Recovery success story

[Patterbatter]

Hey fellow ENA'ers!

 

It has been quite some time now since I have posted on this forum but I thought I would check in and share my story of heartache and let those who may be currently going through it see, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I decided not to visit this site until I reached the 6 month post BU mark. Now, i've just passed the 6 months mark, my ex broke things off between us (BU -18/09/2012). Perhaps you may have read my previous threads but regardless I was not in a good place. We had been good friends for 9 years (since 15) We were together for about 2 years 3 months, had traveled together to Australia and Thailand for 12 months, spend some great moments together and I was getting ready to pop a question to her, Christmas 2012.

 

I discovered she had been cueing up another 'victim' (I say victim because I do genuinely feel sorry for her, in that she will always be chasing tails and she's not the type to settle) for at least 6 months before the end of the relationship. I discovered this by accidently coming accross messages to her ex bf (who had previously cheated on her and caused them to split), claiming that she loved him blah blah blah. Well this was the first time she broke my heart. After peace talks, we decided to stay together and work it out, and we did just that, until I asked to send a message on her phone about 2 months after the first encounter, to find more messages, this was the second time she broke my heart. This girl was everything to me, she put us on a break for some 5 weeks, meanwhile she went on a family holiday to a resort where her ex was from, yeah I know, I should have ended it long before but unfortunately, she came back from holiday and broke things off. This was the 3rd and final time she would break it.

 

Now I know I was stupid to think we could have worked it out, but I was really hurting 6 months ago. She would always be the one who contacted me up to 4 months post BU, I never once initiated contact. I simply disappeared into NC for my own healing, I knew I didn't want her back no matter what my heart was trying to tell me, this girl was venom! I deleted my social networks etc and hung out with friends, and they were so supportive of me as they saw what this girl was playing at. My ex had already hooked up with this other guy, posting pictures online, rubbing it my face, salt in the wound, yet I didn't react no matter how much it was hurting. I cried everyday for a solid 4 months, I have very negative thoughts which led to me seeking counselling and be put on a course of anti depressants. I spent hours everyday on ENA (and I am grateful for anyone who threads here, there's comfort in numbers I guess), I didn't think I would get off it! Any of this sound familiar?

 

Now during the rough road to recovery period, my ex, like I say, was contacting me claiming to be very down, suicidal and no direction in her life. But I just had to hear what my friends had to say about her to know she was full of BS. She had a new/old love in her life, she wasn't hurting at all, just typically labelling herself as the victim.

 

Now I fast forward 6 months post BU what have I done?

 

I wrote and recorded an CD - I have always been passionate about music so I decided to write more, and play all instruments on CD and also do live shows. It was a great way to vent out anger, and this CD was never disclosed to my ex, despite some lyrical approaches which carried a lot of ammunition, i.e. dissing her. I released this music not so long ago, and I have heard through the grapevine that she is aware of it (

 

I changed my career - Fed up of being a university graduate working in a cold store warehouse, I decided to travel to Asia, and become an English teacher in China. It took hard work and lots of focus to get me here but it was all worth it when I look at what surrounds me now. I have just finished teaching my grade 2 students sound and letter pronunciations for the day now i'm relaxing at my desk! Later this year i'm planning on going to teach in South Korea for 12 months when my contract finishes in China.

 

I have made new friends - all of which I have shared life stories with, keen minded travellers and also other musicians, it feels awesome just to be completely myself again, as I got very insecure in my last relationship given the fact I knew my ex was a compulsive, manipulating, c**k jumping wh***, and I was constantly trying to better our relationship, meanwhile she was running me into the ground, and had emotionally checked out months before the BU.

 

I stopped counting the period of NC - I don't how many days/weeks/months its been since.

 

I realised what is important to me - my family and closest friends have supported me along the way, and I am very grateful to have them. I would do anything for them on any day, and that's the meaning of unconditional love in my eyes.

 

I have learned to forgive myself - and be completely settled being single, as I know now I love my life and the great stuff I can get out of it. You reap what you sow, and right now i'm sowing as many kinds of seeds as I can! By the way this was not intended as an innuendo, simply a metaphor. But hey everyone loves an innuendo!

 

I'm a firm believer in karma - now this might sound silly to some but it's what I think, I have been making a conscious effort to be there for people when they need me, to talk to them and do good things. And I feel blessed (though i'm not religious) that I have made it so far post BU, because I didn't see myself ever pulling through that one! I also know that one day, my ex will feel this pain I went through, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday she will.

 

I don't feel like I am ready for another relationship just yet, and maybe I won't be for a while. But to me, that's fine, i'm 25 and i've got a lot more to do before I settle. But I am comforted by knowing that one day, i'm going to find that girl who shakes my world upside down and loves me just as much as I do her. I am in no way worried about the future, I am really excited. I can't wait to have that love buzz feeling again, but next time I know it will be for keeps. Once bitten, twice shy! I am going to take my time!

 

The main point to make is I no longer have any feelings attached to my ex, I don't love her and I don't hate her. She will get what's coming to her, but when it falls through, I won't be there in that 'friendship' zone a lot of dumpees end up in hoping for reconciliation. She should be so lucky to have me as a friend, i'm not going to blow my own trumpet but i'm an awesome person and a loyal friend, I know this because I just look at my true friends' traits. When we broke up, she wanted to stay friends, so I reversed it and broke up the friendship with her.

 

Listen I know this is a long post but if it has given you any comfort then that's great, that's what I was hoping for. To anyone who's going through that bottomless pit of heartache, there is a way forward. Someone important to me once told me when my BU happened, "Leap, and the net will appear". And you know what? I've landed on it.

 

Thanks for reading guys and gals, I wish you all a full recovery, so hang in there.

 

PB

[chickydoodle]

"Leap, and the net will appear".

 

I like this.

 

Well Done PB and thank you for your inspirational post.

[pandorasbox1]

Thank you its only been a week for me but I suppose things can only get better from here

[Patterbatter]

You're very welcome guys, hang in there. If anyone needs to vent or get stuff of their chest, send me a message. I will be more than happy to see you through!

[konstantino]

Congrats on everything! Very inspirational => Im curious tho, how does one go about teaching abroad? Ive known some people who have done it without teaching degrees. I have a uni degree in the sciences- is that a start? Also congrats on the CD, perchance a link to a dl? RegaARds

[Patterbatter]

Congrats on everything! Very inspirational => Im curious tho, how does one go about teaching abroad? Ive known some people who have done it without teaching degrees. I have a uni degree in the sciences- is that a start? Also congrats on the CD, perchance a link to a dl? RegaARds

 

I studied a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language), it can also be know as a TESOL (depending on where in the world you are - but they are basically the same qualification). I then took an internship program here in China, but it was not completely necessary as you can apply for jobs by yourself, but I wanted the experience. Because like you, I don't have a teaching degree, I also have a science degree. A degree is a good thing especially when traveling, as not having one restricts where you can work (the likes of Thailand & South Korea). Give it a check out see if a TEFL/TESOL interest you, I would recommend it to anyone!

 

Oh and if you give me your email address I will be happy to send you some of the music, as there is no DL.

 

PM me if you have anymore questions on teaching abroad, i'd be more than happy to give you some more info!

 

PB