Good times, bad times... oh crap... are we done times?

[OneConfusedGuy]

She flew out on a whim from Virgina to Colorado, and has lived at my house (joblessly) for 4 months now. She's been looking, has had 4 interviews, but can't hold on to anything. She has openly stated it's because it's not meant to be, I've tried to argue that she needs to keep pushing.

 

The first month of our relationship was grand. Polite, considerate... loved to be around eachother. However, every time she talks to her mother, she becomes a different person. She "stonewalls" me. Doesn't want to share anything about her conversation with her mom. Ironically, it was her own mother that enouraged her to visit me.

 

In a heated (drunk) argument between eachother, she openly stated she wants to leave me. I tell her it's no the right solution and that she shouldn't run away. (she's moved frequently ((independently and with her family)) all her life).

 

We've both told lies and regretted them, but I still feel so close to her. I've been in 2 prior relationships (which she openly knows about) and this one feels "right".

 

Maybe this isn't meant to be? Maybe this is not the one?

 

It sure feels like a damn shame to let her go.

 

What do you guys think?

[PaintWithLight]

Why is it a damn shame? She is not the person you are building her up to be. Who moves from hard scrabble Virginia to Colorado without cash and a plan.

 

You are a fool to take her in and let her walk all over you. Let her go. You are not a shelter for stray young women.

[LoveRuthless]

I feel like you have two options 1) go to couples threapy and work out your

problems or 2) give her an ultimatum she can be more open about what's going on with her and try harder to find a job or career that

she loves or you can end the relationship and move out in 30 days. If you decide to go with option 2 be prepared for the out come good or bad.

[RedDress]

Am I understanding this correctly that you have only been together for 4 months and:

 

- She is mooching off you. As PaintWithLight said, what responsible person moves far away without (a lot of) money and a plan? What if it doesn't work out? How will she leave? Or is her plan to continue to mooch off you - despite not wanting to be in the relationship - until she can financially find a way out? If she doesn't want to be there, personally, I'd buy her a flight back out of town. It would actually be cheaper than continuing to support her financially.

 

- There are already lies to contend with? 4 months in! At the 4 month mark, things should still be all roses and sunsets. If there are a bunch of lies, arguments and issues, this does not bode well for the relationship.

 

- She has already said (more than once) that she doesn't think it's meant to be and that she wants to leave. If she doesn't want to be there, why is she still there? Money, perhaps?

 

The rest, about her moving around, is you making excuses for her. We all tend to do this a little when we really don't want to see the reality of a situation.

 

I think this girl is bad news for you. You are emotionally attached, maybe you really want to be in a relationship, but you should not accept being in one with someone who cannot (or will not) pull their own weight and doesn't want to be there.

 

Don't you want to be with someone who is with you because they want to be with you, not because they need to be with you? There is peace in knowing you are with someone who could leave at any time but they don't because... well... they like you.