move out of this town when I can afford it. I think tiger lilies had the best advice in that you should travel. The only problem with travel is the money, and I can completely relate to tuition fees and loans...the cost of education keeps getting higher every year. I saw a great quote on TV recently: "I can't afford to be smart."

Despite school costs, I'm slowly accumilating a "Trip to Japan" fund. I've always wanted to go to Japan. My goal is to get there if not this year, then definitely next.

 

Sorry for the length. I tend to just let my ideas flow when I write. ^_^;

Good luck in all your future endeavours. And keep in mind that the world is full of wonderful people and exciting opportunities. You've just gotta get out there and find them.

 

Cheers,

-Rysen