Romanticism

Day 3. I broke contact after a week of NC because I noticed she removed me from facebook. I knew it was stupid but I didn't care. I just thought it was incredibly childish. She could of just unsubscribed to me updates but instead she completely removed me. A week ago she said she didn't feel like talking to me right now the day before her birthday. I am so tired of the women in my life getting what they want and need from me and disappearing. I am not a door mat personality...but it seems like they can't stand to be in contact with me after the break up. I really loved this chick...I can't just forget her. No matter how great I am becoming as a person, or progressing in life I still feel hollow ever since she moved away. I know we broke up because of the distance...but that's what makes it even worse. I guess reading/seeing my status updates was enough to make her irrationally just remove me...I miss our friendship dearly...but she didn't want to even talk to me on her birthday of all days...I am devastated. I could ask her brother how she's doing but all that does is just set me back more...man this sucks

6 Days since we last spoke. She said she didn't want to talk to me, that she needed time to herself. Whether it's true or not I just feel she would love to just forget about me. She was always one who couldn't face her problems/fears head on. Even when I loved her so much I could always see that she would take the path with the least resistance when she could....Guess the least resistance is erasing me out of her mind. I don't even know what to think when I think of this situation. I have been making a conscious effort to improve myself as a person, and hanging out with a very good friend. These things help me stay centered...But there hasn't been a single day we don't talk that I think of her...And I can't control it. I happen to be a very ADD kind of person, I am always thinking about certain situations and she always finds a way into my thoughts. I had a crazy dream about her the other day, she was meeting my mother. Thing is...My mother passed away a year ago. They never met each other, it was very surreal. My mother was telling me she cared but couldn't communicate it well...Scary part is she's right. She always had communication problems, stems from her childhood I guess. I can't lie, I naturally distrust women because of my childhood. I was always a fast grower, in the period between when we broke up and now I have developed a lot as a person. I took a lot of things into perspective and learned some valuable lessons. I am not where I want to be yet, I still have much more to grow. But having talked to her for periods, and then not talking I truly don't think she has grown or learned much from the situation. We broke up because she was moving back home...long story but in a nut shell it was because of huge miscommunications stemmed from her lack of communication. It hurts me to think she hasn't taken it like I have, but a good friend has taught me you can't put your own labels on somebody not you. You don't know how slow/fast they can learn or grow, and it is unreasonable to think they are as fast as you. At this point I am just rambling...I just know that if we were in the same city we would still be together. And it's hard to believe things have turned out like they did, I am trying my hardest to take it as a learning experience except....I loved her...I can't just forget that. It's been 3 months since the break up but my feelings still haven't changed. I still care very much about her and wish her the best. But if she were to find someone else so soon I know I couldn't handle it...I would have to say goodbye until who knows really...maybe forever? Thanks for reading guys.

I read some of my messages to the girl before the current ex. I was pretty pathetic, and childish in my responses to her. She tried to reach out to me and I gave her nothing but back lash. She was so confused and scared that she basically ignored me for months. She sent me a message later on asking about me, however she didn't take any credit for what had happened...I admit I was angry and childish, but I noticed she had not grown either. More time passed and she had sent me a message in December while I was dating my previous gf. She wanted to know where I was and how I was doing...Again I acted childish and still had pent up anger. One day I just woke up and realized I had been an utter fool, who cares who was right...the truth is none of us were.

I have to agree here, reconnecting with some of my old friends has helped a lot. I have been to San Antonio quite a bunch, I used to pass through it a lot when I went to visit family in Laredo. My ex was very much a recluse, when it came to social interaction. I doubt she would be interested in moving into a relationship with anyone, let alone me anytime soon. I personally think she has a lot of growing to do, if she were to move to a relationship so soon it would most certainty fail (I know her well). Is it out of the question? It never is, and frankly like you said if she were to move on this quick I would know it was all a lie. I would remove/block all contact and move on with my life. However, deep down I still have feelings...no matter how hurt they might be. I am trying my best to work on myself as a person, but that kind of pain just doesn't seem to go very easily. I realized that I had very serious feelings that weren't reciprocated well. To be honest, something I have been thinking about for some time is kind of toxic as well. I think she used the distance excuse to run away from her problems. This was one of my problems with her in the relationship, she would not face her problems/fears head on and would try and act like they weren't there. Eventually things would get so bottled up she would just explode mentally. I think she needed an excuse to say she should move on because she didn't have the fortitude to try, at all. She made the decision with her parents help, which is ironic because early in the relationship I said she needs to support me and not follow her parents over me every argument. It's almost like I knew then that it could of been a problem down the road... Anyway, I don't really have much to report. I go to work tomorrow for training, and I have plans that evening. I have tried to also stop looking at her on any other device (internet, phone, etc). I hold my friends/family to a high standard, I expect them to be great people. I understand people make mistakes, I have learned this recently about myself especially. However, I truly hope she will grow as a person. I say this because I really did love her.

You sound in better shape then I did at the start. You seem to understand that the more you think and try to dissect what she's doing/thinking you only set yourself back. You have to truly focus on yourself to get anywhere after a bad breakup. Especially if you think that person was treating you wrong, which she was treating you wrong.

