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Trying to decipher body language

Shy femme

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There is this young man in my history tutorial whom I am intensely attracted to and I am trying to figure out if he is possibly attracted to me.


I sent him an e-mail inviting him to join a study group I was organizing for our exam, and initially he seemed interested. However recently he sent me a long e-mail explaining that he can't committ anymore because his workload is too heavy (He is in fourth-year nano engineering and is applying to graduate school). He stressed that he didn't mean to "shun" me.


I then replied inviting him to study with me individually before our exam. The next day, at our tutorial, he came up to chat with me but did not mention my invitation. I myself finally brought it up, suggesting that likely he would want to study by himself. He concurred.


Given that you could interpret my e-mail as a stronger indication of romantic interest, should I take this to mean he just wants to be friends? Or does he just really prefer to study alone?


He is clearly not an outgoing guy. We've only started to talk to each other recently, and I am the one who initiated the contact.


Thus not sure how to interpret his body language. Sometimes he moves away from me and figets (which is very negative), but then other times he mirrors me, preens, does the so-called "crotch display," self-touching and tilts his head.


What should I do?

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Is this a case of 'after this subject you'll never see each other again'?? I hope not cause it sounds like you guys might just need some more time. Talk a little more, perhaps when it's not so stressed. Is he good at the subject? Maybe email or ask him for help on something (whether you're bad at it or not). If the signs are there that's a good thing, and he does sound a little shy to me...so the extra chatting time may help to ease the tension. Good luck!



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In response to your question, we're in a half-credit course together, that will be ending fairly shortly.


If this helps at all, here is the text of the e-mail he sent me explaining why he couldn't be in the study group.


Hey [my name],

I've just been going over my schedule for the next little while, and

my term is rapidly getting worse and worse. In all likelyhood, I will

not be able to start studying for this class until Dec 10th (or more

likely the 11th), so I'm not sure that would be fair to the rest of

the study group. Just so you know I'm not shunning the three of you

there are a number of factors conspiring to keep me busy: most of my

grad applications are due the end of november and several major

assignments for my thesis and engineering classes. Also, just today I

discovered that for the first time engineering exams start before the

end of arts and science classes, which is quite disastrous because my

classes are half-and-half between the two, so with science and

engineering exams on the 7th, 9th, 10th I will most likely only be

able to spend from after that third exam until the history exam

studying (realistically speaking). Thank you for thinking to include

me in the study group though, it is much appreciated. See you bring and early tomorrow!


[i think he meant to say bright...I had used this expression in a previous e-mail].





So I think I can pretty safely say he cares, which I suppose is a good thing! However he did decline the invitation I sent him to study with me individually


Moreover as I said his body language is perplexing... I've noticed that when I look at him in our class he won't smile at me, but when we talk to each other one-on-one he does! Once in class (after I asked for his e-mail address) we made eye contact and he came and sat beside me. But other times he avoids it.


Also when we sit near each other he does use so-called "closed" signals. However these very same "closed signals" which mean that someone isn't interested (crossed arms and legs) are the exact same ones that characterize shyness and insecurity!

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I am a guy, and I think that he likes you.....there is this girl that I really really like, but I don't look at her in class, because I want to hide my interest. It is complicated, but I guess a lot of guys are into the "saving face" mode, so they will not make a move unless they are sure.


You could find out if he likes you by


A. Seeing whether he acts different around you than with other girls. If he seems to have nothing to say to you, but is talking to other women, then, especially if he is shy, he likes you.


B. Inviting him out again for coffee, or something but not a long one. If he comes with you, then he is interested. If he refuses, but suggests an alternative time, he is. Try this thrice, and if he still does not go out with you, then he is not interested.

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Hi SF,


I have one question for you: When you're around the girl you like do you cross your legs? Hold yourself (i.e. cross your arms) Fidget? Are you aware of your body language?


Being shy, I know that when I really like someone I send off so-called 'negative' signals. I doodle, I turn my back on them, I even feel kind of weird smiling!

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  • 1 month later...

Yes, shy men tend to look defensive. They may not speak or say anything, and look as if they are not interested. They use defensive body language. The best way to get a shy man is to make a move casually, like go out for a coffee alone, or approach him. Shy people are scared of losing face, and if they know they will not, then they will make a move.

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