People think i'm anti social but..

[CF-35]

I haven't been on here for a while but I figured I'd come back and see if someone's ever been through something like this so here goes. My problem is I sorta come off as an anti-social jerk to people that don't know me very well or that aren't close to me and I'm really tired of it. I constantly assume that people don't like me and it makes me act very standoffish, I'm 6"1 200 pounds and I look extremely confident so people just assume im a stuck up jerk. I'm so incredibly insecure that I'm afraid to let people in and it really bothers me. This weekend I went to a friend's surprise bday party and there were 50 people there just waiting for him and It made me feel extremely envious. Although I do have friends and a loving girlfriend I'm pretty sure there aren't 50 people that would show up to my birthday party. I just wish I was nicer to people and more likeable, I assume the worst in everyone and often get into fights. Has anyone ever overcomed this? I just want to be a nice guy instead of hiding my insecurities behind a tough guy attitude.

[Romanticism]

You don't want 50 friends. I guarantee more than half of those people wouldn't do everything for your friend. Friends to me mean they would do anything for me, and I would do anything for them. An acquaintance to me is someone who we occasionally say hi but they don't fit the friend criteria.

 

I know plenty of people who have thousands of friends, but when it comes down to it most of those aren't really friends.

 

Trust me, I am of similar build (6'4.5) and some people might think I might be intimidating. However, I am a pretty funny laid back guy. But when it comes to winning I get serious, that's pretty much how all of my friends are. I don't take crap from anyone, so my friends and I have very close relationships. We often bash/make fun of each other on the daily. To others this might seem like we are douches, but in reality it's just our type of crazy.

 

Don't worry so much about what others think. Worry more about what your close friends/girlfriend think, they are much more important.

[tom1607307597]

Not everyone that attended that birthday party was a close friend of that guy, I'm sure some were casual friends from work,school,etc. or acquaintances that knew the guy through a mutual friend. I gotta admit that guy must be pretty popular to pull that off a party like that, but having 50 people at your birthday party may not be as great as you think. That guy is still going to choose hanging out with his best friends over anyone else. What matters more is that when your birthday comes around your gf and friends are there for you. Those are the people you are going to remember having good times with.

 

Overcame? Not completely, but I have some experience with coming off as anti-social or stuck up. My build isn't anywhere near yours. I'm pretty skinny but build doesn't matter if you're approachable and friendly. Work of focusing less on your insecurities and more on getting to know people. Don't pressure yourself to be friends right off the bat. Reach out to people man! Say hi and introduce yourself, shake their hand, be friendly and get a conversation going. Eventually people will start recognizing you and be like "hey its _____!" You don't even have to be fake about it, have a friendly attitude around them and show you're interested in them. Once they see you're approachable people will be more willing to talk.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I'm 6"1 200 pounds

 

Stuck up jerk.

 

 

Anyway, friends invite friends and acquaintances. A party that one guy I know threw had about one hundred people, but most of the people at the party hardly knew the guy whose house it was.

 

You will be much more satisfied if you just find a few guys with whom you really connect. I come off as a stuck up jerk not because I am 6'2" and 195 pounds, but because I am not insecure about how many people I am friends with. Sure, I may doubt how personable I am, but I am not trying to impress everyone I meet.

 

Change your attitude regarding friendships and you will be much more satisfied with the friends that you already have.

[emma34]

Just want to say that I can relate to your situation kind of. Being a woman, I wish I was bubbly, open, super friendly, and chatty, because that way I would have tons of friends....but because of situations I've faced in my life I'm not like that...Friendly but guarded, Open but cautious, bubbly and chatty, but only after I know you and feel comfortable. I don't have much advice but I feel your pain and while I have a few good friends I can't help but wish I had 50. I say just be comfortable in your own skin and try to associate with people who are like you...it makes things easier...you are very tall so maybe playing sports would be a good place? Sports teams are a good way to broaden your social circle...just a thought.