Definitely, when we don't have the strength they give us the strength. Howdy by the way, I am also from Texas. I live in Houston. I didn't even notice after reading your posts in the thread, but I guess it makes sense now with how nice you seem to be. Day 6 for me. I feel a lot better in terms of perspective. I have accepted that I can't really talk to her and expect anything to change. I need to keep her out of my mind as much as I can and continue to work on myself as a person. I had a very good heart to heart with my dad, and I also got hired for a job this week. My life has been very positive, but my heart still suffers from the pain. I think if my ex cheated on me, it would have been easy for me to forget her. However, the fact that it ended so sudden left so many unanswered questions...She always let things bottle up, and that's what happened with the break up. We were no where near finished...but maybe she didn't really care as much as I did about her? I am not one to lie or fake feelings. I really cared about her and I told her this, I did need space to grow as a person...but despite that I still had real feelings for her. I realized she had/has acted very immature, and this is a major turn off for me. I have learned that she needs time alone to also help herself grow as a person, as much as I do too. Keeping in contact right now doesn't seem to be working, so I think this NC is positive. I loved her, and possibly always will. It's just how I a built really, I have always been a rather dedicated/driven person. I realize I let a lot of this go when I was with her, but losing her also made me realize how much I really cared about her. I don't know what my future brings, but I know I need to (like my friend said) take it as it comes. Not obsess so much about the future and focus on the present. Thanks for reading everyone.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation as much as I wish myself the luck, heh. Thanks for the kind words too, I am happy to have people like you who can try and give me there strength to push on. Sucks we are victim of the same circumstance, but at least we can both push each other to work on the no contact to HEAL us. Day 4 technically. I talked to a good friend who always has good advice, he kind of made me understand you have to take things as they come and not to think so much of the future. He also told me that he was in a similar situation, and he was able to progress to a positive relationship with the woman in question. I am trying to continue to make my improvements with my life as best as I can. I can't expect people to change, no one can change yourself except yourself. I just need to really keep this NC until I feel like things have gotten to the point where we both have accepted our situation. I might end up still having my feelings, but at least I will think much more clearer about it. I also know that with how our conversations were, it's almost pointless to keep talking if I feel like I am not getting full effort. Thanks guys and gals

I really appreciate the help, that was nice of you to respond to my sort of off topic situation. I am trying to help people here as much as I can where I think I can help them, but serious relationships...that's where I need a lot of work. I will do what you said and try to NC until a response. It's only been two days, though I have done the NC for up to two weeks before. This time it's different though. It has set in that we are over... What hurts the most is not knowing her true feelings on the matter. She has a hard time talking about feelings and I guess I should give up the fact that I might not ever know why. Trying to think about why is counter productive to healing too. It's hard to describe how I feel. My week has been really busy but I still find time to think of her. I accepted she isn't near me anymore...but the thought that I can't have a real conversation hurts the most. I have really good days, but the nights are where I feel the emptiness. My friends say it's because that was always the part of the day I was with her, and I guess it makes since. It has been 2 months since the break up. One thing I am proud of knowing is that the relationship wasn't as great as it should of been. I made mistakes, she made mistakes. I think we really need to grow more as people if we were ever to be together again. She seems to have no idea what she wants to do in her future, at least not as sure as I am with mine. I have to admit I realized she can be pretty immature too, she still likes to end the conversation on her terms like she always did (when the conversation becomes unfavorable.). I have also learned that I was not as motivated to live my life towards the end of the relationship, but I have made leaps and bounds to fix this. I have gotten two interviews, and really improved my social life with my friends and family. Anyway, Day 2 feels similar to Day 1. When I NC at first, it was much different than it is now. I think this might be the third NC, but this one really makes me feel the pain of loss. Thanks for reading and sorry I tend to ramble when on about my feelings. Great thread, no matter how sad it can get.

So I felt I needed to go NC with my ex after the LC just got stale. I felt like she still held feelings (she was the dumper) in the sense that she wasn't actually enjoying our conversations as much as she would normally so I felt to much pressure to carry the conversation. We would have good communication, then she would start getting rather stale with her responses so I would stop texting her. But then she would text me a day or two later telling me stuff and I am just so confused. Getting women is easy for me, but the feelings part is just a complete mystery sometimes. We dated for 1.5 years and she broke it off because she didn't want to go through a LD (we had it before and moved in together, so I guess it was too much for her or she didn't really care enough). I want to go NC because I feel like she is not appreciating me, or actually trying much in the conversations. Like I got an important job interview and she didn't respond about it until I literally stop talking to her, then she sent me a message congratulating me but it seemed force. Like... I don't think she wants to see me happy or something I am so confused. I made a sexual joke last week and she didn't enjoy it like she normally would, does that mean she isn't over the break up?... I know I am kind of rambling here but I want to go NC...but what do I do if she keeps sending me messages. Like she asked me to scan something for her and I sent it via email even though she texted me about it, I did this to avoid real contact and didn't say anything in the email. She had sent me 4 messages today, and then another saying thanks. I didn't respond to any of them (only the scan the paper was a direct text to me, the others were her kind of ranting). She has trouble communicating, mainly because she can get social anxiety (doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out of her way to make them). I feel bad to ignore her messages, but I need time to either get over her or realize that I am not over her (still in love) so I can work on getting her back.